"Do something,for God's sake!Hindi nyo ba nakikitang nahihirapan ang anak ko?!"
Iyon ang umalingawngaw sa hallway pagliko ko.The moment I saw Tita Tasia's anguished expression,tumakbo na rin ako.
Right there was Tita Tasia and the two nurse trying to stop her from coming inside.Naroon din si Bonica sa likuran nya looking so down with tears in her eyes as she hold on Tita's arm.
I heard a loud shrieked of affliction from the door near them.Napatingin din sila doon kaya naman mabilis akong lumapit carrying all my worries and a feeling of a nightmare.
Tumigil ako sa tapat ng transparent glass kung saan kita ang nangyayare sa loob ng kwarto nya.There I saw him,holding his abdomen with so much pain and agony.Kitang kita ko ang hirap sa mukha nya.I can see the pain,the torture that it bring to him.His eyes were shut and lips are tightly sealed to each other.
Immediately my tears fall.Napahawak ako sa magkabilang gilid noong transparent glass as I stare at him.Hindi ako makahinga,I feel like I'm feeling all the pain he's going through now.Kahit nakikita kong naroon ang dalawang doctor sakaniya,hindi ako mapakali.
"Bitawan nyo ako,I wanted to see my son!Oh,Vernon,please!"
Nadagdagan pa ang sakit na nararamdaman ko when I'm hearing that from Tita.Hindi ako makahikbi,hindi ko magawang maglabas ng boses o hangin man lang sa bibig ko.I can't clear my throat.I...I can't breathe properly.
Naitulak ko ang pinto.Without thinking,dumeretso ako papasok.
"Niña!"I heard a stern warning from Bonica.Pero hindi ko iyon pinakinggan.Wala akong pakealam sakaniya ngayon.
Dahil busy ang doctor at nurses na nasa loob,hindi nila napansin ang pagpasok ko.Mabilis kong tinungo ang parte niya at lumuhod sa harap ng nakapikit niyang mga mata,still he's shouting loudly.
"Nurse Anne!"
The nurses behind became worried about me.Sumisigaw sila ng pangalan doon sa labas as if they are trying to get more nurses para ilabas ako.Pero ayoko,I won't go unless I see him better.Hindi ko siya iiwan.
Humihikbi ako bawat segundong nakatitig ako sa mukha niya.Nakaluhod pa rin ako doon at walang magawa ang medical assistance para alisin ako doon because they are doing their job.
I saw his eyes opened slowly.When his eyes locked mine,pinilit kong ngumiti kahit sobrang hirap gawin noon sa mga oras na yon.
I wanted to give him hope.I wanted to tell him that he can do it,gagaling siya and soon he can go back to his daily living.May pag-asa pa sa susunod na bukas,na tulad noong unang pagkikita namin I will give him hope,too.
Mananatili ako sakanya hanggang gumaling sya,just like how he stayed when I'm wailing.
Mananatili ako just like what he did.At kahit na pagtulakan nya ako ngayon,I won't go.Hindi na importante saakin kung maapakan man ang ego ko or pagkatao ko sa anumang sasabihin niya.I just want to see him breath barely,if he do that then,sa muling pagtulak nya saakin palayo,sige,aalis ako.
"Please.."I whispered as I reach for his hand na mahigpit na nakakapit doon sa kumot sa tabi ng mukha nya.
Kinuha ko iyon at hinawakan ng mahigpit.I tried to stretched my lips kahit na hindi ko mapigilang ngumiwi.Pinilit kong hawakan ang kamay niya kahit na halos madurog iyon dahil sa higpit ang hawak nya.
Kahit nasasaktan ako doon,mas nasasaktan ako inside.Sobrang nasasaktan ako.
"U-Umalis ka.."
Umiling ako sakanya.Hindi na siya sumisigaw sa sakit but he's still holding on his stomach.Kunot ang mga noo nya habang nakatingin saakin.He manage to look at me in sharp and intense way kahit pa halata  the pain is still there.
"Vernon--"
Pumikit siya ng mariin as if he's showing a disgust expression because he sees me.
"Umalis ka!Just go,leave me,Niña!"he shouted at inalis ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko.Tinapik nya pa iyon bago igalaw ang katawan para humarap sa ibang direksyon.
Hindi siya naging ganito saakin noon.Yes,he avoided me but he never turned his back para lang iwasan ako dahil sa isang bagay.Ganito na ba kalaki ang galit niya saakin?
Napalunok ako bago dahan-dahang tumayo.Tinulungan pa ako ng isang nurse doon dahil muntik pa akong matumba sa di matigil na panginginig ng tuhod ko.
Pinigilan ko ang sarili na humikbi.I'm fine with this.Soon,he'll realized that it's me after all.Before I could reach the door,mabilis na pumasok si Tita para daluhan ang anak.The nurses did not stop her.
She sobbed in front of her son at kita ko kung paano napalitan ng lungkot ang mga mata ni Vernon.It was all different from the way he stares at me.It was too bad and...
"Ano pang hinihintay mo?" Bahagya akong natigilan sa narinig.
She was beside me na agad kong pinasadahan ng tingin.She was persistent in pushing me away because Vernon said so,huh?
I gritted my teeth.Hindi na tama itong ginagawa niya saakin.She don't have any concern from anything kaya bakit siya nakikialam?
"Can we talk outside?"
Tumaas ang isa niyang kilay.
"Why would I talk to you?May hindi ba malinaw sa sinabi ni Vernon na umalis ka?"
"Hindi rin ba malinaw sayo na ayoko?Fyi..."buntong hininga ako. "Just follow me outside or I'll comeback here to piss you big time,Bonica."
I rolled my eyes on her face before I turn my gaze to the door.I heard her gasped for something.Just like that filth,I wanted to see you irritated.
Dinala ko siya sa rooftop.Baka sakaling uminit ang dugo ko sakaniya at madali ko siyang maitutulak.
But,of course I'm not the type of person that uses physical force to stop something na hindi dapat or hindi ko gusto.I'm more into killing people inside,emotionally and mentally.
She crossed her arms immediately after we stop walking.Nasa parteng railings ako while she's in front.I stared at her before I let out a deep sigh.
"Tell me.."I said.
"My personal information or something related with him?"she asked wearing her bitchy expression.
"I won't ask anything about you only,I'm not interested."
"Really?Sure,kung 'yon ang gusto mong marinig."
Sa totoo lang,kinakabahan ako.Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagpresenta akong kausapin siya when I've been crying because of what just happened.Hindi ko inaasahan na I needed to change my mood for this.
"We're into something you don't know.Gusto mo ba talagang marinig ang tungkol doon?You'll look more pathetic if I do."she mimic a sad face bago siya tumawa ng bahagya.
I'm wrong when I said I like her.She is not that nice when we met again in my condo.Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyare doon sa pagkatao niya na gustong gusto ko.I didn't know what happened or she's really into that something na sinasabi niya.Kung ano man iyon,maybe she's hoping for that to happen.
What was it?Sino ba talaga siya?
Pinigilan ko kung ano man ang sasabihin nya.The part where I realized why am I asking her kung pwede namang ako ang kusang umalam noon?She can lie to me at baka iyon pa ang maging dahilan para maniwala ako sakanya.
She scoffed to me because of what I did.Hinayaan ko nalang siya doon at nauna ng bumaba ng rooftop.Bumalik ako doon sa room ni Vernon but I didn't go inside.Sakto namang papalabas si Tita kaya naglakad na ako para lisanin ang lugar.
"Niña,iha."I heard Tita's calm voice.Nilingon ko agad iyon.
"Let's go?"she smiled to me at hinawakan ako sa likuran.
I don't know what she's talking about pero tumango na rin ako.She needed someone to talk to,I guess.Gusto ko ring magsorry sakanya dahil sa hindi ko pagbisita kay Vernon that week.I hope she'll understand that I had something to do.
Lumitaw sa harap namin si Bonica when we're about to turn on the next corridor.Awang ang bibig na nilipat ang tingin kay Tita at mabilis na ngumiti.
"Hi po.."she greeted as she neared towards on my side where Tita is.
Tita remained her calm expression at hindi man lang nagbalik ng ngiti.Siguro pagod lang siya sa kakaiyak,that's why she can't interact with someone.Hindi rin siya sumagot sa pagbati nito kaya nanatili ang titig ko kay Bonica.
Ngumiti itong muli tila pinapawi ang unang pagkapahiya.
"Tita,kumusta po--"
"Excuse us,please.."Tita cut her off na nagpagulat sakaniya.Mabilis namang napaawang ang bibig ko dahil doon.
"Tita,she's Bonica Cortez.Siya iyong nagbabantay kay--"
In intense gaze,nilingon ako ni Tita.Natigilan agad ako sa sinasabi dahil doon.Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko siya pinapakilala,maybe I just want Tita to know about it since totoo naman ang sinasabi ko.
"I don't care about her.She's doing that as a job,not because she care for my son."
Huh?
"Tita..."
"Let's just go."Tiningnan niya si Bonica in a way that scares her.
Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi habang sinusundan ng tingin ang likod nya.Nalipat lang ang atensyon ko sa kaharap ng bumulong ito at inirapan ako kahit na halata ko ang inis at hiya sa kaniya.She walk passed me at pumasok sa loob.Nanatili pa ng saglit ang tingin ko doon bago magpasyang sundan si Tita sa labas.
We are on the same cafe we used to meet.She smiled the moment na naiserve na ang coffe niya.
"Do you know why I like it here?"she asked me na agad kong binigyan ng atensyon.
She stare at her latte bago bumaling saakin. "Because this is the only place where I bring my son.Ito lang yung lugar na hinahayaan ko siyang gawin ang gusto niya,pumili ng gusto niyang kainin at inumin.I know that,that wasn't enough for him dahil gusto nyang maging malaya tulad ng ibang bata at kabataan,but I always think 'bout his health.That was the hardest  part for me."
"He didn't refuse anything?"I asked.
"He can't do anything about it.Wala siyang magagawa kung hindi ang sundin ako because he knows that I'm afraid to lose him.If he do something stupid,I might lose him."
Ngumiti ako dahil sa pagsilay ng kung anong saya sa mukha niya.She's been so happy with that memories.Siguro dahil narito kami sa lugar na iyon,she can't help but to reminisce it.
She chuckled. "Pero alam mo ba,I don't tell him about how scared I am.Ang palagi kong sinasabi sakaniya,"If you disobeyed me Vernon,you might lose me."Then he would always answer,'Bakit Ma?Iiwan mo ako dahil sa sakit ko?'.I would answer,"No.Iiwan kita dahil lagi mo akong binibigyan ng sakit ng ulo.."
She stopped talking.Nahulog ang mga tingin niya sa mesa then to his latte.I heard her deep sigh and saw some liquid running down her cheeks.
Nagulat nalang ako sa biglang paghikbi ni Tita.May ngiti sa mga mukha niya kanina habang nagkukwento siya but then,it always ended up she'll cry na pati ako mapapahikbi na lang din.
"..You keep on hurting me,Vernon.Hindi mo alam kung gaano mo ako nasasaktan.You were so young to be in that situation where you are fighting between life and death.Sinasaktan mo ako sa bawat oras na sumisigaw ka dahil masakit ang tiyan mo.Dinudurog mo ang puso ni mama,alam mo ba yon?Sinasaktan mo ng sobra si mama,anak.Pero kahit sinasabi ko sayo na iiwan kita dahil sinasaktan mo ako,mas nasasaktan lang ako habang iniisip ko ang kalagayan mo habang wala ako.It was melancholy to see you in deathbed,and was nostalgic.I have the big hope na kung pwede maulit nalang ang dati,iyong nag-aalala lang ako sa mga bagay na pwede at hindi mo pwedeng gawin.Gusto kong makasama ka sa bahay,see you playing in the sala with your Dad.I want to cook for you,eat with you,jog in the morning and bring you to bed.I don't want you to suffer like this,because everytime you suffer I endure it more.Kaya please son,please live for me."
Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang pwede kong gawin para maibsan ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.I just realized I'm hugging her from the back habang pareho kaming umiiyak doon,never minding the people around looking at us with their eyes filled with sadness and sympathy.
"Live for us,anak.."