“ Sometimes, you simply have to let go to be truly free and happy. ”
***
— Cecile —
“ You once held my heart... but now, I have to let go. ”
Tears dotted the pages of my journal, each droplet blurring the ink like memories dissolving into the past. My hands trembled as I wrote, the words pouring out like blood from an open wound. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t.
The memories refused to stay buried.
“ I love staring at the stars, Cec... they remind me I’m here, on Earth, in this moment. ”
Joel’s words echoed in my mind, clear as the night he said them. We had been chatting for hours, the kind of conversation that felt endless and safe. He had a way of seeing the world that was both grounding and breathtaking. I remember thinking, “ How could anyone not fall for someone like him? ”
He was unlike anyone I had ever met—so alive with ideas, with creativity. “ I love that I can write anything, anytime... creativity is the best gift I’ve ever received, and I promise to use it to the fullest. ” His passion was contagious, and I soaked it in like sunlight after a long, cold winter.
That night, I saved his name in my phone as “ Fave. ” It wasn’t a decision I thought too hard about. It just felt right, like he’d already carved out a special place in my life.
From the beginning, I knew I liked him. But liking turned into something deeper, something I hadn’t allowed myself to feel in years. I wanted to believe it was just a passing infatuation, but deep down, I knew better.
I’ve never had much luck with love. My relationships were more like placeholders than partnerships—attempts to fill the void that losing my twin had left behind. But they never worked.
How could they?
I was too afraid to let anyone in, too afraid to care deeply, because caring meant pain. And so, my past relationships were shallow and fleeting. I played the game because it was easier than admitting I was broken.
But Joel? He changed the rules.
“ Love and friendship are like fruit; they require care and nurturing. Otherwise, they rot. ” I had written those words weeks ago, not realizing they would become my truth.
“ How did I fall for you so easily, Joel?
The last few days had been a storm—waves of grief crashing over me, dragging me under. The blank stares, the pity-filled gazes, the whispered words behind my back—it all reminded me of losing Celine. That same suffocating heaviness, the same sense of being unmoored.
Grief is a strange thing. It wraps itself around you, pressing into your chest until breathing feels impossible. I had felt it before when Celine died, but this time, it was different. This time, I was grieving someone who was still alive.
“ You have to let go, Cecile. ” Stacy’s voice cut through the fog in my mind.
Letting go.
The words were simple, but the act was anything but. How do you let go of someone who feels like a part of your soul? How do you unlove someone when every fiber of your being still aches for them?
Essy’s words haunted me too: “ You could have died, Cec. ” She wasn’t wrong. The pain of holding on, of hoping for something that would never be, had nearly consumed me.
“ I can’t wait to teach you more about poetry, Cec. ”
Joel’s voice rang in my ears, pulling me back to the early days of our friendship. Those days had been so beautiful, so full of hope. I thought it was fate that I could see past his flaws and still cherish him.
Now, I see it for what it was. Love. Pure, unfiltered love.
“ What does friendship mean to you, Cecile? ” Celine had asked me once.
“ Unconditional care and love toward someone, ” I had replied.
Her face lit up at my answer, her smile as radiant as ever. “ If you feel that toward a guy, it’s probably love, ” she had said.
At the time, I had brushed her words aside. I didn’t understand their weight. Now, they crushed me.
How could I have been so naive? How could I think I could stay “ just friends ” with Joel when my heart screamed otherwise?
He never asked for my love. He probably didn’t even want it. He was too lost in his pain, too caught up in his grief for Jemmy. And yet, I couldn’t stop loving him.
If Jemmy didn’t remind me so much of Celine, maybe I could have resented her. But how could I hate someone who carried the same light as my sister? All I felt was pain and regret—grief, even.
“ You’re stronger than you think, Cecile. Just decide in your heart that letting go is the best thing for you, and let nature take its course. ” Stacy’s advice echoed in my mind, her words more persistent than my doubts.
Letting go sounded impossible. But holding on? That was a slow death.
“ Letting go of you feels impossible...
But holding on? That’s the real heartbreak. ” 
The words spilled onto the page, each one heavier than the last.
“ You’re flawed, Joel.
But somehow, I love you.
Can I let go of you?
Can I let go of what we might’ve been?
Can I face the emptiness and unfamiliar faces?
Can I really do it? ”
Tears fell freely, soaking the journal until the ink shimmered like stars in the night sky. And just like that, I thought of Joel. Of Jemmy.
It hurt.
A shooting star streaked across the sky, a fleeting moment of beauty in the darkness.
“ Make a wish, Cecile. ” The voice was mine, soft and trembling.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “ Help me let go. ”
The pain didn’t vanish. It still throbbed in my chest, raw and unrelenting. But as I placed my pen down and looked at the stars, I realized something:
Letting go wasn’t the end.
It was the beginning.
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A/N; What do you think, guys?