Trisha
We just finished eating dinner. Oh man, I’m so full. The food was really delicious.
Chris looked at me as I patted my stomach as I slouched a little, indicating that I really did enjoy the food and is now full.
He chuckled looking at me. “So, how was it? How was your day? Did you enjoy it?” He asked me.
“Did. I. Enjoy. It?! Of course I did! I had so much fun being with you, choosing books, telling you stories, and playing a game with you! Thank you for today.” I sat straight and exclaimed at him.
He then chuckled at me again, resting his hand on his lips.
“You’re welcome. I’m really glad you had fun, I was feeling nervous that what if you will find it as a bore being with me.” He told me and I can see in his eyes that he was really bothered by what if I did not enjoy my day.
He smiled at me and then looked at me seriously. He then cleared his throat.
“Trish, I really like you and I don’t want you to think that I’m being too fast and all that” he paused and his expression changed from being serious to being shy, while scratching the back of his head. “but, will you allow me to court you?” He then continued and asked me.
I stared at him, mouth open. He wants to court me? I’m dumbfounded, I could not say anything.
Art. Harry. These names echoed through my mind. What about them? I’m still curious and I want to know who Harry is. And Art – Fernandez, there’s this feeling inside me that I want to know more about him. I want to spend more time with him, as if spending time with him would fill a certain emptiness inside me.
Sure, you would think I’m stupid hoping for something that is not certain and choosing it over something that is, but I just know I can’t let Chris court me.
Although, at the beginning of the semester I told myself that this is the year that I will allow myself to be in a relationship, I just don’t feel excited about Chris and I being in a relationship. Doubts still exist in my head, and when doubts fill my head about something, I just don’t like going with that certain something.
And though, he only asked if he can court me, and not really asked me to be his girlfriend, I just know that even after him courting me for months, even years, I have this feeling inside of me that there will be nothing other than friendship.
He looked at me waiting for an answer. He’s still being shy but he kept his focus at me, not looking away. I can see his determination.
“I’m sorry Chris but I can’t let you.” I saw how the twinkle in his eyes faded as I responded to his question, but he then caught himself changing expression and continued to still smile at me.
“Oh, yeah. Right, it’s okay, I understand.” He smiled at me widely, but I can still see sadness in eyes. I can see the hurt in his eyes as he looked away, scratching the back of his head.
“I’m so sorry Chris, you’re a great guy. You’re funny and sweet but I just can’t let you court me. I don’t want to ruin what we have right now.” I explained to him.
Although, I like Chris, it is only in a happy crush kind of like, and recently I can feel that even that feeling is fading way. I just can’t let him court me. I know it’s kind of stupid and all that, but what if in the end I can’t return the feelings he expects me to return towards him? We just built our friendship recently, I don’t want to ruin that. I know you’d think I’m being negative, like what if my ‘what if’ is wrong and that in the long run of him courting me, I would also learn to like him the way he likes me.
“Hey, it’s okay. No need to explain, I can understand. It’s your decision, I respect it.” He smiled at me again.
“I hope my attempt to court you will not ruin the friendship we built recently?” He asked me his eyebrows raising as if pleading me with his eyes.
“Of course it won’t ruin our friendship.” I smiled at him widely to assure him that nothing will change.
“I also hope that this moment did not ruin your day, that you still had fun in spite of what I just asked you?” He added.
“Of course it did not ruin my day. I really did have fun with you. The day went great, I’m really grateful on how you planned it. I really appreciate how you put an effort to plan for this date.” I told him.
Well it’s true, I can truly tell that he thought hard on how to make this date wonderful. He knows what to do next, where to go next. He even put up this surprise for me. This awesome view while eating dinner, for me.
He then smiled at me again, this time, his eyes are a little less sad than before. “I’m glad to hear that.”
We continued the night talking about random stuff. I tried to show to him that what just happened did not bother me and that I still want to keep our friendship. And although it was awkward at first, as time went on, as we drove towards the dormitory, the atmosphere lightened up. We continued exchanging jokes and he escorted me towards my room.
“Thank you again, for today.” I told him as I look at him while holding the door.
“Hey, no worries. Thank you also for still allowing me to be your friend.” He is now holding his arm and is looking shy again.
I hit his arm lightly “Of course! We’re still friends, let’s hang out again next time. And next time, I’ll do the planning.” I told him.
“No way, I won’t let you plan it by yourself. Let’s plan it together.” He smiled at me.
We both laughed quietly.
“I should go to my room now, Art would be waiting.” He said.
“Yeah, okay. Say Hi to him for me, okay?” I told him.
“Sure. Sure. Good night Trish.” He said.
“Good night Chris.” I responded.
He turned his back on me and walked towards the elevator. I did not close my door yet, I waited for him to ride the elevator before closing, but he paused and looked back at me.
“Trish? I’m sorry, but can I hug you?” He suddenly asked me.
Hug me? I guess it’s okay? I hug my friends all the time, right?
“Yeah, s-sure.” He’s now taking long strides towards me, reached out with his right hand and then pulled me into a hug.
He hugged me tightly, as he rested his forehead on my head.
“Thanks again, for today.” He then let go of me.
“And Trish, if you ever change your mind, just tell me. I will respect your decision about us just being friends, but if someday, you’ll want it to be more than that, I’m always open for you.”
With that he walked away again, leaving me speechless at the doorway, I only stared as his back as he decided to use the stairs not the elevator.
I went inside, not wanting to think any of it any longer. I decided to take a bath and just lay there until I feel like getting up.
Ella is not yet home, maybe his with Aiden or maybe with her other friends, having fun.
I sighed as I rested my head on the edge of the bathtub and I closed my eyes.
Welcome! Where do you want to go?
I saw the familiar signs as I entered my dreams. This is my first time after a long time entering and seeing these signs.
I thought hard, where would I want to go? Well, I want someone to talk to. Someone who does not know me.
I decided to meet up with strangers and was being paired with a guy, we are now seated face to face at a table for two.
“Good evening? Or is it morning over there at your place.” He asked me.
“It’s evening, how about at your place?” I asked him.
“It’s afternoon. I’m now taking my siesta, or my afternoon nap.” He chuckled. “So what brings you here?” He asked me.
“I came here to have someone to talk to.” I answered honestly. Although, I acted as if it did not bother me, it still did. Especially when Chris told me that he’s always open for me. I sighed.
“That heavy huh?” He asked me.
“Well, it’s not really heavy. I don’t know why I’m overthinking things.” I told him.
“Well, will you tell me what happen or would you like to just talk about other things.” He asked me, I can see or rather, feel that he’s a good person.
“Will you listen?” I asked back.
“Yeah, sure.” He responded.
I told him about how I felt towards Chris at first and how it changed because of Fernandez, and how I want to know more about Harry. I asked him if what I decided was okay, or am I hoping for something that is really uncertain.
“So he still offered that he’s open you huh? And you’re worried that what if you’ll give him false signals as you try to continue your friendship. And you have someone here you want to know more about and that you just can’t let yourself be in a relationship when you’re still not sure.” He summarized what I told him. I only nodded.
“For me, you did the right thing. You’re still unsure, it’s for his own good too that you won’t dive into him immediately. Also, it’s true when you’re full of doubt, don’t go with that decision. As for your feelings towards his friend, I can’t tell you if you’re wrong or not. It’s your feelings. Just be sensitive enough to know when to let go. As for him, still being open for you, it’s his choice. Continue your friendship, you already told him about how you felt towards him, it’s his choice if he’s still hoping for you, just like how you’re hoping for his friend. But if it’s bothering you, remember you’re not entitled to continue your friendship.” He told me as he shrugged.
I nodded at him, listening and pondering. Maybe I am worrying too much. I’ll just go with the flow, for now. I already made it clear towards Chris and I decided to just continue my friendship with him.
“Thank you for listening and for giving me an advice.” I told the stranger wholeheartedly.
“Hey, no worries. Glad I could help, although I’m not really sure of what I told you is really correct and sensible.” He then laughed. “Hey, I need to get going, my alarm just went off. Just remember, do what makes you happy but also remember that you can’t control the decisions of the people around you, but you can control yours.” With that he faded.
Would like to keep 2134 inside your memory?
[Yes] [No]
“Yes.” And with that I woke up and changed into my pyjamas still pondering the stranger’s advice.