It turned out that I really did catch a cold.
Ethan was the one who took care of me; he brought me medicine and brought me food. I don't know what I would do without him; I'm really grateful for his presence.
"Koby was worried about you. He keeps asking me about where you live; did you not tell him? I thought that he was your childhood friend."
Ethan looks at me weirdly as he continues to eat his spaghetti.
It's only been two days since I got sick and didn't go to school, but it feels like it has been forever. Although Koby and I ended up mistaking each other's feelings towards each other, I can't help but feel sad.
I'm beginning to have doubts.
I don't know if what I did was right.
I shouldn't have pushed him away.
I should've just accepted his feelings for me, although I know that he's only doing that because he's worried about me.
I hate that this made me feel like shit
"We used to be close. But it was in the past; it's not like we still share everything with each other."
I sigh as Ethan just gives me a weak smile, saying that he won't tell Koby where I live if that's what I want. I wonder why he is so nice to me. He was supposed to hate me for invading his family life, so I wonder why he's so indifferent about it.
"Ren was asking about you too. Did you two fight or something? It's weird that he's not with you; shouldn't he be here? Aren't you dating?"
Ethan added with a confused look.
I am curious about it too. I wonder if I did something to make him mad at me. I mean, we never really had a conversation after the school festival. And he hasn't told me what happened to him to just leave me waiting for him for hours. I don't understand why, but it seems like he's avoiding me.
"We were just classmates; it's not like he's obligated to be with me all the time."
I sigh as Ethan continues to stare at me, as if he doesn't believe me.
"I don't know what happens between you two, but good luck trying to get back together."
Ethan shakes his head in disbelief, saying that he doesn't want to get involved in my love life. Seriously? I already told him that Ren and I are just friends.
Friends.
We were supposed to be friends, so I don't know why he's ignoring me. It annoys me, but it hurts to be ignored when I don't even understand why he's doing that. But with him being away for a while, it makes me realise how I was only fond of his kindness. I was indeed attracted to him, but it's not like I fell head over heels for him to cry over what happened.
We're just going back to the first time we met each other.
Back to being just classmates.
Strangers.
Although it did hurt me. But I don't want to think about it anymore, since I'll only end up being hurt. I'm done chasing after people who don't even care about me. I'm just going to focus on myself for now, to forget about these useless feelings.
Ugh, I really wish that I could erase all my emotions.
—
"I'm glad that you're finally okay."
Ruby hugs me as I enter the class. It's only been two days, but why does everyone seem so sad about me being absent for such a long time? This is weird. I wasn't used to this kind of environment; it's oddly comforting.
"I'm glad to be back."
I gave her a smile as she started telling me all about the homework that I'd missed. Oh, god, I definitely forgot about that. Reality really does make me hate myself so much for being too focused on my so-called feelings and forgetting the fact that I'm still a high school student who needs to get good grades in order to graduate. Shit.
"I'll lend you my notes; don't worry about it."
Ruby assured me, as I don't know if notes could even help me at this rate. This is really bad; I needed to make sure that I didn't fail any subjects. I should probably ask Ethan for help, but then again, he doesn't look like he studies much, but still, he's still in class 5, so it's better than nothing. Or maybe I could ask Koby? Although I don't know if we're okay enough for him to help me study after what happened last time.
Ren did cross my mind.
But I don't know. It seems like we're growing apart even more. He's not even coming to class; I barely see him going to his room anymore. He decided to cut me off on his own, so I don't want to come running to him when he's already decided to have nothing to do with me.
I'm just glad that my feelings for him are only temporary.
I'm really glad that it ended before anything could even happen.
"Someone's drowning in homework. Guess who?"
Jason joked as he took a seat next to me. It's currently lunch time, and Ruby went out to do her class president duty.
"I'd appreciate it if you helped me."
I said it truthfully, as Jason just shook his head as he laughed.
"You're asking the wrong person."
Jason replied as I sighed in return.
"Why don't you ask Ren? Aren't you close with him?"
Jason wiggled his eyebrows as I sighed again.
"What? Did you two fight or something?"
Jason urged me, and I refused to entertain him any longer as he continued to nudge me, asking what happened.
"Nothing happened; we were just being our usual selves."
I replied, making Jason scoff in return.
"Don't take it to heart; he's been like that to everyone. I feel you, my fallen comrade."
Jason sighs as he pats my head. I honestly don't know what's wrong with him, but at least he makes my day. But I can't help but to think about what Jason said—how he mentioned that Ren had always been like that to everyone. I wonder if that's the reason he doesn't really have anyone to hang out with. Ugh, I don't care. It's not like we're besties to even care about something like that.
"Let me know if you have any questions, okay?"
Ruby said, referring to her notes that I'm borrowing. I'm just glad that she's kind enough to let me borrow her super-detailed notes. Gosh, I'm so embarrassed that our notes are so different from each other. As Ruby bid her farewell, along with my other classmate, I couldn't help but feel grateful for everyone.
"They are good people."
Indeed.
I stayed behind to copy Ruby's note and tried to finish the homework that I was supposed to have. Gosh, this is making me lose my mind to see numbers and letters together. Did I mention how I hate math so much that I could die? Ugh. I thought that being in the classroom would help me finish my homework rather than doing it in my suffocating room, but there's been no progress at all.
"Ugh, I just want to sleep."
I grunted, burying my head on my desk as I closed my eyes. I was hoping that I would dream of the answers, but who am I kidding? Ethan was supposed to come and help me, but he suddenly has something he needs to do. It's nice enough that he wanted to help. I can't help but feel how lucky I am to have him. And it's funny how he keeps referring to himself as my big brother in front of other people but then denies it when I ask about it. His reaction was so funny that I couldn't help but laugh every time.
"You're not going home?"
I flinched in surprise when I heard a voice in front of me. What the heck? Who the hell is still in the classroom when everyone else has already left? But the moment our eyes met, I couldn't believe that the emotions that I had buried deep inside me had come back to me in a flash. Shit.
Why now?
"Ren."
I breathed out as he gave me a smile.
Shit.
Why does my heart start thumping so loudly?
He might have heard it.
Shit.
This can't be happening.
I thought that the feelings were only temporary, and they have already disappeared. But why am I so happy to see him in front of me now? Why does my heart feel—completed?
"Want me to help?"
I don't know why I even said yes, but it feels like I'm being hypnotised to agree with everything that comes out of his mouth.
This is really, really bad.
The atmosphere wasn't as awkward as I thought since Ren only spoke about the homework, explaining how the formula works and how I should use it. He makes it sound so easy that I was shocked. But thanks to him; I might be able to finish my homework without copying his answers. That's some achievement there.
"Are you feeling better now?"
Ren called out as I continued to fix my eyes on the homework. I can't look at him right now; I'm starting to feel weird again. Shit.
"Yup."
I replied by not making any eye contacts. Oh, god, please just make me disappear already. The awkwardness is making me suffocate. Why isn't he talking now? Ugh, he should've just left if he didn't want to say anything anymore.
"Why are you staring at me so weirdly?"
I was surprised when I caught him staring like, What the hell? Why is he doing all this after everything he did? He doesn't even explain what happened to him that day. I was worried sick, but he just cut me off. I thought that we would at least become friends, closer to each other. But I guess it was just my delusions. Now that I remember about it, it annoys me so freaking much.
"I'm going now. Thanks for the help."
I sigh as I shove my notes into my backpack. Ren is so annoying. Why can't he just tell me that he's sorry for making me wait SO LONG? I would've forgiven him if he had asked me.
But why aren't you saying anything?
It's annoying.
It's really annoying. Why am I so troubled about it? He makes me worried, but I'm supposed to be mad at him. So I don't understand what is wrong with me.
"I'm—"
Ren was about to say something when my phone suddenly rang. It was Koby. Huh? I wonder if he needed something. I decided to answer it since I miss talking to him.
"Hel—"
Before I even got the chance to say anything, Koby cut me off by talking first. Ren was just sitting there, observing me as I tried to ignore these weird feelings in my stomach. Shit, did I eat something weird?
"Where are you?"
Koby said on the phone as I couldn't help but feel confused. He sounded weird, like he was down or something.
"I'm still in my class. Why?"
I replied as Koby sighed, which is weird. And what's even weirder is Ren, who has been staring so intently at me. Goodness gracious, this is troubling for my fragile heart. Shit.
"I broke up with Celine."
When I heard Koby say that on the other line, I was deeply shocked. Please don't tell me that he's actually serious with his confession. Wait, what the heck?
"What? Wh—"
Before I could even finish asking what happened, Koby cut me off, saying things that make me feel worried about him.
"I need you."
His voice sounded sad, as if he'd been crying. Hearing him say all that makes me confused. Why would he break up with Celine? Why did he break up with her? Why would he say that to me? I don't understand, but he seems desperate. He sounded—broken.
"Where are you?"
I asked, Why is this happening now? Just when my doubts started to consume me. Is the universe really telling me that Koby was supposed to be mine in any way? I was glad. I don't know why everything feels like it's going to be just right. Koby told me where he was as I told him that I was coming. He sounded like he needed someone next to him to make sure he had a shoulder to cry on.
And I wanted to be the person next to him.