I can't wait until the festival ends. I needed to see Ren. I'm not even sure if these feelings of mine are even real, but just thinking about him makes me feel—comfortable. I just really need to see him right now. Maybe if I did see his face, I would finally realise my own feelings. The warm, fuzzy feelings that I've been having for a while now, I wonder if he is the reason behind them all.
"Hey there, you seem to be in a hurry."
Jason approached me as I gave him a smile.
"Have you seen Ren?"
I asked, completely ignoring his question as he smirked in return.
"Oh, I see where this is going now; lucky for you. I've just seen him walking to the rooftop."
Jason whispers as he gives me a wink. Gosh, I can't believe that I met him of all people. He makes me feel so embarrassed for having these feelings, goodness.
"Thanks!"
I waved at him as he gave me a double thumbs up. Gosh, this is making me even more nervous. I don't know why I just need to see him right now. It's weird; now that I think about it, I never even feel this nervous when I think about Koby.
As I ran, maybe I was a bit excited, but anyway—as I finally reached the rooftop. Ren's nowhere to be found, and the festival hasn't ended yet. He must still be busy doing the things that he told me about. I wonder what secret he is going to tell me. For some reason, I can't wait for it. Although I was just confessed to by my childhood friend, the one that I believe I have feelings for, It just feels wrong after it actually happened.
It's shocking.
I never thought that he would actually say that he liked me. He probably didn't mean it since he just wants us to be close again, as friends. For sure. I can't believe that it took me a confession to realise that I don't really feel that way towards him. And now, I'm starting to feel guilty towards Celine, for planning to steal Koby's away to break their relationship apart. Shit, I hope that they didn't really end up breaking up. I wouldn't be able to get a good night's sleep if they did.
I really need to apologise to her for everything, since I was the reason for them to be arguing.
"I can't believe this is happening."
I sigh as I continue to look at the students below me; they look like they are having fun. It's such a shame that I didn't get to enjoy the festival with Ren. Wait—shit. I just realised how he actually likes someone else and not me.
What the heck?
I seriously forgot that he has a crush on Celine.
This is troubling. Just when I realized that I might have feelings for him, I just remembered that he only has eyes for her. I mean, it's not like I expected this to happen; I don't. I'm still unsure of my own feelings for now, so I really need to see him. I will find my answer when I see his face, I'm sure of it.
"And what happens next?"
Ugh. The voices in my head just won't stop making me feel even more confused. Although I don't know what I'm supposed to do with these feelings of mine, I mean, if I did end up liking him and I told him about it. What happens next? I absolutely have no idea.
What if—no. Of course, he wouldn't have any feelings for me. Gosh, who am I kidding? I really am being delusional. Just because he was nice and seems like he cares for me, that doesn't mean that he likes me.
I was the one who decided to fall for him on my own.
So I will be okay even if he rejects me.
I think?
Ugh, I don't know.
I've only just realised this, so I hope it wouldn't hurt too much if he rejected me.
At least for now, I just want to see him.
I've been waiting for Ren for quite a while now, and the festival seems like it's finally ending. It's about time. I can't wait to see him.
: Where are you? I have something to tell you. >.<
I texted Ren, as I was too impatient. Ugh, I can't believe how giddy I am just thinking about him walking towards me with a smile. Goodness, it's making me nervous and excited at the same time.
Realizing what I feel for him makes me realise how every little thing that he does makes me feel special. I mean, I don't know if he's always been like that, but the way he touches my finger, the way he comforts me when I'm sad, I can't believe that I was too focused on something else while Ren was next to me.
I just really wanted to see him right now.
Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours. Ren didn't show up at all. Although it has been three hours, he hasn't even replied to my messages or read them after the first one. I tried calling him, but it went straight to voicemail. I wonder if something happened. He told me to wait, but he didn't show up. It's not like him to just leave me hanging without explaining anything. He's probably still busy with the things that he told me earlier. I could just ask him about what happened later. I wonder if he's coming to his room today.
"Where are you?"
Ren didn't text or call me at all after the festival ended. I even had to walk in the pouring rain since I didn't bring my umbrella. I am worried about him, but I can't help but feel troubled. He also didn't come to his room. So he probably went home, but he should've told me, right? I mean, I waited hours for him like a fool, but he never showed up. He didn't call or text. Nothing. It's like he just disappeared into thin air.
I don't know why, but I feel disappointed.
—
I think that I might've caught a cold from walking in the pouring rain yesterday; hopefully it's not.
"Whoa, are you sick or something?"
Ruby patted my forehead as she told me that I had a high temperature.
"I feel fine; I'm probably just tired."
I shrugged her off as I turned around to face Ren's direction. He was sleeping as he buried his head in his desk. I wonder if he caught a cold; he seems different from usual. And it's weird how he didn't apologise for making me wait for hours without explaining anything.
What the heck is wrong with you?
I don't know why, but just looking at him and acting like he didn't make me promise to wait for him makes me pissed off.
I'm starting to doubt my feelings for him.
It's probably just an attraction.
I shouldn't have been so confident about it. I should have known from what he's doing right now that he doesn't really care about me like I thought he would. I guess I really was delusional.
I wish that I could erase these feelings of mine.
"Why are you alone today? Where's your boyfriend?"
Ethan furrowed his eyebrows as I sighed.
"I don't know."
I don't know why I feel so tired, so annoyed with everything.
I just want to sleep.
"So you're not denying that he's your boyfriend, huh?"
Ethan smirks, and I don't know why I can't really see him. Ugh, what the heck?
"Are you okay? Hey—"
I wonder why Ethan keeps moving around so much; I feel like I could see three of him as I can't really grasp what he's been saying to me. I don't know why he's speaking so quietly; he's making me dizzy.
I hate this so much.
—
I woke up with an extreme headache. My body feels numb; it was scorching hot, but at the same time I feel too cold. Something's wrong with me.
"Um, I'm her guardian, so you don't really need to call our parents."
I heard Ethan's voice, and I can't help but feel confused by what he's saying.
"Even if you're siblings, I still need to let your parents know that she's sick and needs to be taken to the hospital."
The moment I heard the nurse mention "parents." I pushed myself out of the bed as I walked towards them. Ethan seems worried; I wonder why.
"It's just a cold. I'm fine."
I assure her, telling her that she doesn't need to call my father. No. I don't want her to call him. I don't want him to see me in this state; I don't want to see his face at all. The nurse keeps asking for my father's contact information, even though I have told her so many times that I am okay and don't need to be taken to the hospital, especially by him.
"I'll take her home; can't you please just let this slide?"
Ethan sighs as the nurse is silent for a moment; she seems to be deep in thought before sighing as she gives us a piece of paper, telling us to write our names and classes.
"I'll let your homeroom teacher know that you're leaving school early. Be sure to let your parents know about this and make sure she eats something decent."
The nurse said as Ethan and I just nodded in unison. I'm just glad that it's over.
"Just wait for me here, okay? I'll get our bags."
Ethan assured me, and I did what he told me. For him to act as a big brother, that was quite a sight. He seems genuinely worried too. It was nice to have someone next to me when I was sick. I don't know why this is making me emotional. Since all my life, my mother had been the only one who took care of me when I was sick.
I just want to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up.
I'm tired of trying to understand my own feelings.
I hate having to experience all this.
I don't want to have these kinds of emotions.
I wish I was just numb to everything.
I just want to disappear.