"I don't know about you, you're just fooling around again," I said just to hide my surprise.
"I'm serious," he replied.
I didn't say anything more and just walked closer to his large mirror. I stood in front of it and observed myself.
I tilted my head slightly. Maybe he was right, there are just certain styles that suit us. And that doesn't mean dresses don't suit me, maybe those specific ones just weren't meant for me to wear.
But I don't know, I was still not whole-heartedly convinced.
"I bet skirts will look good on you too," I heard his voice add.
In a brief second, I saw him standing behind me again with a gentle smile on his lips.
I smirked.
"You know... they also told me those don't suit me." I turned to face him. "Are you intentionally making me try everything I believed didn't suit me?"
What do you actually see in me, Lucian? Why can't I see that in myself?
He didn't answer right away and looked up for a moment as if the answer were up there. But he immediately brought his gaze back to me.
"Why don't you try them then? Judge for yourself. What if it actually suits you?"
"What if it really doesn't?"
"What if it does?"
"What if it doesn't? What if you're just teasing me?"
"What's 'kinekeme'?"
"Damn it, I'm going to have to explain again. Fooling around, playing tricks, like that!"
"Like 'insecure'?"
"Yeah!"
"I thought those were different."
"I don't know about you. Aren't you a state scholar?"
"Hey, that's not the basis for being a scholar! Maybe I'm just not chronically online."
"Bullshit, you're making excuses. Even those without internet at home know that."
"Really?"
"Yeah!"
"I don't think so."
"Yeah!"
"Whatever you say, pretty..."
"What?"
"Pineapple..."
"Idiot, damn you."
He just laughed and shook his head. I rolled my eyes playfully. It was obvious from his face that he was completely sure I should try skirts. And to be honest, he was slowly convincing me.
"I don't know why I agree to your antics. But... the dress is nice, fine," I said just to keep silence from enveloping us.
"The one wearing it is pretty too."
"I don't know about you, stop it or your head might swell," was all I could say.
"It's confidence, Tine."
"You're just making it sound nice, idiot," I replied.
I bit my lower lip and took in the dress I was wearing once more. Lucian stepped slightly closer to me to fix the crushed ruffles near my neck.
He also trimmed a few loose threads he noticed.
As he did that, I couldn't help but look at him. Is he really serious about making clothes? Is this what he loves the most?
If so, why is he in Biology? Isn't that too far off?
"There, burgundy red suits you. It looks great on your skin, Tine..." he complimented again with a sweet smile.
But...
Why is he, once again, showing me the complete opposite of my beliefs?
Why does he always lead me down a path contrary to what I'm used to?
When we were in high school, he accompanied me as I broke the rules and turned my back on my perfect image.
And now...
He's showing me that clothes I thought weren't made for my body type actually suit me.
Why is it that when I'm with him, I'm not afraid to go against what I've gotten used to?
Why am I willing to dive in as long as he says so?
I don't know.
I don't know if there's just something I'm failing to see, or if he's really just good at smooth-talking.
But it seems like the latter is wrong.
And this time, I want to catch a glimpse of what other scenes are hidden from me by the world—scenes that are clear in his eyes.
What else can I do? What else suits me?
"Do you know how to do makeup, too?" I suddenly asked, turning my eyes toward the cosmetics on the table.
I walked closer and looked at what was there. It was almost a complete set of different kinds of cosmetics.
"Not really. Most of those belong to Mom. I only use basics for everyday," he replied. "Powder and tints. Well, boys can wear makeup too."
"True..."
A moment later, he was by my side, also looking at the items in front of us.
I wear makeup, but I'm not too skilled at it. They say this style suits me depending on the details of my face.
I don't know what suits me, which is why I'm afraid to try anything other than lipstick, powder, and blush. Even drawing a simple eyeliner makes me nervous because it might not suit the shape of my eyes.
How do people even know what suits them? How do people know which angle brings out their best look?
I faced Lucian, who immediately turned his eyes toward me.
"Do my makeup," I suddenly ordered.
"Huh?" he asked, confused.
I pointed to what was in front of us.
"Dolled me up, let's make the most of you turning me into a Barbie here," I added.
I want to see if I can also consider myself beautiful. Because for a long time, I've believed that I am merely average.
Stuck in the middle, not criticized, but not praised either. I want to know if someone with skin that isn't fair can be beautiful, too.
Ever since I tried on Lucian's gowns and ever since he praised me, I feel like there's a part of me I haven't met yet.
And I want to get to know myself more in this way.
Am I beautiful?
Is my body beautiful?
Is my skin beautiful?
Sometimes I wished to be beautiful like the people I see. But I gave up on that long ago because whenever I faced the mirror, there seemed to be nothing praiseworthy about me.
Lucian was one of the first people to tell me I was beautiful.
"Come on," I urged further.
"I'm not very good at it," he insisted.
"But you didn't say you don't know how at all. Just try it, let's just try. Haven't you ever done someone else's makeup before?"
"I did Faith's makeup back then because it was needed for Kai's project," he answered.
My lips parted slightly in surprise when he brought up Faith's name.
"You did Faith's makeup?" I clarified.
"Ah, didn't she mention it to you guys?"
"No, would I be asking if I knew?"
He leaned back against the table where his things were set, while I remained standing in front of him, challenging him.
"Kai asked her for a favor, asking if Faith could be the subject of his project, photography, I think. I did her makeup because I happened to go to Kai's unit at the time, so yeah..." he explained
My forehead furrowed and my head tilted slightly. I don't usually meddle in other people's lives, but what is up with Kai that Faith seems so comfortable with him?
Faith, who is quiet and almost always only hangs out with us?
She isn't like Merly who seems to have a new friend every day. That's why I wonder how they seem to be getting close to each other.
"Are they really close now?" I asked.
I saw Lucian blink slowly as if contemplating what to answer me.
"Maybe? I've seen her at Kai's unit a few times," she said seriously.
"Do you think something is going on between them?" I pried.
Possible, right? I don't know what Faith does with her life, but it looks suspicious when their scene is like this. Why is Faith going to Kai's condo? For what?
Why does it seem like they're hanging out more often? Whatever it is, I hope it doesn't bring her any harm.
"Come on, let me do your makeup," he suddenly said.
"Why did you suddenly agree?"
"Nothing, just because you want to. Don't you want to anymore?"
"I want to..."
His smile bloomed. I was about to speak again, but he suddenly raised his hand and tucked my hair behind my ear.
"I'll style your hair too," he offered.
"Really?"
He just nodded while his eyes were still on me.
"You know how to style hair too?"
"A bit, but I'm more used to making clothes. But I also want to learn makeup and hairstyling," he said. "Come on, sit here."
"So, why did you almost reject me earlier?"
"I'm sorry," he surrendered with a sweet smile.
He gently patted a seat. I immediately complied and positioned myself on a stool.
I followed him with my eyes as he faced his kit. He began picking what he would use from the countless products there.
"Why do you seem focused on women's stuff? On clothes... and then on styling?" I inquired while he was focused on selecting.
He raised his eyes to look at me slightly but returned to what he was doing. Every move he made was gentle. Every touch on the products was light. There wasn't even much sound of dropping things when he put down the fragile items.
"I don't know... I also make men's stuff. But in terms of women's, I enjoy it more. It may sound lame, but I find women's figure majestic like a masterpiece. There are so many clothes you can design for them," he explained with a smile on his lips.
I read somewhere before that you can tell a designer is great when their women's creations are beautiful. From the glint in his eyes, I could see he was serious about what he was saying.
He was right, though, there is more to explore with women. From clothes and hair, all the way to facial styling.
"Women are masterpieces?" I asked with a smile.
"Yes, women are masterpieces," he repeated.
I just smiled at what he said. He approached me holding two bottles that looked like foundation.
"I'll see which one suits your skin better," he said.
I didn't answer anymore and just waited to see what he would do. He took some from those two bottles and placed it on the back of his palm.
Both shades were a bit dark, one was lighter compared to the other, but the colors weren't that far apart.
Using a small brush, he swiped it near the lower part of my cheek. He did the same with both colors.
Afterward, he examined it on me and nodded slightly to his self. Has he chosen one already?
He grabbed a tissue and wiped off what he had swiped on me.
"This one is better for you," he said, then put back the container he didn't choose.
I didn't move anymore when he applied various things on me, skin prep, he said, so my skin wouldn't get damaged. Whatever, that's what he said.
After that, he applied foundation on me. Every movement of him was gentle, his hand light with every dab of the sponge.
I couldn't help but look at his expression while he was doing my makeup. He was dead serious about what he was doing, as if his life depended on it.
I wanted to laugh at that, but I held it back.
I never thought I’d be here, getting my makeup done by Lucian. Even now, I still can't believe he has a hidden talent like this.
Will he pursue this in the future?
"Close your eyes," he commanded, and I complied.
I felt his gentle dabs on my eyes again. I didn't know what he was doing anymore, but my guess was eyeshadow and eyeliner.
"There, beautiful," he said.
"What's beautiful? Me?"
"Yeah," he replied directly.
I opened my eyes and saw him grabbing something from the table. He came closer and next, applied powder on me.
He did a lot more things to my face that I could no longer track until he grabbed a lipstick and gently wiped it across my lips.
I watched the movement of his eyes, the medium bridge of his nose, and his lips that were slightly parted.
For a reason I didn't understand, I suddenly swallowed hard as something embraced my heart.
In that brief moment, I remembered my dream where I kissed him.
My chest pounded even faster when he held my chin to make me look up. My eyes widened slightly in surprise, but I tried hard to hide my shock.
He grabbed a small brush and moved even closer to me.
Our face distance was so... small now while he dabbed something on my cheek.
I didn't know why my gaze was so glued to him. Why was that? Why did I feel like just watching him all night?
Why did it feel like I didn't want him to step away from me this time? Why was my heart beating like this?
Our skin brushed against each other, even down to my thigh. His breath was hitting my face directly.
"You know, Faith has soft features while you... you have strong features. I like it," he said, then stepped back from me.
I could slightly feel the weight of the cosmetics on my face, but I didn't have time to mind it because the strange pounding in my chest still hadn't calmed down.
"Really?" was the only thing that came out of my mouth.
"Yeah, she's like an angel, really." He even chuckled slightly.
I just smiled back because I agreed with her. Faith really did possess a unique kind of beauty.
"All done," he announced after applying something to my lips.
He turned me toward the mirror, and there I looked at myself. You know, I didn't believe him when he said he wasn't very skilled.
I mean, his work wasn't totally perfect, but it was already great for someone claiming to be 'not very skilled.'
"You're actually good at this," I said, tilting my face slightly to see both sides.
"Not really."
"Pff, playing humble," I replied, which he just laughed off.
Next, he went behind me, and in just a few moments, he was combing my hair.
"Did you learn how to do makeup because of your Mom? Was your dress back then because of your Mom?" I asked.
I saw him smile in the mirror in front of us while he was still busy stroking my hair.
"Yeah, my Mom is actually a makeup artist, so ever since I was young, she always entered me in pageants. She was the one who did my makeup and made custom gowns for me so I'd have pretty things to wear. So I guess that's why I took a liking to it, too."
I nodded repeatedly, feeling a slight electric spark every time his fingers brushed against my head.
​"So, why did you take Biology if you're good at this?"
​"That's not practical," he simply stated.
I fell silent because of that. So even he thought the same way.
​Truth be told, it's easy to say you should follow your dreams, but when your eyes are opened to the reality of the world, that you weren't born with privilege, you will really think twice about pursuing your true dream.
​Even I don't know if this is really what I want or if my heart beats for something else.
​It's fun to study people, but there are times that make me wonder if this is truly the path I want to take. Why do I feel lacking no matter which way I look at it?
​"Is that your uniform?" I pointed to the white clothing hanging on one side.
​He looked at it too while running a comb through the sides of my hair.
​"Yeah, I wore that uniform earlier. That's also the uniform for Psychology, right?"
​"Yeah, it's a bit loose on me though. I think I lost weight."
​"How's your studies so far?" he asked.
​He stepped away from me and placed the comb on the table. He rummaged through something and then pulled out a few hairpins.
​"It's fine, I'm usually chasing deadlines. It's really hard to balance studying and working," I said. "But it's okay, I can manage."
​I took a deep breath as I remembered the things I did just to catch up on activities, barely giving myself any rest.
​But even so, my heart felt light right now because I was far from the two forces that were crushing me. Because right now, I was here with Lucian.
​He returned behind me and applied some liquid hair product. I don't know what it was, but it smelled nice.
​"Are you proud that you're a working student?" he suddenly asked.
​I froze upon hearing that. My ears burned. So there was another person who would ask me that, Lucian, of all people.
​The small smile on my lips faded instantly, and I struggled to think of what I wanted to say.
​"Is it something to be proud of, watching your classmates go home to study while you... still need to earn money? It's not. It really isn't," I answered seriously.
​"Right, it's so unfair."
​I went quiet after saying that. I just let him fix my hair. I didn't usually style my hair much anyway because I didn't even know what suited me.
​I actually want to wear dresses or skirts, but I was just driven by the belief that they didn't suit me. Because they said so, because they made it seem that way, so I believed it too.
​And that's what I saw as well. I guess the influence of the people around me is really strong. A simple word from them could change how I see things.
​Even how I see myself.
​"You look stunning, Tine..." he complimented with a smile from behind me.
​I stood in front of the large mirror again and observed myself, wearing the dress and with my face done up.
​I didn't know what to feel or if there were even right words to escape my lips.
​So pretty... I look so pretty.
​The dress suited me perfectly, as did my makeup and the way he styled my hair.
​It was a half-ponytail with a few strands in front. I didn't even know this kind of style would look good on me.
​Why didn't I realize sooner that I could look like this too? Why, for my whole life... did I believe I wasn't pretty?
​Turns out, I was wrong.
​Lucian stepped in front of me and gently adjusted my hair. I just pouted, holding back my emotions.
​I couldn't believe it.
​All this time, I could actually be pretty in my own eyes after all.
​I am pretty after all.
​I caught a glimpse of Lucian's sweet smile again, and then he tapped me lightly on the shoulder.
​"You could be a model now," he added.
"Just for this? Model right away?"
​"Why not?"
​I do find myself pretty now, but my looks probably still aren't enough for the kind of model he's talking about. Even if it was just a joke, that's already too far out of reach for me.
​Even though it was my dream as a child to be like the beautiful Disney princesses, I know that's unlikely for me now.
​But at least my looks can still be improved. Maybe not as gorgeous as others, but enough for me to smile at myself in front of the mirror.
​My focus shifted back to Lucian.
​I didn't say anything more and just kept my eyes on him. Once again, a strange heartbeat surged within me. It didn't hurt in my chest, instead, it gently carried every beat into a rhythm I wanted to flow with.
​I sought Lucian's eyes and allowed myself to drown in their captivating pull.
​Shit, is this why I'm feeling like this because...
​Do I already like Lucian?
​"Tine..."
​I snapped back to reality when I felt his hand take my palm. I didn't know if I had been dazed for a long time or what.
​All the blood rushed even more to my cheeks.
​I think I'm in trouble.
​He placed something in my hand, so I looked down at it. I stared at the lipstick, unable to understand why he was handing it to me.
​"That's yours, you left it at my condo."