Hours rolled by, and each passing day brought different experiences. Midterms ended, and my workload eased up a bit.
I'm also grateful that I'm no longer on the graveyard shift at my job, as I managed to request a schedule change. They usually only give me four hours now.
The graveyard shift is easier despite losing sleep, since there aren't that many people during those hours.
There are also times when I get to eat with my friends, not always as a full group, just one by one, depending on who I happen to catch with a matching schedule.
The past few days haven't been easy for our friend group either.
We had a big fight recently because we found out that Faith was planning to leave. Merly was extremely furious, so I couldn't stop myself from talking back to her.
I didn't expect that I'd see that kind of argument among us. I couldn't understand why Merly seemed to be blaming Faith for leaving and going back to their province, when Faith didn't do anything wrong.
It wasn't even her choice. We all know she didn't want to leave, and she was struggling too because her family was the one demanding it. That's Faith's life, and we are only her friends.
Fortunately, it didn't last long, and we made up. The problem now, however, is that Faith's place caught fire. Merly said Faith's dormmate was also affected by the fire.
I don't know where she is now. Though she said she's fine.
It's a relief that she's no longer leaving. We'll still be together, especially now that my schedule is a bit freer.
"Do you have work today, Celestine?" Mona asked after class ended.
"Not until early dawn," I answered.
"Where are you heading first? Going home?" Dahlia asked.
"Maybe not yet, probably hanging out with my friends first."
"Why didn't you apply at those fast-food joints in Pureza instead? So commuting wouldn't be such a hassle for you?" John asked as we walked out of the room.
"I don't want to, too many people would see me there. It's embarrassing, no," I replied with a laugh.
We walked down the spiral staircase while talking about the activities we had to submit. A few of our subjects were still requiring midterm deliverables, even though technically, finals should be starting soon.
It really is true what they say, midterms last for a whole month, and then suddenly, finals are in just one week.
Sigh, that's just how it is in state universities, I guess.
I wanted to kill time with my friends, but as it happened, they had classes right now. Yuan, on the other hand, was with Gella.
I sat at the Lagoon and lightly tapped my finger on the edge of my phone before pressing a number that I found myself fond of staring at.
Tine: Where are you?
Lucian, Tine's bff: University, why?
Tine: Wow, fast reply huh Are you doing something? I don't have anyone with me I don't have classes anymore
Lucian, Tine's bff: I'm on break too, my friend in Sunken is just filming a streetcard video and I'm helping them. Are you not with your friends?
Tine: They have class!

Lucian, Tine's bff: So I'm just your backburner, huh. The fallback when you have no one else.
Tine: You're so dramatic!
Lucian, Tine's bff: She might see you, she saw you following me earlier HAHAHAHA
"Just at his condo then."
"Please drop me off there too."
Tine: "Okay, bff"
Lucian, Tine's bff: "See you!"
I stood up from where I was sitting and completely left the campus. Not long after, I was standing in front of Lucian's condominium building.
I've been here before, last month, and he already gave me access. They log you in, but you can enter even if you aren't with the owner.
As for his hideout, I've gone there once or twice by myself. Nothing special, just whenever I want to be alone. He lets me.
I waited first at the coffee shop across the street. I didn't want to just go up without him there.
I watched the street because I chose a seat by the side. I could see the flow of vehicles. I'll just cross over later when he calls.
I probably won't go home and will just pass the time here with him. I don't know, he's easy to be around, I feel entertained, and my fatigue lightens.
I can't help but think about his stalker. It's Wednesday today, so that person is definitely following him again.
It's still weird. Their following of Lucian has a schedule. Maybe they really do it out of extreme admiration and have no intention of hurting Lucian. They just want to observe him. But it's still not good.
Lucian is smart, and if he knows someone is following him and can read their moves, why does it seem like he just lets it happen?
Does he not want to stop this completely?
I feel like he has another reason. It might be too shallow to say he's just scared and doesn't want to try because he failed before.
This has been bothering my mind for a long time, but I just brush it aside because it might be too sensitive for him.
But maybe I'll ask sometime. Because I'm the one having a hard time for him.
We also haven't talked much about his offer for me to model his work. I know it's not an everyday thing if I accept, and I still don't know why a part of me wants to accept it.
A few moments later, my phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered the call.
"Where are you, Tine? Come here now, go through the parking lot," Lucian said from the other end of the line.
"Were you followed?"
"Earlier, don't know about now."
"Okay..."
We ended the call. I immediately stood up and walked out of that coffee shop. I was greeted by the noisy street.
I glanced around. I didn't see anything suspicious nearby, so I just crossed.
I headed to the parking lot. There's an entrance here to go inside. It won't be hard for me either because Lucian gave me access. I'm starting to feel like I live here too.
I can't enter through the front because his stalker might see us together. It's better to be safe.
Why doesn't he just file charges against that person anyway? He has evidence!
"What's that? Your love letter again?" I asked as soon as I entered his condo.
I pointed at the light pink envelope on his coffee table.
"Ah, yeah. Want to read it?"
"No way," I declined, which he just laughed off.
We were both still in uniform. I took off the jacket I was wearing and immediately went straight to his kitchen to get water.
"I have beer there," he offered.
"Look at you, you always think every time we meet, drinking is my goal," I said, then poured water into a glass.
"Why? Isn't it?"
He walked toward me and watched what I was doing. I turned to face him while drinking from the glass I filled.
"Fool, you're the only heavy drinker between the two of us," I said after drinking.
"Why are you here then?" he asked.
"Nothing, I just missed you," I said.
His eyebrows raised slightly, then he hit my shoulder lightly.
"I just missed your condo, it's pretty here," I took back. "Let me hang out here for a bit, I still have work later."
I went back to the sofa and sat down. I leaned my head back because I could still feel the fatigue.
"You have nothing to do? Aren't you busy?" he asked, then sat beside me.
He set down a small plate of sliced cake.
"Wow, thank you," I said. "I'm still busy, but my schedule got a bit easier because I'm on the graveyard shift now."
"Is the schedule okay for you?"
"It's fine, at least I'm not chasing after time like when they usually only gave me 4 hours."
"Are they nice now?"
"Just Ma'am Althea." I jokingly rolled my eyes.
I took a bite of the cake he gave me, while also taking out some of my things to study here. I didn't pay attention to him anymore when he stood up and went to his room.
When he returned, he was wearing house clothes. Just simple sweatpants and a black shirt. It was slightly tight on his body.
He sat down beside me.
"Are you and your friends okay now?" he asked.
He knows about our recent fight because he was the one I vented to after that.
"Yeah, but Faith's dorm burned down," I said with a sigh.
"I heard about it," he replied.
"Really? Did I tell you?"
"No..."
"Where did you find out then?"
"From Kai..."
"Ah, Faith probably told him."
I just nodded repeatedly. She and Kai are really close, huh. But until now, they still aren't saying anything. Maybe they have a secret relationship since they even have matching couple bracelets.
"But she's okay now, she's supposedly with one of her housemates," I added, then cut another piece of the cake in front of me.
I looked at Lucian and noticed him frowning.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Huh?"
"What do you mean she's with her housemate? She's here..." He pointed at his door.
"What do you mean she's here? At the door?" I asked, confused.
"She's with Kai," he said.
My frown deepened, and I looked at him in disbelief. I searched his face for any sign that he was just joking.
"Fool, is this joke time?" I said.
"I'm serious! She's staying with Kai right now. I was actually surprised at first too. I don't know what exactly their deal is. But she's here."
"Serious?"
"Serious..."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I stood up from where I was sitting and quickly walked toward his door. Kai's unit is directly across, so I wanted to see it with my own eyes.
"Where are you going?" he called out, following after me.
As I opened it, I simultaneously heard a sound from the unit across. I don't know why I couldn't widen the crack of the door.
I felt Lucian behind me. From the opening of the door, I watched Faith walking away. She was walking down the hallway and clearly in a hurry.
So, she really is here.
I closed the door and turned around to face him. I didn't realize he was so close, with one hand even leaning against the wall beside me.
"Do you believe me now?"
I swallowed hard and moved away from him. He was way too close, ha!
"But why didn't she tell us?" I asked, as if he knew the answer.
"Maybe she just didn't want you guys to worry..."
My eyes narrowed slightly as I looked at him intently. I noticed both of his eyebrows raise just a bit.
"Hey, I don't know what's going on with them right now. But is your friend okay? Isn't he an asshole?"
He laughed softly.
"An asshole..."
"Seriously though!"
He raised both hands in defense as I made a gesture like I was going to punch him.
His expression suddenly turned serious.
"I'm not going to say he's extremely nice. But my friend isn't a bad person. That's probably not going to be long-term anyway, just temporary," he explained.
The furrow in my brow slowly faded. Fair enough, there's nothing I can do if that's Faith's decision. If she didn't tell us, maybe it really is just temporary.
It's also no joke that her dorm burned down. All of a sudden, too. I guess I do trust him a little. That friend of Lucian's seems okay enough, seems decent.
"I'll just use the restroom," I excused myself.
Lucian nodded. I went to his bathroom and took a quick pee. I also fixed my face in front of the mirror.
There was still plenty of time before I had to go to work. I could probably even sleep deeply here. I brought my uniform with me so I could change right here.
I stepped out of the bathroom, and when I closed it, my eyes fell once again on that letter resting silently on the counter.
I returned to where I was sitting, where Lucian was now facing his laptop. Looks like he was doing something.
"Do you actually read those letters from your stalker?" I asked casually.
I watched him carefully, observing whether his expression would change when I brought up the topic of his stalker.
"Not anymore, just the earlier ones, yeah. I already know what's inside them anyway," he said.
I crossed my arms and focused my full attention on him. I felt like I wouldn't be able to stop myself from asking anymore.
"Why do you just let it happen? You have solid evidence to report them. Plus, they seem weaker than you. You could easily catch them yourself. You're smart, you could easily outsmart them to make them stop," I said with a grimace.
He shifted his gaze to me, looking thoughtful. He tilted his head slightly.
"Why are we suddenly talking about this?" he asked back.
"I just don't get it. Why are you letting it be when there's so much you could do? Didn't you say you were uncomfortable?"
I felt the air between us grow heavy. I didn't know if I'd regret bringing it up.
"What would people say then? That I'm making a big deal out of someone who has a crush on me?"
"Are you scared of what they'll say?"
"No, I just don't want them to judge and laugh at it. I told you I tried to stop her, but she still keeps going. And if I push through with filing charges... what if I end up ruining her life? What if she's not actually a bad person?"
My shoulders dropped at what I heard from him. I didn't know if he was genuinely being serious about that or just saying it to give me an answer.
"And I know it sounds so bad, but part of me wants to see how long she can keep this up."
"What if she gets more desperate? What if she hurts you? Or the people around you? Are you really thinking about what she feels instead of yourself?"
He didn't answer right away, as if trying to figure out what to say. Slowly, I began to get his point.
It really isn't common for a guy to get stalked, and because it seems like she just wants to admire him, people might just laugh it off if he reports it.
But I'm just worried about him.
"I just want her to stop by herself. She'll probably get tired of it eventually. My circle is small too, and so far she hasn't approached anyone among them."
"So, you're complacent now? What if on the three days you think you're safe, she suddenly follows you? That's not impossible, right? What if she turns that into a trap later?"
He smiled, as if our conversation wasn't anything serious to him.
"I am not ignoring the possibility. And don't you want to see what she'll do just in case?" His smile widened even more.
I couldn't help but hit his shoulder because he didn't seem to be taking the conversation seriously.
"I'll be careful anyway. I know if she followed me or not," he added.
"Are you really not scared? Why is it that before, when you mistook me for her, you managed to get angry? You hurt me because you thought I was her. Couldn't you do that as a warning to her?"
The smile on his lips faded again. He moved a little closer to me and then let out a sigh.
"That's the thing. I meet up with my friends outside, but with you, I don't."
"Why?"
"You're a girl, Tine."
"Oh? So what?"
"She might think you're an obstacle. You know what I mean."
I couldn't answer and immediately understood what he was trying to say. She really wouldn't like seeing a girl who's so close to the person she's obsessed with.
Between the two of us, we both have feelings for Lucian, but I can get close to him and talk to him while she can only watch from afar.
But I still couldn't help but worry about the girl because of what Lucian said. What she's doing isn't right and could severely affect her mental health.
Also for Lucian, who is now hesitant to act against her.
"That night, I thought she hurt you because you weren't at the meeting place we agreed on. I got drunk a little that time, so my head heated up easily."
I blinked repeatedly, no longer knowing what to say.
"I believe she will stop, Tine. If you think she ruins my life, she ruins her life even more."
People who go through something like that are no joke either. They're scary, but sometimes they need help too. There's a reason why they are like that.
But that doesn't toss away the fact that their actions cause trouble. It shouldn't be ignored, but if Lucian has already done what he can, it's not his obligation to fix another person's life either.
A moment later, I heard his quiet laugh.
"I'm slowly getting used to it anyway, Tine. If ever she does something to you, just tell me."
I didn't answer anymore and just grabbed a glass of water in front of me to drink from.
After that, I rested my back against the base of his sofa. I saw him follow me with his gaze.
"If she doesn't have access here to your condo, why do you still need a hideout?" I asked.
"This is not mine," was his simple answer, which I quickly understood.
He probably can't feel peace in a place he knows isn't really meant for him. Maybe over there is where he feels who he truly is.
Got it.
"Lucian..." I called out.
"Hmm?"
"Maybe the reason you still don't have a girlfriend is because you're worried about your stalker, right?" I blurted out.
He didn't answer immediately and rested his back just like I did. The skin of our arms brushed against each other.
"Maybe?"
"Don't you like anyone? Or even just liked someone? Is it all just studying for you?" I asked casually.
I turned to look at him and noticed him quickly licking his bottom and top lips.
"I... I like someone right now."
With those simple words, my chest pounded. It felt like my heart was about to leap out at the sudden shiver from what I heard from him.
He likes someone now?
I didn't know if I should be happy for him or sad for myself.
What if... what if it isn't me? It's impossible for it to be me anyway, because he's rubbed it in my face so many times that I'm just his friend.
I swallowed hard, as if something were lodged in my throat. I couldn't explain why his eyes suddenly sparkled, as if he were seeing the person he says he likes right in front of him.
"Who?" I asked softly, hiding my nervousness.
Shocks, after this, I'm not going to show my face anymore.
"Secret," he replied, also with a smile on his lips.
My chest grew even heavier because of his teasing delay.
"Do I know her?" I asked further.
Why couldn't I just keep quiet? I'm definitely the one who's going to get hurt if that's the case.
He ran a hand backward through his hair, then bit his lower lip to hold back a smile.
It felt like my breath was being pulled away as time stretched on. How did we end up on this topic? I wish I had just stayed quiet.
It really is hard to like a friend. You don't hold their feelings. Even if you want to give them everything, you can't force their heart to beat for you.
I just like him, but why does this truth hurt so much?
But there's nothing I can do, it's his life.
"Do I know her?" I repeated my question when I caught on to his smiling expression.
"You know her very well," he answered.
Oh!!!
The heaviness in my chest suddenly vanished, but my heart beat even faster. I couldn't read what was on his mind based on the movement of his eyes.
But that line isn't new to me!
Shocks! Am I assuming things now?
A kind of music seemed to sing in my ears. That answer of his felt like enough to make me cling to a tiny sliver of hope.
Everything he had done for me suddenly flashed in my mind, the way he looks at me, even the flow of his conversations with me.
Is it really impossible for him to be like this with all of his friends? Does he let them hang out in his hideout too?
Does he hold their hands when they cry? Does he hug them? Accompany them to sleep? Accompany them to smoke?
Does he look at all of his friends this way?
No.
Shit.
Does he like me?
Is it right for me to think this way?
"Wait, someone's just calling me," he excused himself just as I was about to speak.
I bit my lower lip and let him stand up from where he was sitting.
I was deafened by the thumping of my heart. I wanted to calm it down, but I didn't know how. I wanted to rain questions on him until I heard my own name.
Not long after, he came back and sat beside me again.
"I know her very well?" I repeated what he had said. "Who is it then?"
"Secret for now, I'll tell you later."
He smiled sweetly, but my suspicion only deepened. I really hope I'm right this time. I hope behind those smiles, I'm the one on his mind.
Shocks, just say it, Lucian. We'll be together right away.
"You know, Tine, I'm planning to hold an application process to get models for my works. Do you think anyone will apply?" he said, changing the subject, even though I was still stuck on the previous one.
"No one," I suddenly replied.
"Hmm? Why no one?" he asked, puzzled.
"Don't open applications anymore," I said.
"Why?"
"I'll be your model instead. I'm agreeing to it now."
And I didn't know why I made such a sudden decision without even thinking it through carefully.