Sadie
I’m still standing in front of the closet. My feet are shaking and my eyes are getting blurry. I can feel my heart sting.
Angelica’s words fell from her mouth, but it’s my heart that is breaking. Though my heart is still holding up to my chest. It’s just that the strings of my heart cannot hold it much longer that it wants to set it free and let it go. It seems that no veins would want to keep this living machinery beat anymore. 
I might start giving it the benefit of the doubt. My heart should’ve stopped beating a long time ago. But instead, I keep it up as if I can still survive this trench I’ve been put into.
But...Why am I suffering like this?
Do I deserve to live like this? For what reason? Just because I’m just simply Sadie Ozoa, that one weird kid who does things in her own way and not being like others? For fighting for her safety? Who “breaks the rules'' most people follow that feels wrong for me? Tsk! As if there are rules in life! There are obvious “rules” we need to follow like don’t commit crimes and be kind to others. But the rule book never said to not dress differently, to talk to anyone, or act the way others act!. First of all, what is this? Are we employees of the world? Second, do I have to talk to every person I pass by? And third, are we robots? We are made differently so why do we have to copy each other? So what if I’m just reading in the corner when others are with their friends? So what if I am sitting differently? So what if I am laying down with my head past the end of my bed? So what if I dream big? What is so wrong with the things I do? What even is normal? What even is accepted by the world?
I always wonder how the world even runs. But no one and nothing answered. Well as if it’s gonna be answered. God, you are the creator of Earth. If ever you are there, I need answers. Really because all in my head is just WHAT THE FU-
“Honey~!” I heard my mom from downstairs. 
I wipe my tears carefully with my hand, trying not to rub my eyes because it will make matters worse. “Ma-” my voice cracked in between. Fuck! I can hear footsteps getting closer. I close my eyes, think of something funny and hope for the best. 
“Di-Di~” I can hear my mom a few feet behind me. “You wanna come with us? We will go grocery shopping and after that, we will eat at Jollibee. Hmm?” 
Mom. Even after all the shit I’ve done, you still talk to me like when we were still kids. I turn around and you are by my door. She is wearing the red dress and purple velvet stilettos, the same outfit she wore when she and ex-dad went on their 15th-anniversary date. She had her black hair in a nice bun which showed her gold pineapple earring. Lastly, I look at her face. She’s smiling. Although she can be quite old now, she still looks like an angel who came into my room to save me. I don’t know why she looks so happy but I don’t care. I am happy to see her like this. The last time she smiled this wide was when we were kids, when my ex-dad is still with us. When we would still go to random parks and play before the sun goes down. The times where we would watch movies in our home because we laugh, cry, and scream too loud. I still remember how happy we were back then. I wonder if the reason behind the disaster we are facing right now is because he lied to us or because I decided to fight back.
“Dasie,” I snapped back to reality. I can feel my tears in my eyes again but I’m trying not to let it fall and hope my mom never noticed. Glad she doesn’t have her glasses with her. “Are you coming?” 
Maybe I should. I don’t want to disappoint her again. But what if I did? Maybe I’ll ruin it. Just like the last time I accidentally got lost in a mall because I was distracted by the tote bags. 
“Umm...Maybe not mom.”
I saw her smile drop a bit. “Why?”
“Umm...I have more things to do in school. I-I swear I’ll clean the whole house before you arrive.”
Mom sighed and looked down, maybe thinking. She looked back up. “Why do you always stay here? Aren’t you tired of it?” I just stared at her, right now I don’t know what to think. Should I change my mind? 
My mom keeps talking about how I should go outside but I cut her off. “Mom, it's fine. I mean I will go outside tomorrow anyways.”
She stared at me for a minute, maybe trying to look for somehow a hint that I’m lying but gave up right away. “Okay then.” She walked to me and hugged me. I hugged back. She has said something that hurt me then but who wouldn’t want to feel the warmth and love from the one close to your heart? I still love her. She is the only one who cares that I’m still breathing--and the reason why I do. I have done so many things that she deserves. She doesn’t deserve a mess, and I don’t deserve a mother like her.
She then pushed me a little bit to look at me while gripping on my shoulders. I could say we are staring at each other’s eyes but it feels like she is looking through mine. I smiled and tried holding back my tears. She then let out a small smile herself. If I got to be honest, her eyes and her smile are so pure it made me smile bigger.
“Okay.” She let go of me and walked back to the door. She turned her head one last time, keeping that same soft smile. “You want the ultimate burger patty with egg and fries again?”
I nodded, bringing her the biggest, and fakest, grin I could give her. She then told me to lock the doors and stay inside so I could be safe. I peered out of my room as soon as my mom went downstairs. I watch my mom go down and talk a bit to my sister who is holding the door open. It did not take a while till they all went out and closed the door. I let out a long sigh. I walk back to my bed while plugging my earphones back in. I lay back in the same position. I closed my eyes for a while and just went back to thinking.
I wish this world will one day realize what they are doing and decide to change right away. A change where I could wear what I want and love who I want and be who I am without feeling scared. Because the world is so cruel that even I can’t say what I want to say. 
Although I’m following the rules for a bit, I have to do something and I won’t let people stop me this time. We need to change the rules and the stinky system, and if I did not stand up for me and the rest who feel alone, then who?
I won’t let this world stay this way. It needs to be changed somehow. And it will change for the good.