Chapter 27
It been years...
I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know where am I going to start. It's feels like yesterday when everything happened. The images of the past were still sharp on my memory. Those happy moments I had with my highschool friends lingered in my head, making miss it. Those moments of my teenage years feels like it just happened awhile ago. Time flies so fast, some images were kind of blurry to me. Ang tanging hindi ko lang nakakalimutan ay ang mga araw ng kabataan ko.
A sly bitter smile formed into my lips when I realized I was reminiscing again. It was such a beautiful memory turns into a horrible nightmare of my life. But even still, I couldn't help but to miss those things.
Instantly, longing crawled from foot, up to my heart.
Mama.
What if  buhay ang baby ko? 
What if she was saved? 
What if I took good care of her furthermore? What if I haven't been so careless? What if I am not an irresponsible mother?
Would she still be alive? 
Will she be here? Will she hug me and kiss me, too? 
The shining yellow-ish light from the above used to be my favorite thing in the whole. Its serenity, its calming dapple, and its brightness gives me a lot of comfort and peacefulness.
But I eventually stopped loving it. Before. The peace wasn't as the same as the sunlight I used to love and dote with. It was more likely as torture for me. How could be the sun shines so bright to lift up everyone's day and it's unfair to me because I couldn't even feel it?
The life was really so unfair. Even the earth itself wasn't equal. It must be cylindrical or circle.
"Hi, madame!" A cute little girl stopped in front of me, sweating and panting, reminding me of how my childhood days went past by. 
She has this black american features, and a little slang accent on her voice.
I blinked my eyes, shaking the thoughts of my past and the sorrow I already buried six feet below the ground, I smiled at the little girl. 
"Yes, lil madame?" I asked softly, faltered if I would lift my hand to rake my fingers on her messy hair or not. In the end, I chose the latter. 
She might get harm if I'd touch her.
"Would you like to play with me?" she enthusiastically clasped her hands together as she batted he4 long and curly eyes lashes.
Bahagya akong natigilan.
I swallowed the nervousness building from the tip of my finger up to my throat as I looked at the angelic and hopeful eyes dancing on the black american girl's eyes.
No.
At the end, I shook my head lightly while pinching my fingers. 
"I... I'm sorry, honey." I said and watched how her shoulder tugged down as her head hung low.
My eyes softened as she turned around and slowly walk back where she came from. 
I'm sorry... I just can't take the risks. 
I bit my lower lip and when was about to pinch myself again someone pushed me from the bench where I was sitting. 
"Bulaga!" 
I gasped when I almost fell my knees on the ground. My mouth literally drop down as my eyes grew bigger in shock. My heart nearly dodge out from its ribcage, my stomach went cold and my body hair straightened. 
"PUTANGINAAAAAAA!"
I screamed my lung's out and the next thing I heard was his loud, hearty chuckles. 
I stood up abruptly.
Galit akong lumingon sa nagtulak sa akin at sinamaan ito nang tingin. But I eventually stopped when his familiar face blocked my view.
I looked flatly at him, silently observing his look. He was wearing a black sando and a khaki short. It was a season of winter here in USA yet he wasn't even looked bothered on the way he dressed himself. 
Weird people, really.
I went up my gaze on his body, as usual, I still find him handsome. His white and pale skin, his muscle body, his chiseled chest, and his height makes me mad for some reason.
Shet lang.
I didn't expect he'll grew up handsomely, parang dati lang mas matangkad pa ako sa kaniya. 
He has this beautiful aristocrat pointy nose, angled jaw, and red thin lips. His teeth were perfect and the small dimples on the side of his lips looks so attractive. Those thick brows and hypnotising amber eyes. Oh, God. Send me all the best of courage not to compliment this man man in front of me.
My anger quickly subdue. 
Sucks for being a marupok.
I pouted.
He was still laughing hard as if he have all the time in the world to do so. Halos maiyak na siya sa kakatawa. He was even holding his stomach, obliviously catching the people's attention. But who cares anyway? Wala namang pakialam ang mga tao dito sa lahat ng gawin ng kasama nila.
Wala naman kasi kami sa pinas na ang mga tao tinitingnan at pinupuna ang lahat ng kilos at galaw namin. Wala naman kasi ang dating mga kapitbahay namin na pang CCTV ang mata at recorder ang tenga at writer ang dila makadagdag ng storya.
"BA'T KA BA NANUNULAK?!" I hissed, pretending pissed.
"Oh, God. You should've seen your face. It was hilarious!" he laughed out loud, kind of insulting me.
Not that I am insulted, I know it was just a tease but I can't help but to glare at him.
"WHAT?!"
"Your face," he laughed hard again. "it was priceless! So ugly,"
Nanlaki ang butas ng aking ilong at nanlaki ang aking mga mata. 
"ANONG SABI MO?!"
He gasped as his eyes widened like as if he realized I wasn't just pretending to be piss off anymore.
"Luh?" he innocently averted my eyes and it landed somewhere else. "Mesenabi daw ako?"
"MAYROON!" I stomped my feet and threw him a sharp look.
"Ewan ko sa'yo, Sunny." He rolled his eyes.
He then, smiled cheekily, showing me his white teeth and a small dimples on the sides of his lips.
"Hehe..." He made a peace sign as he looked at me nervously.
Nameywang ako sa kaniyang harapan.
"Ano na naman bang sadya mo, ha?" sikmat ko.
Napakamot siya sa kaniyang pisngi at ngumuso. "I've texted you..." mahinang sabi niya na para bang nahihiya.
My forehead creased. "What?"
Mas lalong siyang napanguso. "I said... I've texted you..." Pahina nang pahina ang boses niya na para bang nahihiya.
Oh, boy...
"Text?"
He nodded shyly.
I pulled out my phone from my pocket and opened it. True to his word, he texted me.
9 unread messages.
I looked at him over my eyelashes before reading it one by one.
Halos matawa ako sa huling text niya.
Siya:
Babe, uwi ka na foh.
I grinned and brushed my long and wavy brown hair as I licked the bottom of my lips.
"Bakit ba kasi?" mahinahon kong sabi at ibinalik ang cellphone sa bulsa.
I was wearing a black leather jacket, a brown scarves, skinny jeans and a boots. 
"Avan and Franco are waiting for you." 
My lips parted. "Hala?" 
I looked at my wrist watch.
"Yes, dear honey bunch. The boys were patiently waiting," 
Napalunok ako at ngumuso. 
Isinuot ko ang sling bag sa isang balikat at lumapit sa kaniya. I tiptoe and kissed his cheek. 
"Sorry, Papa Preece." I teased and giggled. 
Siya naman ang napanguso at umismid sa akin. I chuckled. 
"Let's go. The kids are waiting," he said and held my elbow. "tumambay ka na naman dito,"
He assisted me towards his car parked near the playground where I was staying a while ago. Pagkatapos ko kasing ihatid ang mga bata sa school nila ay napahinto ako dito at nagbasa ng libro. 
He opened the passenger's seat for me and I went in, thanking him. 
The ride didn't took us long to arrived at the house. I swiftly went out from the car and smiled widely at the twins. 
From here, I could see them pouting. Nakaikis ang mga maliliit nilang braso sa dibdib at nakaupo sa may hagdanan ng terrace. 
Their faces resembles a lot of their father, gwapo at mestizo. 
Lumapit ako sa kanilang dalawa at yumuko para halikan si Avan ngunit umiwas lamang ito. Sunod ko na sanang hahalikan si Franco ngunit ginulat ako nito sa isang iyak. 
"No! Don't kiss me! I hate you!" Franco cried and kicked my foot. 
Gosh...
Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi at lumingon sa likuran. Preece was smirking at me. 
I looked at Franco again. "Hey, I'm sorry, baby..." I said and engulfed him in my arms. 
Hinagod ko ang kaniyang likuran habang humihikbi ito at nagtatantrums.
"Don't you love me anymore, huh, mama?!" he exclaimed and fisted my hair. 
Ouch. 
"No, baby. I love you, alright? Mama loves you." I kissed his temple. 
"No! You're lying! You don't love us anymore!" sigaw ng bata at sinampal ako sa mukha. 
Napangiwi nalang ako dahil may kasakitan iyon at hinalikan siya sa malambot niyang pisngi. "Sorry na, baby ko. Hindi naman sinasadya ni mama, eh." 
"Noooo!" he let out a cry of betrayal. Para bang nakagawa talaga ako ng kasalanan sa kaniya at niloko ko siya. 
Geez, this cutie boy.
"Hush, sorry baby. Mama are so sorry to the both of you." 
Finally, our soft boy softened and calmed down. He buried his face on my neck and sniffed there loudly, catching his breath. 
When I looked down, Avan was pouting his lips while looking at Preece. 
Preece, on the other hand, chuckled and carry the young boy. 
Sabay kaming pumasok ng bahay. 
"The twins went out and waited for you, madame and Sire." The old Madrigal's maid said with a hard, French accent on her voice. 
"It's okay, Demitri." I said. Nilagay ko sa ibabaw ng lamesa si Franco at pinunasan ang luha nito. "Give us a glass of water, please."
Binigyan naman kaagad ako ng matanda. "Here."
"Thanks." I said and gave it to my boy. "Have you eaten, baby?" I asked softly, brushing his hair upwards. 
Umiling ang bata at sumimangot sa akin. "I told you we waited for you!" 
Takte, galit na naman ang dragon namin. 
Nagbuntong hininga ako at gigil na hinalikan ang pisngi niya. 
"Alright, soft boy. Kakain na tayo." 
"Mama, where have you been?" asked by the cold and handsome Avan. He was still carried by his papa. 
As I looked at them, 'di talaga mapagkakailang anak ng isang Sawyer si Avan. He has an amber eyes and a white skin. His twin brother, Franco, got his features from the Madrigal's. Yep, they're fraternal twins. Both heirs of the Madrigal and Sawyer big and well-known companies in the world. 
"Mama bought you chocolates, kiddo. Do you want to see it?"
His eyes widened. "Really, mama?!"
Tumango ako. "Of course," 
"Yay! Yay! Thank you, mama! We love you much!" The twins cheered. 
I smiled sweetly and kissed their heads.
Pagkatapos naming mananghalian, nagkayayaan kaming apat na pumunta sa pool. The three of them wore their swimming trunks and as they jumped out of the pool. 
Ang dalawang bata ay mahilig ding lumangoy kagaya ko. At the age of five, in-enrol ko sila sa isang swimming class. They were too fond of swimming. Lalo na si Franco, si Avan naman ay mas gustong manuod ng cartoons.
Napatingin ako sa kanilang tatlo na naglalaro sa pool. They were so jolly and enthusiastic as theyr played and I couldn't help but to smile sweetly.
"Mama, are we going to Granny's house today?" asked by Avan. He was sitting on my belly as I laid down on the bed. Ang bigat na niya sa totoo lang. He was watching a cartoon on his iPad. Sina Franco naman at Preece ay nasa banyo at sabay naliligo.
"Later, baby. Doon tayo mag di-dinner kasama sina Tito Travis niyo."
Napahinto siya saglit at seryosong tumingin sa akin. "Why?"
"It's lolo and lola's 71st anniversary, Avan."
He innocently tilted his head. "O...kay?"
I chuckled and pinched his cheek. "Yup,"
"Visitors, mama?"
"Meron din."
"Okay." tuluyan na niyang binitawan ang iPad niya at dumapa na sa aking dibdib. "I'm sleepy, mama."
"You can sleep now, baby boy. Mama will not going to leave you," I kissed his soft hair.
"Wuv you, mama. Avan and Franco wuv you so much..."
My heart melted. "Aww... love you, both."
Hindi naman nagtagal ay lumabas na rin sa banyo ang dalawang lalaki.
Nagtama ang mga mata namin ni Preece.
I smiled.
Yes, he's alive. It was his twin brother who died years ago from the disease called leukamia. It explains why I haven't meet him, not even once before. Piere, Preece's twin brother, had been staying in the hospital for the rest of his life until God finally took his breath.
Preece, diagnosed afterwards for having a kidney failure. Both of his kidney weren't functioning, and it was too lat for his family to notice he was sick. The toxins already spread all over his body. The creatinine was too high already.
And so, the doctor suggested them a two choices, first is to dialysis, and second is to have a kidney transplant, but it was too risky so they haven't pursue on that option. The doctor even said that the third one is to surrender and give his life up.
His case was hopeless. His twin brother just died and he was also suffering from a PTSD due of his father's wrong doings.
I was mad at him for not telling me and for not showing himself up. And mostly, for not even giving me a clue that he's alive.
Pero nang malaman ko ang kaniyang kwento at mga pinagdaanan, pinatawad ko kaagad siya. He'd gone through enough. He had enough.
Days after my 18th birthday celebration, my family brought me abroad and we all stayed here since then. They sent me to a psychiatrist which helped me to get better. I was diagnosed for having a suicidal depression and PTSD.
Honestly speaking, nawalan na ako ng ganang mabuhay dati. I thought I was going to lose my sanity. The pain was too much. I felt so drained and exhausted. Nawalan na ako ng ganang mabuhay, nawalan na ako ng pag asang maging maayos at masaya. I was so emotionally and mentally ill years ago.
I sighed as I smiled at myself. I couldn't still believe I got through it all. All thanks to my family's support and God's grace. Still now, I'm still visiting a psychiatrist twice a month. Maayos na ang kalagayan ko ngayon pero patuloy pa rin akong pumupunta sa clinic ng doctor ko, whom I got friends with. He's a good lister and an adviser. A very good and trusted friend of mine.