A/N: tw: mention of death, plane failure, trauma, tragedy
"David," Dylan whispered as he touched his twin brother's tomb.
We were sitting on the grass in front of his twin. Kanina pa kami nakaupo pero matagal bago nagsalita si Dylan, he was just staring at it like it was his own brother.
"16th birthday without you, bro." Dylan's voice cracked. I patted him on his back which made him look at me. Nginitian niya lang ako, isang malungkot na ngiti, bago siya tumingin ulit saglit sa marmol na nasa harap namin, at ibinalik ulit ang tingin sakin.
"I want you to meet someone special to me." He said, staring at me while smiling.
"This is Katherine." His eyes didn't leave mine.
"Katherine." He turned his gaze to the tomb, "This is D-David, my twin.. brother."
A tear escaped from his eyes, and another, until it won't stop anymore, tears started flowing down from his eyes. He let out such a heavy sigh so I held his arm while caressing his back to comfort him. I know I can't do much but I wanted to tell him that I'm here for him.
"Shush," I tried to stop him from crying but I guess it's not working.
At this moment, I saw the fragile side of him, far from the Dylan I knew who was always smiling.
I lent him my handkerchief but he didn't accept it. His shirt and his legs are now starting to get wet because of his overflowing tears. It's heartbreaking for me to see him like this.
I wanted to do something but I know I'm not of any help to him right now.
"He wouldn't like to see you crying in front of him on your birthday." I said while caressing his back. He kept on crying even though I knew he didn't want to.
"I-I'm sorry." He can't finish his words without sobbing so I held his cheek. He looked at me out of shock but his eyes were still releasing their tears.
I wiped his tears using the handkerchief I was holding on one hand, while caressing his cheek on the other. He was stiffened, stayed still while staring at me.
"You shouldn't celebrate your birthday like this, David will not like it." I said when I finished wiping his tears.
"I-I just can't.. help it." He looked down but I made him look at me by raising his chin up.
"It's heartbreaking to see you like this when I know I can't do anything to comfort you,"
He stared at me when I said that, I saw shock in his eyes. It took him a couple of seconds before he held my hand on his cheek tightly. He then gave me a small smile, I wasn't sure if that was genuine or forced but somehow I felt relieved that he smiled.
"Thank you." He said while staring. I wiped my thumb on his cheek which made him close his eyes. Later on, he wiped his tears himself so I removed my hand.
I just let him be silent for a few minutes. He was too emotional, he might cry again if I open up a topic. At least, the heaviness I felt inside my chest was lessened when he stopped crying.
"David was my best friend." I looked at him when he started talking, he was just focused on his brother's tomb. I just listened, that's what he needed the most right now, a listener.
"He was the elder one so I respect him a lot." He touched the part where his brother's name was engraved.
"Mas madalas kaming magkasundo. Kapag naman nagkakaron kami ng maliliit na away, laging siya ang unang makipagbati. I've always looked up on him, he's way more matured and disciplined. Maybe because he knew he was the elder one so he learnt to adjust himself. Madalas kasing kaming dalawa lang ang nasa bahay noon kasama ang mga kasambahay dahil laging nasa trabaho sila mommy. Hindi pa kilala ang D'La Vega 'nong mga panahon na 'yon kaya pursigido talaga sila. Halos kaedad lang rin naming dalawa 'yung hotels." He glanced at me.
"Marami kaming naging kaibigan sa school noon. Maraming natutuwa sa amin dahil nga kambal kami. Minsan, pinagtitripan naming dalawa 'yung mga nasa school at pinapahulaan sino si David at sino si Dylan. Magkamukhang magkamukha kasi kami, ang tanging kaibahan lang namin ay yung mole. Mayron kasi siyang nunal sa banda rito." He held on the side of his neck. "'Yung akin naman ay rito." He turned a little to show me his nape. Mayroon ngang mole pero maliit lang rin naman.
"We were always happy together, though. Sa school, sa bahay, sa mga lakad namin, at sa mga family outing. We were always with each other. And indeed, there was a connection between the two of us. Totoo pala 'yun na kapag magkambal kayo, nararamdaman niyo kung may problema 'yung isa, kapag may sakit, nalulungkot, may malalim na iniisip, lahat 'yun napansin namin sa isa't-isa." He chuckled like he remembered something funny.
"He likes to collect mugs a lot. Remember when we went to Bicol? I bought about five mugs with different designs. Noon kasi, kapag nagkakaroon kami ng family outing sa loob at labas ng bansa, hindi siya umuuwi nang walang dalang mug sa bagahe niya. He displays it inside his glass cabinet, nasa kwarto niya pa rin 'yun hanggang ngayon." He looked at me when he stated the latter part.
Oh, that's why Deila bought him a mug for his birthday.
"We were nine when D'La Vegas Hotels became popular. Lumago nang lumago 'yung hotels hanggang sa nagkaroon ng mga branches sa iba't-ibang parte ng bansa. Mas lalong naging busy sila mommy at daddy pero hindi ako pinabayaan ni David. He learnt how to make us some breakfast with the help of Nanay Tessy and Tatay Henry, doon ako nag-umpisang magkaron ng interes sa pagluluto. I practiced and practiced until I could make us a decent breakfast, David was so proud of me. Sabi niya, bagay daw sa aking maging chef dahil mas masarap daw 'yung luto ko sa luto niya. I made that compliment my motivation to continue pursuing my cooking skills, he was always there to judge my food. Sa kanya ko rin natutunan na mas masarap ang pagkain habang mainit pa, lagi niya yung sinasabi kapag titikman niya luto ko." I saw a sad smile formed on his lips so I patted his back. He glanced at me and just nodded.
"We were ten when Deila came into our lives, the family became the happiest when we're together. Inaalagaan naming dalawa si Deila pagkatapos naming magawa lahat ng homeworks namin. It became a daily routine, actually, we never let mom get exhausted of taking care of Deila. She is our Princess, the youngest and our happy pill. Hindi kami gumagastos ni David nang malaki sa school para makabili kami ng sarili naming regalo para sa kanya. We spoiled her a lot." He looked at the sky before closing his eyes when we felt the breezy air blew stronger.
"Noong eleven years old na kami, saka na nakaabot ang D'La Vega sa ibang mga bansa. We've been to different places like Canada, New York, Sydney, Beijing, Seoul, Bangkok in a span of one year to open the branches there. Kasama namin si Deila kahit one year old pa lang siya dahil hindi siya malayo kay mommy. We grabbed those opportunities to have an out of the country trip. It was always fun, those are the best childhood memories that I have. But it all faded with just one trip.. j-just one." He raised his index finger as he counted.
"After we turned twelve, we went to Japan for the opening of D'La Vegas Hotels in Tokyo. That was the trip that David and I enjoyed the most since we got to see some cosplayers and huge standees of some anime characters. Mahilig kasi kami doon dati, alam mo na, lalaki. Nagpunta rin kami sa Tokyo Disneyland, sobrang saya namin roon. Everything was perfect.. pero akala ko lang pala 'yon." He looked down.
"He died on a plane failure on our way home." His words came out almost a whisper.
I felt like someone just crushed my heart with the tone of his voice, and his words. H-He died in a plane failure?
"I was sleeping the whole flight. Ginising lang ako ni David para kumain dahil madaling araw pa lang 'yon at wala pa kaming matinong almusal. Nagpaalam si mommy noon na papalitan muna ng diaper si Deila. Dahil nga nasa eroplano kami, sumunod na si daddy so kami lang dalawa ang naiwan. And then.. and then." He couldn't continue his sentence.
"It's okay if you're not ready to tell me everything, don't force yourself." I caressed his back. He looked at me with sadness seen all over his face.
"And then we heard a loud explosion." He sobbed.
"E-Everyone began to.. to panic. I can't see mom and dad, a-and Deila, m-my eyes couldn't spot them from the crowd. Sobrang takot na takot na ako 'non pero si-si David.. si David, nginitian niya ako. Nginitian ako ni David." Tears started streaming down his face again. He was trying so hard to not let out a sob so I can clearly see how he is catching his breath.
"Shush." I went closer and leaned his head on my shoulder. I caressed his back while letting him cry his heart out.
"I-I was pulling him so we could go to the exit but he didn't want to.. he didn't want to go w-without mom and dad. Sabi niya.. sabi niya hahanapin niya muna sila mommy at mauna na raw ako lumabas. I never wanted to leave him, God knows how much I wanted to leave that damn plane with him. But.. but he pushed me away, David pushed me away." He cried even more. I felt the part of my shoulder soaked in his tears but I didn't mind at all. It was nothing compared to what he is feeling right now.
"S-Someone pulled me out of the plane. David was left there, he.. he smiled at me one last time, one last time before he.. before he disappeared from my sight. The moment I stepped out of the plane, I-I saw my parents there, they were there all along! I wanted to go back to him, just.. just imagining him screaming for help, it kills me. I begged for someone to help, I-I know he's matured and all but I can feel him.. I can feel that he was scared. We're twins, I-I can feel him, I-I can feel it!" He covered his eyes out of too much confusion.
"Gusto kong.. ibigay lahat ng magiging mana ko doon sa taong humila sakin palabas noong sinabi niya saking babalikan niya sa loob 'yung kapatid ko. He was.. he was an answered prayer! Damn I can give him everything I have, just.. just get David out of that.. that damn plane. But in the end.. in the end, he-he didn't make it. They exploded together with the plane, they.. they were left there. I left them there, damn I left them there." I tried to stop him when he started punching his legs lightly. I held his hands with one of mine to calm him down.
"It's not your fault, don't blame yourself please." He slowly raised his head away from my shoulder and looked at me.
"It was my fault, I left him there, I.. I begged for that person to-to save him, but-but neither one of them were.. were saved. Neither one of them came out alive." He stared at me while saying those words.
"When the bodies were carried out, I-I was so scared to see his but I was also.. I was also curious. I kept on praying that he's not there. I-I prayed so hard that I would see him walking.. towards us. But I only.. I only fooled myself." He kept on sobbing.
He was already panting and I didn't know what to do, I didn't have water with me.
"Shush, Dylan, calm yourself down." I caressed his back. Maski ako ay parang naiiyak na rin dahil sa kwento niya.
"I-I saw him, I saw his.. I saw his body there." He looked sorry and regretful when his eyes pierced into mine.
"Shush, tumahan ka na muna." I gently patted his back.
"His.. his body, he was.. he was, lifeless." His voice cracked upon saying the last word.
"Hahanap lang ako ng tubig-"
I was afraid he would run out of air so I was about to stand and look for drinking water when his hands held mine to stop me from going.
"Stay, please.. Katherine." He looked broken and downed as of the moment.
"Kailangan mo uminom ng tubig." I bent my knees down to be on the same level as him and held on his shoulder for support.
"I-I'm okay." He gave me a small smile.
"You sure are not, you don't always need to look strong, Dylan. Some days, you will have to be weak.. and you can be weak in front of me." I held his chin to raise it up. He looked at me with pure pain and sadness all over his face.
"I.. I have a tumbler in the car." He looked away after saying that.
"I'll be back." I gave him a reassuring smile before running towards his car to get his water tumbler. I can come back almost after a second.
"Here." I sat beside him and gave him his tumbler. Mukhang ayaw pa niyang kuhanin kaya ako na mismo ang nagbukas at iniabot ulit 'yun sa kanya.