I was just staring to nowhere, oblivious on what to do with my life. My mouth's fully close while twirling the pen in my hand. Para akong nakikipagpatintero sa utak kong tila nabubuhol.
This is not me. 
I then stood up and decided to move my body and look for a life, than letting myself being rotted in this hotel. I tied my hair and took a deep breath, before moving my body to exit the room. Kailangan kong bumalik sa opisina para magtrabaho. Hindi ako maaaring humilata na lang dahil sa mga walang katuturang bagay na nangyari sa akin.
I was about to exit the hotel when a big screen caught my attention. My body felt numbed upon watching the news. I was rooted in place, and my bag fell off the floor. 
"Breaking news: Govia Empire's prominent president, Mr. Solomon Segovia dies due to a car accident, dead on arrival at—"
Everything went blur, and my ear deafened. My hands trembled and memories started to flash in my mind. All I could hear it the rapid beating of my heart so as the beeping of something in my ear.
"Solomon…Solomon…"
—
FLASHBACK
I was just walking silently in the shore while holding my little teddy bear, when a loud voice echoed at the back of the Segovia's rest house. Those voices caught my attention, resulting for me to go near the place. My little mind is telling me not to meddle, but curiosity hits my whole being.
"Solomon, no! I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—Arghhh!" I was caught off guard when a familiar voice thundered again, howling in pain.
Hindi ko alam kung anong klaseng eksena ang aking nasasaksihan, ngunit masasabi kong nasasaktan ngayon ang babae.
'Tita Linnette…' said my mind, as I was trembling while watching them argue.
Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa aking laruan, hindi batid kung anong dapat kong gawin.
"You didn't mean to what?! You're a fvcking slut!" I unconsciously covered my mouth when Tito Solomon grabbed her hair and slapped her hard. "Do you really think, hindi ko kayo mabibisto? Now, I will ask you again, where is that fvcking kid?" Tito Solomon asked, making me hold my tears from falling.
I don't want this. I hate violence. The ten-years-old me wants to run away from this scene, but I can't move my body.
"Please, n-not my child. You can punish me, if you want, but not my chi—arghh!" She shouted again when an another slap hits her face.
Mas lalo akong nagulantang nang makitang inilabas ni Tito ang bagay na lagi nilang ginagamit ni daddy kapag nagfa-firing. Halos malagutan ako ng hininga nang itutok niya ito sa noo ni Tita Linnette.
"A b*tch like you don't deserve to live. Of all people, why Adradus?! Ganoon ka na ba kakati para patulan s—"
"I'm so s-sorry. Nagmamahalan k-kami—"
"B*llsh*t!" Mabilis akong napatalon nang dumungaw sa aking tenga ang malakas na putok ng baril, samahan pa ng sigaw na may halong tili ni Tita Linnette.
I got muted, the moment that Tita Linnette's eyes landed on mine. Kusang dumagsa ang aking mga luha at dumoble ang panginginig na nananahan ngayon sa aking sistema.
She diverted her sight to Tito Solomon, when he pulled her hair rougher than before. I'm just a meter away from them, and can clearly hear their voices.
His lips landed on Tita's ear whose now swollen and filled with blood. Kitang kita ko pa rin ang buong pangyayari kahit tila nilalamon ng kadiliman ang kanilang kinasasadlakan.
"Ito ang tatandaan mo. I will kill that fvcking child of yours—"
"No! Please, spare my c-chil—" Tita stopped, and everything went blur due to my tears and abnormal beating of my heart.
Those red liquids keeps on pooling to her mouth, while staring at me until she fall. Without me noticing it, I screamed. My eyes turned round and my hands trembled aberrantly. I panicked and was about to run away, when someone pulled my hair.
"So… The little fella's here." I cried with a pounding heart.
"Y-You…Tita Linn—Killed—Arhh!" Tili ko nang diinan niya ang kaniyang kapit sa aking braso.
"You're a good girl, right, Baby Kanaris? You love Tito Solomon, right?" His devilish grin with a stain of bloods in his face made me feel so scared.
"Y-You monster! Sumbong kita kay dadd—arhhh! Daddy! Daddy!"
"Shut up, you little brat!" I fell off the floor when he slapped me. "Your daddy doesn't love you. He wants you dead, hear me? It is his fault why your tita Linnette died!"
I just kept on sobbing while holding the mark on my face due to his slap.
"I can also kill you, right now, sweetie. But I still have plans, so no." Pinaglandas niya ang nguso ng kaniyang baril sa aking mukha, dahilan upang halos malagutan ako ng hininga.
"T-Tito…It hurts…" I uttered under my breath, and everything went blurry due to my tears.
"I know, sweetie. So keep your mouth shut if you still want your mom to be alive, okay?" He grinned again and pointed his gun on my forehead. My heart accelerated its speed, so as my mind whose now oblivious on what to do. Parang hihimatayin ako anumang oras.
"Is that clear?!" I jumped to due fear, now sobbing without a voice. I unconsciously nodded while tears were still pooling onto my eyes.
"Good girl… Now, let me take you to your dad." He grabbed my elbow and harshly wiped my tears. My eyes landed on Tita Linnette whose eyes were still open and was staring at me.
I don't know what to react…
"Remember, Kid. A single word on what you saw here, is your mom's death. Understand?" I hesitantly nodded, sobbing like there's no tomorrow.
And after that day, my life becomes a mess. I am living with hatred, fear, and guilt. I don't know what to do… Ni-hindi ko nga maintindihan ang buong kaganapan.
I confessed it to my father when I turned 14, but to my surprise, he knew about this all along.
"You're also a killer! You're a kille—" Father slapped me.
"What do you want me to do?! You want me to hurt your mom? You want me to kill Sol—"
"You're disgusting," I said with a death glare and stood up without even holding my face where he marked his slap. "It's so unfortunate for me to have a father like you." And I left without giving him an eye.
Nakasalubong ko pa si Solomon at binigyan ako ng malademonyong ngiti, dahilan upang halos malagutan ako ng hininga.
END OF FLASHBACK
-
"Ma'am? You okay?" I accepted the glass of water a receptionist handed me. She placed the fan in front of me, making me breath normally.
"What happened?" I unconsciously asked and placed the glass on the table. 
"Bigla ka pong nanginig kaya't dinala ka namin dit—"
"What time is it?" I didn't let her continue and asked her that question while roaming my eyes around the room.
"It's 5pm po. Do you need anything, Ma'am?" She politely asked, making me smiled at her.
"Thank you for taking care of me." She smiled back and nodded.
After that short conversation, I bid my goodbye and maneuvered my car to our company. That's my main purpose. 
Wala na akong pakialam sa nangyari ngayon kay Solomon. Maybe, he already received his karma. 
Mabilis akong binati ng mga empleyado at tinanguan ko na lamang kaya't kitang kita ang pagkagulat sa kanilang mga mata. I just sighed and realized that, all my life, I've been too hard on them.
Maybe, this is the time for a big change. I need to accept the fact that my misery is only for me, and dragging others from my mess will never give me satisfaction. 
Kaya kong mabuhay nang mag-isa, kaya kong maging masaya kahit mag-isa, at kaya kong magbago para sa sarili ko. 
Maingat akong pumasok sa aking opisina at napangiti nang maalalang hindi ko man lang napagtuunan ng pansin ang buong silid, sa tagal ng pamamalagi ko rito. 
I sat on my swivel chair and started working to divert my thoughts from everything. Hours past and i'm still busy doing my stuffs, without going out for a short rest. Employees keeps on entering and exiting my office, and all I could do is to give them a bored but polite look.
Bigla akong dinalaw ng gutom, dahilan upang mapahawak ako sa aking tiyan. A smile crept on my lips when I realized I haven't think about him or anything that could give me stress anymore. Maybe, this will be the first step of giving myself a break from pain and agony. 
I fished my watched, and I got shocked when I found out that it's already 1:00am. Am really that occupied? 
Napabuntong-hininga na lamang ako at mabilis na inayos ang sarili upang bumili ng pagkain. Alam kong wala nang ibang empleyadong p'wedeng pakiusapan kaya't inihanda ko na lamang ang sarili palabas.
The lights are now dim, and the hallway's kinda creepy, but I still walked sternly.
Damn this. I really am so hungry.
Akmang lalabas ako ng elevator nang mamataan ko ang isang lalaking pasuray-suray sa paglalakad. I moved my feet and walked ahead him. I sighed after recognizing him.
"Sean…" I murmured amidst our distance. He's two meters away from me, but I still recognized his posture. I saw him sobbing, and i'm sure, he's drunk. 
Gusto kong maawa sa kaniya, dahil kahit sa kaunting panahon, naging kaibigan ko siya. Ngunit paano at bakit ako maaawa sa taong pinagtangkaan akong gahasain? Bakit ako maaawa sa taong isa rin sa nagpahirap sa akin? Isa siya sa rason kung bakit ako nabuhay na parang patay. At rason kung bakit nawala sa akin ang lahat. 
—
FLASHBACK
After I exited my father's office, Sean invaded my sight and tried to comfort me. Pilit kong kinukubli ang luhang gustong kumawala sa aking mga mata. Sean's presence is torture. Nakikita ko sa kaniyang mga mata ang titig ni Tita Linnette habang nag-uunahan sa pagdaloy ang dugong galing sa kaniyang bibig.
Natatakot ako… Nagi-guilty… At higit sa lahat, naaawa kay Sean, dahil hindi niya deserve ang tratuhin ko siya ng ganito. He's been a good friend of mine, but after that incident happened, 4 years ago, I distanced myself to him. Ngunit masyado siyang makulit, to the point na halos saktan niya ako para lang kausapin ko siya.
Kusang tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata nang titigan ko si Sean, na ngayon ay puno ng awa at simpatya sa akin.
Mabilis ko siyang niyakap. All I want right now is someone's comfort. Hindi ako pwedeng lumapit kay mommy dahil ayo'ko siyang madamay.
"What happened?" He asked and caressed my back.
I just kept on sobbing while hugging him tight. Narinig ko ang kaniyang buntong hininga nang mapagtantong wala siyang mapapalang sagot mula sa'kin.
"Do you want to go somewhere?" I nodded without hesitation.
Hinayaan ko siyang dalhin ako sa kahit saan niya gusto. He ordered his driver to drive for us, and to my surprise, he brought me to their mansion.
"Ito lang ang alam kong lugar na magpapagaan ng kalooban mo—"
"I w-want to go home," I stuttered.
Kaagad akong tinubuan ng kaba nang makitang papasok kami sa loob, at mukhang napansin niya 'yon, kaya't hinawakan niyang muli ang kamay ko at hinila papunta sa likod ng kanilang bahay.
I'm still trembling, but not like lately. The big tree house caught my attention. Iyon ang lugar kung saan kami madalas naglalaro noon.
"It's been awhile since we last played here. Come on!" He grabbed my hand and climbed at the tree house.
Kusang nawala ang kabang kanina ko pa kinikimkim, at napalitan ng ngiti nang makitang ganoon pa rin ang design ng buong lugar.
"Akala ko, hindi ka na babalik dito. Hindi mo na ako sasamahang maglaro," Sean uttered making me diverted my gaze to him.
"I'm sorry," saad ko. Hindi ko pa rin magawang tingnan ang kaniyang mga mata.
Bigla niyang hinawakan ang aking balikat, dahilan upang mapatingin ako sa kaniyang kamay.
"I miss you, Kankan. I am just afraid that you'll never wanna talk to me again. Daddy said that you'll be my wife, so I need to talk to you everyda—"
"Come again?" Mabilis akong napatingin sa kaniya, dahilan upang kunutan niya ako ng noo.
"You will be my wife soon. Isn't it exciting, Kan?" He smiled at me and was about to put his hand on mine, when I moved my body away from him.
"No. T-That will never happen. I have to go now. This is not righ—" He cuts me off and harshly grabbed my hand.
"So, you don't like me? You don't like me, Kankan? You don't like me?!" I crumpled in pain when he gripped my shoulder.
"S-Sean, masakit—"
"Dad said, you'll be mine soon! You'll be mine! You're mine! You're mine!"  I managed to move my hand amidst his grip and slapped him hard.
"You're a psycho! Get off me! Mommy, help! Mommy!" I am now starting to cry and still trying to get away from his grip.
"You're mine, Kan! Remember that!" Mabilis niyang inilapit ang sarili sa akin, dahilan upang tubuan ako ng panibagong kaba.
He pushed me hard, making me fell off the ground. My back hurts due to that impact, but I still tried to stand up. Ngunit hindi pa man ako nakatayo, mabilis niyang nahawakan ang paa ko, dahilan upang mapatili ako.
"You're mine, Kanaris!" He came closer to me, making me almost heaved a breath. He's now on top of me, and I can even do nothing to fight for myself.
I was like a tied little being, ready to be killed by a monster. He kissed my lips, so as my neck, making me scream with fear.
"No! Sean, no! Mommy!" I cried and cried, helpless in everything.
He ripped my upper dress, revealing my sando. I cried harder, didn't even know what to do.
Mommy…
"What the hell is going o—what the, Sean!" A loud baritone voice echoed the every corner. "What the hell are you doing?!" Sean's dad shouted at him.
Mabilis siyang lumayo sa akin, dahilan upang pag-isahin at niyakap ko ang aking sarili nang may panginginig.
"I said! What the hell are you doing?!" Sigaw nitong muli sa anak. "Go out!" He then pointed his finger to the maids, wanting them to be out from this scene.
"D-Dad, you said, Kankan will be mine, right?" I cried upon hearing Sean saying that.
N-No, I want to go home. I don't want them, I hate them.
Solomon was about to hold me, when I screamed again. I screamed nonstop, to the point that he had no choice but to call the maids to calm me down.
Sean was about to hold me too, when I moved away my body from him, still trembling with fear.
"Son, let's talk," Solomon uttered and all I could hear is their footstep, away from the tree house.
Maingat akong binihisan ng kanilang maids, at kitang kita sa kanilang mga mata ang awa sa nangyari sa akin.
Simula nang nangyari 'yon, paulit-ulit akong dinadalaw ng takot at puot. Hinahabol ng bangungot na pilit kong ibinabaon sa limot.
In every single day of my life, Sean always acts like I am his. Kinain na siya ng kasamaan ng kaniyang ama. Having him around is a real torture, not because he reflects his mother's eyes, but because of what he did to me.
END OF FLASHBACK
—
"Kanaris…" Pagewang-gewang ang kaniyang lakad habang hawak ang isang bote ng alak. 
I didn't move even a single step, and didn't flinched when he started to walk towards me. 
"I-It's all your fault… It's all your fault!" His yell echoed all over the hallway.
I am just staring at him, like I've been staring to a blank space. 
"You're drunk," I uttered without giving him any emotions. 
"This is all your fault. Why can't you love me back, huh? You even made me feel for embarrassed when you left me hanging! Dad died because of yo—"
"Why don't you ask yourself first?" Pagpuputol ko habang tinitigan siya sa mata. "Am I really the reason why he died? Are you really grieving for your lost? Or you're feeling the latter? Admit it, Sean. You also want him dead."
"B*llsh*t!" He threw the bottle and was about to hurt me, when I spoke again. 
"Hindi ba dapat mas maging masaya ka, dahil natupad na ang matagal mong hinahangad?" I smirked. "I know, you also know what really happened. But you remained silent kasi duwag ka."
"W-What the hell are you talking about?" Confusion's now written on his face. 
"You know everything. You want your mother's justice, yet you're afraid to reveal it kasi duwag ka! 'Di ba?!"
Akmang susugurin niya ako nang mabilis ko siyang tinulak, dahilan upang mapahiga siya sa sahig. 
I 'tsked' when I he didn't moved after that. Huminga na lamang ako ng malalim at napagpasyahang dalhin siya sa hotel upang doon matulog. 
After all, naging kaibigan ko naman siya, and what happened in the past should be buried. I may be cruel, but I still know how to forgive.