The muffling sound that came out of Michelle's mouth when she chewed the muffin in her hand made me plot an entire assassination spree. I should have probably added Mallory and Kerensa with the plotting I have in mind.
My gaze went back on her and she is still is making muffled sound. I rolled my eyes because of the irritation that is building inside of me.
“When are you planning to stop making muffling noises? It's annoying?”
She took a bite of the remaining portion and stuffled it inside her mouth. The piece that is left is not a small piece. One can take a few small bite of the piece left but instead she purposely shove it to annoy me even more.
"Haven't you read the book?” I asked her, intending to add the other thought I have in my mind when I can hear her response.
"What book? There's a book that you read and you didn't tell me?” Wide-eyed Michelle looks shocked as she hesterically questioned me.
She loves books. A book worm who likes to spend most of her time inside the library for the sake of reading a fair amount of 5 books with thick covers, that contains a lot of pages.
Upon knowing that she stick to maintaining the promise she made from the very start of semester of reading 5 books a day, I got lost in thought. I couldn't believe it.
For her, reading books is a reward. But for me. I don't even wanna go there.
“You know, the book of instruction. Instruction on how to properly eat a muffin.” I joked which made both of us burst into laughter.
"To be honest, the muffin has a sickly flavor in it. I guzzled it while imagining it's a piece of cake. And that made me ate it greedily.”
I raised an eyebrow when I heard her words. “What is with that muffin that made you do something like that?”
She chuckled cheekily, smiled at me before answering. “My mom baked it, for me.”
I slowly nod my head. Michelle loves her mom so much. The only family she had. They only have each other. No other relatives left to turn to when they are having some difficulties in their lives. It's hard. But Michelle's mom is an optimistic type of person. Her daughter, the personality Michelle have she got it from her mom.
“Have you talk to him already? I saw him looking at you?”
My eyes went to stare on my the screen of my computer, acting like I never heard what she said.
“Don't you pity him, Liv. He was so invested as he stared at you, waiting for just a glance from you. But you didn't even gave him one, you ignored him.”
The small mindedness I have in me took over. I was aware I appeared shabby. But that's the only action I came up with when I saw him near me.
“Don't you want to attend a mass with me, to listen to the homily so that your spiritless soul can have its redemption?”
I tapped the keys on my keyboard and kept on typing. Typing randomly without that clear idea of what I am currently typing.
“Liv? Oliviaaaaa.”
I stopped my fingers from tapping the keyboard and stared at her.
“Alright. I'll go with you. I also need to buy Mom a rosary since she made a request to buy her a new one yesterday.”
She happily clap her hands, clashing it with each other. “Then it's settled. I'll go back to my room. See you downstairs, Livvie.”
She calls me Liv, sometimes it's Livvie. Olivia when she wants me to do something, anything that she thinks can give its contribution to my wellness.
Michelle is sweet, a bright, and lively friend that enlivens me with her bubbly personality. I cannot act like that. And it was a blessing I have someone in my life who has that kind of persona.
I tried acting like one once and it backfired badly. It was because I was so so disgusted with myself. The time I tried acting like a sunshine, I got a stomacache.
I decided that I can never act like a ray of sunshine. It is not me. I can never be a great pretender. And I think it's a good thing.
And a bad thing sometimes. Because of the other parts of my personality. I don't think the other parts of me are something that are appealing to another person.
I am aware of my toxic mannerisms. Sometimes I got mad at myself for that. But most of the time I used it to weaponized the boiling negative emotions that I got from situations I find myself feeling very triggered. And I internalized the feeling in me and I tend to lashed out, to others.
I was lucky I got Michelle, minus the other friend I lost because of my own behavior. And Mallory isn't on my list anymore because I feel like I am starting to lose him too.
I don't know. I don't want to think. I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know if they're together. But I don't have the courage to go for my plans of asking him. I just can't.
And I'll probably wait. Wait for the clarification on their side. Before proceeding to forget that I even have romantic feelings for Mallory.
A suddenly move out of my chair. Unsteadily fell off. I patted the other side of my cheeks, sweeping off the tear that fell.
I shed a tear!
I was too sitting to much in my feelings, thinking about the them that I find my cheeks moistened with the tears that dripped my eyes.
With my eyes closed, I pushed my needs upward. I hugged both of it. Before letting it all loose. The heaviness of my chest and the churning pain I have in my stomach. I finally came into the realization that I genuinely have feelings for him.