HABANG dala-dala ang mga pinamili naming dalawa ni Thea sa grocery, tahimik akong naglakad papunta sa Parking Lot. Thea is on my side, talking about something I can't even hear right. Ngunit hinayaan ko lang ito.
"Ugh. And I still have that freaking exam to take," reklamo niya habang nakapamulsa. "Why did I even choose medicine?"
Hindi ko siya sinagot sa halip ay binuksan ang pintuan ng kotse. She's been talking non-stop since earlier but I can't even hear what she's saying. I can't progress everything she's talking about. Simula nang gumising ako kanina at inutusan ni Mama na pumunta dito para sa grocery, hindi ko na alam kung anong sunod na nangyari.
All I know is that days had passed by since I found out about Johanna's situation. And since then, I've been keeping it a secret to almost everyone. Kay Mae na inakalang simple lang ang lahat ng nangyari, at sa kanila Tita at Tito na walang kaalam-alam.
After Johanna said she's fine, she told Mae to go home. Ayaw pa nga ni Mae na umalis dahil gusto siya nitong bantayan. But Johanna insisted. She even told Mae that she'll go out of the Hospital soon, and still needs to meet someone from work. At walang magawa si Mae doon kaya umuwi nalang ito.
Seeing all of that, it made me frustrated and mad even more. Not just at Johanna but also myself. Johanna has been telling lies with that fake smile plastered on her lips, while I'm beside her, who knows every truth behind it. At wala man lang akong magawa. Hindi ko man lang magawang sabihin sa iba ang karamdaman niya. Everytime I do, I'm always reminded of how she begged me not to say it. Kaya sa huli, wala akong ibang pinanghahawakan kundi ang sinabi niyang siya mismo ang magpapaalam nito sa kanila Tita.
But as days passed by . . . I'm getting scared even more. Paano kung pati ang mga sinabi niyang iyun sa akin, walang iba kundi kasinungalingan lang?
"Kuya!" natigilan kaagad ako habang hawak-hawak ang manebela ng kotse. Nilingon ko si Thea na kakatawag lang saakin at nakitang nakakunot ang noo nito, "what happened to you?"
Napakurap-kurap ako, "h-huh?"
Mas lalong napakunot ang noo ni Thea. "You've staring off to space since earlier. Ni hindi tama ang mga pinamili mo kaya ako na mismo ang pumili. You're walking with that serious face like you're gonna eat every person alive surrounding you. Isa pa, ilang araw ka ng ganiyan. Okay ka lang ba, Kuya?"
I stared at her for a while. I can't even tell her what's happening inside my head. Kahit na gustong-gusto kong sabihin, wala akong magawa.
"I'm fine," I said and started to maneuver the car.
"Really?" she asked, totally not believing me.
Huminga ako ng malalim at tumango sa kaniya, "okay lang ako, Thea. No need to worry."
Sinimulan ko na kaagad ang pagtakbo ng kotse. At walang ibang magawa kundi ang ituon ang pansin sa daan. I want to stay focused at the road, to not think deeper. Ngunit habang tumatagal, mas napapahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa manebela.
Why is it that as the time passes by, I'm filling everyone lies like what Johanna is doing?
Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga at sinubukang iwaksi iyun sa isipan. I seriously want to not think about it for the time being. At habang nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagpilit sa sariling huwag iyung isipin, biglang nagsalita si Thea.
"Kuya, stop!" she suddenly said, making my eyebrows furrowed. Napasulyap ako sa kaniya habang hindi parin itinitigil ang pagmamaneho.
"Thea, we can't stop here." Iyun ang sinabi ko ngunit nakatuon lang ang pansin niya sa labas.
"Stop driving, Kuya!" she said. Sinenyasan niya pa akong huminto kapagkuwan ay nilingon ako ng may pag-aalala sa mukha, "there's a patient over there!"
Napasulyap kaagad ako sa itinuro ni Thea saakin. Nang makita ang isang batang nakahandusay sa kabilang daan, nanlaki kaagad ang mga mata ko at dali-daling itinigil ang pagmamaneho.
"Damn it!" dali-daling lumabas si Thea sa kotse na kaagad ko rin namang ginawa. In the middle of the road, we both run towards the kid who's been bleeding so much. Kaagad itong chineck ni Thea kapagkuwan ay tiningnan ako, "Kuya, quick! We should bring him to the Hospital!"
I HEAVE A sigh after hearing from Thea that everything's going well for the kid. Matapos iyung marinig, napaupo ako sa upuan dito sa labas ng OR, kung saan dineretso ang batang nasagasaan.
Naisandal ko ang ulo sa puting pader ng Hospital. Damn it. That seriously scared the hell out of me. Kung hindi lang namin nadala kaagad sa Hospital ang bata, sigurado akong mas lalala ang kondisyon niya. And it even made me frustrated even more.
The fact that the kid was hit by someone and it ran away, it's making me mad.
"Kuya," natigilan ako nang tumabi saakin ng pagkakaupo si Thea. She let out a sigh and crossed her arms in front of her chest, "you okay?"
Napasulyap ako sa kaniya bago tumango, "I guess I am."
Well, I'm not really sure about that answer. Hindi ko alam kung talagang okay lang ba ako matapos iyung mangyari. I mean, I can't even forget about the kid. Kahit na hindi ko man kilala kung sino ang nakabangga sa bata, hindi ko mapigilang magalit ng husto. How can he leaved the kid like that? He doesn't have a conscience, does he?
Bwisit. He's seriously crazy. Kung sino man siya.
"Don't worry too much," Thea said. Isinandal niya kaagad ang ulo sa puting pader ng Hospital, "the kid's fine. When you do the right thing immediately, even the most dangerous thing will be stop, Kuya."
Napatingin ako kay Thea matapos iyung marinig. She smiled at me, assuring that everything's alright. Ngunit hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala ng husto dahil sa sinabi niya. I'm getting worried, mad, and frustrated even more. But this time, it's not because of what happened earlier but because of Johanna.
I sighed heavily. Isinandal ko ulit ang ulo sa pader. "Thea, what would you do when one of your patient says she'll keep her disease a secret from her family?"
Napatingin si Thea saakin. Halatang hindi maintindihan kung bakit ko iyun natanong sa kaniya. But then, she still answer. "Well, I'm still not a licensed Doctor. Pero kapag mangyayari iyan saakin, I guess I'll try to convince my patient," she answered and looked at me again. "Bakit? May kakilala ka bang ganun?"
Umiling ako sa kaniya. Tsk. As if I can tell her that I'm talking about Johanna.
"It just came to me suddenly," ani ko sabay pakawala ng isang buntong-hininga. Tinitigan ako ni Thea kapagkuwan ay nagkibit-balikat lang.
After saying that, we both got silent. Nanatili kaming nakaupo sa kinauupuan habang inaantay na lumabas ang Doctor sa OR. Ilang saglit lang, huminga ako ng malalim.
"What if," I stared at the wall for a moment, "she'll insist on keeping it as a secret?"
"If that happens, then I'll probably respect her decision." She said and heaved a deep breath. "But it'll frustrate me of course. Hindi naman kasi lahat ng sakit, nagagamot. Some can be prevented, and some cannot. Kapag alam mong may sakit ang tao at pinili nitong itago, hindi ba't magagalit ka doon?"
I clenched my fists and nodded at her, "yeah. You'll be mad at her. But . . . " kaagad akong napatingin kay Thea bago ipagpatuloy ang pagsasalita, " . . . wouldn't you be mad at yourself even more?"
Thea stared at me for a minute, as if she's thinking something about me that I can't even read from her. Ngunit ilang saglit lang, napatawa siya ng mahina na ikinakunot ng noo ko.
"You're seriously getting serious about this, Kuya." Kaagad niyang sambit na ikinabuntong-hininga ko nalang. "Tell me," ipinatong niya kaagad ang kamay sa balikat ko, "what happened to you? Sigurado akong may problema ka."
Napailing-iling ako at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya, "I told you already. It's nothing."
"Tsk," she rolled her eyes as if she's not believing what I just said. "Nothing pala? But you look seriously mad about that thing we've just talked about."
Marahas akong napabuntong-hininga matapos iyung marinig. "I'm just . . . having a hard time I guess?"
"On what? Ate Gwen?" she asked, making me looked at her. Huminga ako ng malalim at umiling bilang sagot.
It's not Gwen. It's his sister, Johanna.
"Thea," sambit ko ilang segundo lang ang lumipas.
"Yeah? May sasabihin ka? I'll seriously listen this time," aniya dahilan para mapangiti ako doon. This is probably why I like seeing siblings get close to each other. Being able to lean on to someone in such hard times seriously helps me chase away everything I've been thinking.
Pero kung pwede ko lang sabihin sa kaniya ang nangyayari ngayon, gagawin ko.
"It's seriously nothing," usal ko at kaagad na ini-ekis ang dalawang braso sa harapan ng dibdib.
Napakunot kaagad ang noo niya, "then what is it?"
"After this, can you go home alone?" I asked, making her eyebrows furrowed even more. "May bibisitahin lang ako dito."
"Who? Did some of your friends got sick?" She asked, I shake my head as an answer. "Kung ganoon, sino?"
"Just . . . someone I know." I answered.