I glanced at my wrist watch while dancing with Tries in the roofdeck of his yacht.
It's already 11:11 pm, gusto kong huminto ang oras kasi gusto kong makasama pa sya ng matagal, but I know when twelve midnight comes, our journey will finally end.
I smiled and put my ears on his chest and heard his heart his pounding crazily just like mine when we're together. I am happy, so much happy right now. Tama nga yung sinabi ni Zaya noon sa akin, na kapag masaya ka kasama ang taong mahal mo ay makakalimutan mo ang oras, makakalimutan mo lahat, sa bilis ng takbo ng oras gusto kong huminto yun kahit saglit lang para mabigyan ako ng oras at mapag isipan kong huwag syang bitawan.
"When i look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold on
And like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul ?" 
He started singing together with the music he played while were slowly dancing under the moonlight it made me smile, his voice is husky and cold his voice is so relaxing
"Well I won't  give up on us
Even if the skies gets rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up"
My eyes watered when I heard him singing that, I am sorry Tries but I already gave up on us ,not just because you cause me pain it is because I have my other reason.
I already gave up on us cause I don't think I deserve someone like you, your a good man, I'm so,so sorry...
"And when your needing you're space
To do some nativigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find"
11:18 pm
" 'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows your worth it
No, I won't give up"
Dancing with him under the clear sky together with the stars and moon is the best.
"I don't wanna be someone who walks away easily
I'm here to stay and make the  difference I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end your still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break,we didn't burn
We had to learn, how the bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I am not
And who I am"
11:49 pm
"Cuert?" I suddenly called his attention when I gazed at my wrist watch that it's already 11:49 pm.
"Hhmm?"
"Ano nga pala yung sasabihin mo?"
Nakita ko namang napalunok sya at napangiti ng magtanong ako, help me Lord and this pain away from me please.
11:50 pm
"Ikaw ano nga pala yung sasabihin mo?"
"I am the one who asked you, why are you asking me too?" ani ko na nakapagpatawa sa kanya.
"—Well I won't give up on us (no, I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough( I am tough) he knows ( I am loved)
We got a lot to learn (we are alive,and we're loved)
God knows were worth it (and we're worth it)
" the song from the stereo ripped my heart open, the song lyrics hurts me a lot.
I am not worth it for your love Tries, cause I am not the better person for you.
11:55 pm
Dinig na dinig ko ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko habang pasulyap sulyap sa wrist watch ko. Sa bawat pagtakbo ng oras na kayakap ko sya parang gusto kong umatras, gusto kong huminto ang oras.
Unti unting kumalabog ang puso ko kasabay nun ang panunubig ng mga mata ko. Ang sakit isipin na sa mismong unang taon ng pagmamahalan namin saka ako bibitaw, saka ako susuko.
11:57
"You know how much I love you right?"  I suddenly asked, my mind keeps telling me that I can do this but my heart says no, my heart keeps saying that this a bad idea.
"Yeah, and I love you too, so now tell me, what's on your mind? Is it me,hmm?" he asked softly, tumango ako at iniiwas ang tingin sa kanya ng humiwalay na ako sa yakapan namin.
Yes, It is you Tries, It's always you...
Gustong gusto kong sabihin iyon sa kanya pero hindi ko kaya, mahal na mahal ko ang taong nasa harap ko.
11:58
"Mahal na mahal na mahal kita Cuert, always remember that" i whisphered to his ear when I hugged him very tightly this time.
"And I love you more than you love me babe, I can't imagine my life without you"
11:59
My tears started to fall dowm to my cheeks, this is the last time kaya susulitin ko na.
59
"Cuert, find the better person who deserve your love and your sacrifices"  Huminga pa ako ng malalim bago ko sabihin iyon.
  
58
Unti unti syang humiwalay sa pagkakayakap sa akin at napatingin saakin ng sabihin ko iyon. I am so sorry Tries for hurting you but I have to, I already made my choice.
57
"Selene what are you—"
56
"—You don't deserve someone who keeps hurting you and t-that's me" I whisphered and took one step away from him.
55
"Selene what are you talking about?! You are the better person for me, No... No,please wag ganito"
54
My tears didn't stop from falling, My heart shattered into pieces looking at the man I love bursting into tears infront of me, crying because of me...
"No Cuert, you have to find that better person and that's not me"
"Please... Selene tell me what did I do? Did I do somethi—"
50
Hindi ko na talaga kaya, I closed my eyes and watch the clear sky together with the stars and moon who's now watching us, watching me, ruining the first year of our journey.
My body felt numb when I heard him crying louder this time and growled like a wounded animal.
"N-no, you have to gave me a reason why did you want to b-break up with me"
Umiling iling ako at umatras papalayo sa kanya ng akmang aabutin nya ang braso ko, the pained expression written all over his face hurts me.
30
"Selene please tell me, kaya pa nating ayusin to diba? You are not breaking up with me right? Please tell me"
Umiling iling ako at umatras pa ng isang hakbang papalayo sa kanya.
I have to let him go inorder us to grow, we have to do some things that's meant for us and we can reach our dreams if we have to let go of each other.
Ayokong pati pangarap ni Tries kalimutan na nya dahil lang sa mahal nya ako, kasi kung kami talaga ay gagawa at gagawa ang tadhana ng paraan para magkita ulit kami, wala ng sagabal, wala ng hahadlang na pader na pipigil sa amin.
Ayokong ikulong ang sarili ko at si Tries sa isang relasyong ako lang yung palaging nakikinabang, ako lang yung palaging masaya kasi hindi ko kaya
20
"You are the one who shoot my bestfriend Cuert, you killed my bestfriend infront of her sister! You killed Altrid Cuert! You killed her!"  I shouted at him tumingala ako para pigilan ang luha ko, alam ko ang totoo pero kailangan kong gawing rason to para hindi nya tuluyang kalimutan ang binuong pangarap nya.
10
Fuck! Bakit kailangang sya pa? Bakit kami humantong sa ganito kung kailang umabot ba kami ng isang taon saka ko sya bibitawan. Bakit ba kasi ang duwag ko?!
8
"S-Selene, you're not part of th—"
7
"I am her Cuer! I am sec! Ako ang dahilan ng paghihirap mo! Ako ang may gawa ng lahat! Naiintindihan mo ba?! You know what, I regret loving you! I regret loving a murderer!" I shouted at him
6
Umiling iling sya saka unti unti naglakad papunta sa sa kinaroroonan ko natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko ng makita kong unti unti nyang iniluhod ang isang tuhod nya.
5
"No Cuert, no don't do this, we have to let each other go Cuert, pagod na pagod na ako, tama na, ayaw ko na!"
Hindi ko na mapigilan ang pagsabog ng totoo kong nararamdaman, hindi ko kayang ikulong sya, kailangan kong ayusin ang buhay ko. Kailangan nyang magpatuloy sa buhay nya.
4
Nakita kong humagulhol din sya ng lumuhod din ako sa harapan nya at hinawakan sa huling pagkakataon ang mga pisngi nya.
3
"Selene, wag naman ganito oh, kahit pauulit ulit na saktan mo ako o kahit ilang beses akong masaktan para sayo gagawin ko para lang sumaya ka. Poprotekhan kita sa founder namin—gaga...." natigil sya sa pagsasalita ng unti unti akong tumayo sa harapan nya.
2
Umiling iling ako sa harapan nya at napatingila, the clear sky tonight together with moon and stars witnessed that this is the last destination of our journey.
1
"Sabihin mo na ang gusto mong sabihin ngayon Cuert, kasi oras na masabi mo na lahat lahat at lalakad ako papalayo sayo ibig sabihin nun tapos na ang lahat, pinapalaya na kita.... Malaya ka na"
12:00 am, February 15
"Happy f-first anniversary babe, I love you and I did not regret loving you"
Bumuhos ang luha ko ng tumingala ako kasabay ng pagputok ng fireworks na ikina impit kong humagulhol ng makita kung gaano ka ganda iyon.
The fireworks formed the word that actually shattered my heart into pieces, four words and five syllables.
"Gustong gusto mo na ba talagang kumawala Selene? Gusto mo na ba talaga a-akong i-iwan?" nanginginig na ani nya
Binasa ko ang nakasulat na mga salita na unti unting nilamon ng hangin dahil tapos na ang fireworks display.
Ang sakit, sobrang sakit, na nakikita kong ganito yung sitwasyon namin. Na sa ganito lang pala mauuwi ang lahat. Na sa huli sasaktan ko lang sya, na sa huli ang taong akala namin na hindi mananakit at dudurog sa amin ay sya palang gagawa ng mga bagay na hindi namin inaasahan.
Tumango lang ako habang umiiyak nakatingin kay Tries na may hawak na black velvet box.
'Will you marry me?'
Basa kong salita sa fireworks na unti unti ng nilamon ng hangin, ang salitang gumimbang sa buong pagkatao ko.
Siguradong sigurado na sya sa akin kahit ilang beses ko na syang sinaktan minahal parin nya ako kahit na mamatay tao ako, kahit na andami kong kasalanan.
"Okay, if that's what you want then I won't stop you but always remember I love you at ikaw lang ang babaeng mamahalin ko, hinding hindi ako nagsisising minahal kita cause Selene you are moon who gaves me light to my darkest night... I love you so much"
Unti unti akong humakbang paatras papalayo sa kanya bago nagsalita.
"Happy anniversary Cuert take care always and this is goodbye, see you when the right day comes "
Kinuha ko na ang pouch ko at saka dinial ang number ni Psy.
Sa bawat paghakbang ko, sa bawat pigil ng paglingon ko at sa bawat pigil ko sa sarili ko na bawiin ang lahat ng sinabi ko at yakapin sya pero alam kong hindi, alam kong hanggang dito nalang.
Ng makaalis na ako ng tuluyan sa yacht at hinihintay si Psy sa port ay nilingon ko sa huling sandali ang roofdeck ng yacht at doon ko nakitang nakatingin sa akin si Tries hawak hawak parin ang black velvet box.
I love you and goodbye Cuert, see you when the moon takes us into the place we've cherished the most.
Iniiwas ko ang tingin at sumakay na sa kotseng huminto harap ko at maya maya pa ay bumuhos na ang luha ko.
I did not regret loving you Cuert, always remember that you are the most wonderful person who happend to be part of my life.
And at exactly February 15, our journey ended with a lie and this is our goodbye.....
————————