Flashback...
Vinicius' PoV
It all started when I met her, unintentionally. It seemed to have turn upside down. I'm fully aware that I am not a person who's I am now compared before. I learned to understand people, to let them be heared and make them feel that they're not alone. I've learn to sacrifice things for them. I learned to validate their feelings. I never wanted to hurt someone, intentionally.
I don't know. This isn't me. But I know the truth. I've become like this because I have experience a tough situation. I have been able to know other people's story. And that changed my perspective in life.
When I left the Hospital after paying the twin's bill for their surgery, chemotherapy and recovery, I had made up my mind. The truth is, I begged for the money from my parents. They have the condition that I should marry Flexa after that. I agreed to that plan aside from the benefit of taking the money. I have also the eagerness to help Flexa.
I know that I'm her first love— not to brag, though. Ever since we're still a child, her infatuation towards me seemed to grow more. I know that. She often make letters for me and leave it in my room. I never read all of those. When we grew up, finally a legally aged teenager, her parents and my parents arranged our marriage for the strong partnership and for the sake of whatever their plan is— probably business related stuffs.
That idea made me think. I always obey my parent's commandments. I never let them down— so that convince me to just agree with their decision and just let life bring me to whatever path I am destined to. I never had a dream ever since I was a child. Most of the child today already have a plan on what they want theirselves to be in the future, but I know that I'm slightly different from them.
Even now, I still don't have damn dream.
As I was packing my things, I can't help myself to be drown with so many thoughts. Happenings constantly recalling on my mind. It was like pushing me back or perhaps trying to convince me not to go. Not to make this decision. Not to waste time.
I know I'm hurting. It's also hurting me given the situation. I could also do a thing to not do this— I could change it. But I tend to not do it. I didn't let myself be convince with my subconscious.
Iniyak ko na ang lahat ng posibleng luha na mailuha ko. Gabi-gabi, lagi akong umiiyak dahil sa isapang aalis ako—iiwan ko siya. But that was the side effect of my decision. And I know that I still have to do it spite of being hurt. I think of it throughly. Bago ako bumitaw ng isang mahalagang desisyon, pinag-iisipan ko muna ito.
Ngunit hindi ako aalis nang walang preparasyon. I called Lance and Peil. Sinabi ko sa kanila nang maayos kung anong plano ko. Kung bakit ako aalis. Sinabi nilang uuwi agad sila sa lalong madaling panahon. I cried as I bid my goodbyes to them. Alam ko kasing hindi kami magkakaroon ng komunikasyon for years—or baka hindi na nga talaga.
I thank them. Matapos ang pag-uusap namin ay doon ako pumunta ng Hospital para bayaran ang perang para sa kambal. Tiniis kong hindi lapitan si Carren kahit sinasabi na ng isipan kong balikan ko siya habang tinatawag ang pangalan ko. Sobrang kating-kati na akong kausapin siya ngunit alam kong mas maiging huwag na. Mas maiging ganito na lang talaga— upang masanay ako.
Iniisip ko ngayon kung ano kaya ang nararamdaman niya? nalulungkot ba siya? umiiyak? o nagmumukmok sa gilid? halos araw-araw ay siya ang kasama ko. Kilala ko na yata kung paano siya mag-isip. Pati boses niya't paghikbi ay tila nakabisado ko na.
Sa gitna ng aming pagsasama, wala akong ibang naramdaman kung 'di ang gustong maging masaya at ayos ang kalagayan niya. 'Yun ang lagi kong nararamdaman sa oras na nakikita ko siyang lugmok sa pag-iyak. Hindi ko natitiis ang ideyang mag-isa lang siya at walang katuwang. Sobra akong natutuwa. Lumiligaya ang puso ko kapag nakikita ko siyang tumatawa o masaya. Para bang ang kaligayahan niya ay nagiging direktang kaligayahan ko na rin.
That must be Love.
I like the idea of Love. Sometimes it makes us better.
At kung papalaring magkita muli... sisiguraduhin ko na. Hindi mag-aalinlangan. Hindi magbabago ang isipan.
I heaved a sigh. Pinikit ko muna ang aking mga mata at sumandal. Naramdaman kong may humawak sa aking kanang kamay. Hindi ko iminulat ang mata at hinayaan lang siya. We're already inside the plane. I'm looking forward for my new life—our new life. I'll study there— I'll be with Flexa's side through ups and downs.
But the plot was, we're not getting married.