"Here," he said and handed me the ice cream.
I smiled. "Thanks."
He sat beside me. Nandito kami ngayon nakaupo sa hood ng kanyang Territory at kumakain ng ice cream. I told him earlier to just go home and rest. But he insisted that he wanted to spend an hour with me. Pinagbigyan ko na rin siya kasi hindi nga naman kami nagkita buong araw. Tinanong niya naman ako kung saan ko gustong pumunta. Sinabi ko na lang sa kanya na kahit saan basta hindi gaanong malayo para hindi na siya mapagod.
When we passed by a nearby store, I suddenly craved ice cream. Maybe Xavier noticed I was craving it, so he stopped the car and ordered for us.
We escaped, well, not totally.
I looked up and noticed several stars. Unconsciously, my lips stretched and formed a smile. It's a miracle to see stars here in Manila. Nilingon ko naman si Xavier na ngayon ay nakatitig sa akin.
My brows met. "What?"
He blinked thrice. "W-wala."
I stared at him. His hair was a bit disheveled, but it looked good on him. He lifted his gaze when he noticed I was staring at him. He licked his lower lip. The wind blew, causing my hair to fly. Nevertheless, Xavier tucked some strands of my hair at the back of my ear. "What's that look, Sab?"
I shrugged and fixed his hair. "You looked really exhausted, yet you still chose to come by. I'm just worried . . . at the same time . . . happy."
He twitched his lips, refraining himself from smiling. "Really?"
I pursed my lips and nodded. I ate the ice cream while watching the stars above us.
In my peripheral vision, he ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. I was eaten by curiosity when he picked out something from his jacket that made my jaw drop and eyes widen. For a moment, I forgot how to breathe.
"Late na ba 'ko?" He asked.
I gulped the lump in my throat and lifted my gaze. "H-how did you. . . shit! Oh, my god!" I was panicking! My hands were shaking. Muntik ko na ngang mabitawan ang natitirang hawak kong ice cream dahil sa gulat. And I felt like my heart would come out of my chest.
I couldn't fucking believe it! Xavier was holding my book! Yes, the book where I wrote our story! What the fuck?!
He smiled playfully. "Kaya pala hindi mo sinabi sa akin kung ano ang gagawin mo ngayon, ah."
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mukhang ihaharap ko sa kanya. Bumaba ako ng sasakyan habang pinapaypayan ang sarili. I need to breathe! Tinawag niya ang pangalan ko at ramdam kong nakasunod siya sa akin habang hawak pa rin ang libro. This time, he had a pen in his hand.
Hindi ko na makain nang maayos 'yong ice cream ko kasi nanginginig na talaga 'ko! Kaunti na lang naman ang natitira kaya tinapon ko na lang sa malapit na basurahan. Nasa gilid ko siya at kinukulit akong pirmahan ang libro.
Gamit ang dalawang kamay ay hinilamos ko ang aking mukha. Paniguradong pulang-pula ang pisngi ko ngayon. I just. . . oh, my god! How the fuck did this happen?!
"Hey, Sab."
I couldn't look at him. I just. . . can't! Hindi talaga 'ko makapaniwala sa hawak niya ngayon. Who told him, by the way? Was it Angelique? Ace? Mom? Dad? I swear to God para na talaga 'kong mababaliw. I kept it to him since then, but now? Damn it.
"How the fu-- how did you know about it? Did Angelique told you? Naku! Makakatikim talaga sa akin--"
"Sab, calm down."
"How can I calm down, Xav?! You. . ." Tiningnan ko siya. Napansin ko naman ang nakatago niyang ngiti na para bang sayang-saya siya sa nalaman. Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya at nagbuntong hininga. I combed my hair and licked my lower lip. I could still feel my heart beating so loud. "God. This is so. . ." I sighed again. I couldn't construct my thoughts properly. Not today, not tonight.
Nahihiya ako! Baka sabihin niya na patay na patay ako sa kanya kasi sinulat ko 'yong nangyari sa amin noong nagbakasyon ako.
"Bakit ka nahihiya? Ako lang 'to, Sab," aniya at binuntutan pa ng tawa.
"Will you please stop teasing me, Xavier Angelo?"
He cleared his throat and shut up. Humalukipkip ako at nagbuntong hininga. "How did you know about my book? Sinabi ba sa 'yo ni Angelique or ni Mommy?"
Isa lang kina Mom at Gel ang magsasabi niyon kay Xavier. Since Angelique is talkative, maybe there was a time where she mentioned it to him. But how? Kung si Mommy naman. . . paano niya rin sinabi?
"Walang nagsabi sa 'kin. Please, don't accused your Mom or Angelique. They're innocent, Sab."
I gulped. Naramdaman ko siya sa gilid ko. In my peripheral vision, I saw him staring at me.
"Then how?"
"I'm a reader of yours, Sabrina."
Agad akong napalingon sa kanya. My lips parted and my eyes were widened a fraction.
"What?"
"Before the Sunset. Ikaw 'yong sumulat noon, 'di ba?"
Dahan-dahan akong tumango. Ngumiti siya sa akin ng kaunti. "Malungkot ako noong mga panahong 'yon. Literal na parang binagsakan ako ng mundo. Hindi ba't sinabi ko na sa 'yo na iniwan kami ni Papa?" He sighed. "Tapos. . . doon ko nalaman na may sakit pala si Mama. One time, I was scrolling on my Facebook. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka nakarating sa news feed ko. All I remembered was Amara shared your post on Aspiring Photographers Club page kung saan kasali ako roon. At parang may nagtulak sa akin na bilhin ang librong 'yon. So, I did." Nilingon niya 'ko. "And that was the best decision I've made. Hindi mo lang alam, Sab, pero niligtas ako ng kwento mo."
My eyes became misty. Umiwas ako ng tingin at sinubukan na huwag umiyak. Before The Sunset was all about the pain I had experienced. Iyong mga panahon na pakiramdam ko ako na lang mag-isa kasi palagi akong nabu-bully ay sinulat ko. But when Angelique came, my life changed.
The story isn't romance—it is all about coping with the pain.
I vividly remember what Penelope said, "in this life, we would always experience pain and suffering. And being vulnerable is normal. It is okay. What's not okay is choosing to give up. Before the sunset, settle your thoughts and never sleep with a heavy heart. Tomorrow will come, and joy will reign in your heart."
Naramdaman kong hinawakan ni Xavier ang kamay ko. "Sab, look at me."
"I c-can't. Nahihiya ako."
Hinapit niya ang katawan ko at hinatak para mayakap. He rested his chin on my head and tapped my back. I closed my eyes and smelled the manly scent that I love.
"Why?"
"You read it, didn't you?"
"Read what?"
Sinapak ko ang braso niya na agad niya namang ikinatawa. Mas lalo akong nahiya. God! Ano kaya 'yong reaksyon niya habang binabasa niya 'yong story na sinulat ko?
"You know what I mean, Xav."
"Ah, Ianna and Ronan's?"
Tumango ako. "Hmmm."
"Oo naman. Naalala mo ba noong tinanong mo 'ko kung bakit sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari?"
I paused. Then, a realization hit me. I lifted my head and met his gaze. "Don't tell me. . ."
Hinawi niya ang buhok ko habang nakatitig sa akin. He nodded his head and sighed. "I was so damn afraid that our story would end up like Ronan and Ianna's just because I wasn't able to confess my feelings for you. Sobra-sobra 'yong pagsisisi ko dati kasi hindi ko nasabi sa 'yo na gustong gusto kita. Kaya noong nagkita tayo ulit, nilakasan ko na 'yong loob ko."
"Kaya pala sobrang pamilyar ng sinabi mo."
"Totoo naman talaga na maiksi lang ang buhay. Baka bukas mawala na ako at hindi ko--aw!"
Sinapak ko siya ulit at tiningnan ng masama. He chuckled and held me tighter. "Joke lang."
I rolled my eyes. "Your joke isn't funny, Xavier Angelo."
He sighed. "Sorry na, Sab."
Hindi ako nagsalita at tumingin ako sa ibang direksyon. Pilit naman na hinuhuli ni Xavier ang paningin ko. He kept on saying sorry. Sumimangot ako.
"I didn't like your joke."
"I know. That's why I'm saying sorry. Promise, I will not do it again," he said with full of sincerity in his eyes.
I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. He hugged me tighter and stayed like that for a few minutes. The wind blew, but I couldn't feel the cold because of Xavier's warm embrace. And the peace I felt was beyond measure.
"Xav."
"What is it, Sab?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"If it wasn't because of what you said before, I would never write Ianna and Ronan's story. I only spent a short time with you during that vacation, but your voice still rang in my head. You helped me to be a better writer. And I wouldn't be here, publishing my book, if it wasn't because of you."
Napapikit ako nang maramdaman kong dumampi ang kanyang labi sa aking noo. "Tinulak lang kita, Sab, pero na sa 'yo pa rin ang desisyon kung ipagpapatuloy mo ba."
Kumalas ako sa yakapan namin at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. "Still, if you didn't push me, I would never take the risk."
He chuckled. "Okay. I will not argue with you anymore. Basta pirmahan mo muna itong libro ko."
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Fine."
Naglakad ako papunta roon sa kotse niya. Nilapag ko sa hood ng kanyang kotse ang libro at kinuha mula sa kanya ang ballpen. I signed his book and wrote a short message for him. Pagkatapos niyon ay binigay ko pabalik sa kanya ang libro at ang ballpen.
He twitched his lips and read it. Napansin ko naman ang pamumula ng kanyang tenga. I chuckled. Maybe he didn't expect that I would write it?
"Damn. Kung hindi mo lang 'to sinulat sa first page ng libro, baka pinunit ko na ang pahinang 'to at nilagay sa loob ng wallet ko."
Naiiling akong tumawa. "Tara na nga. Uwi na tayo para makapagpahinga ka na."
I walked toward the passenger side. Bubuksan ko na sana ang pinto nang pigilan niya 'ko.
"Sab, wait."
Nakakunot ang noo kong nilingon siya. "What?
He rested his hand beside me and stared at my eyes. I gulped the lump in my throat when he leaned forward and licked his lower lip. He looked down at my lips and looked up at my eyes. He looked down again and wrapped his hand around my waist, gently pulling me toward him. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. My heart was beating so loud that it would come out of my chest. Unconsciously, I placed my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. My back leaned on his car while his lips moved, angling his face to kiss me passionately.
I suddenly remembered a scene from Somewhere On the Horizon where Ronan and Ianna did a long drive and ended up kissing at Ronan's car while the stars glistened above them.
Being kissed under the stars was one of my dreams. And now, I'm living with it.
He drove me back to my house. Sabay kaming bumaba ng kanyang kotse. I hugged myself when the cold breeze touched my bare skin. Napansin yata ni Xavier na nanginginig ako kaya noong akmang huhubarin niya ang suot na jacket ay umiling ako.
"It's okay. No need."
"Pero malamig."
Umiling ulit ako. "Huwag ka na makulit."
He sighed. "Sure ka, ah?"
"Oo nga," I said and glanced on my wrist watch. It was exactly 11:05 pm. Nilingon ko ang bahay namin na ngayon ay madilim na at tanging ang labas lang ang may ilaw.
Nilingon ko naman si Xavier na ngayon ay humihikab.
"Umuwi ka na, Xav. You need to rest."
He pursed his lips and nodded. "Tsaka na kapag nakapasok ka na sa loob."
I cannot help to feel a butterfly inside my stomach. Because aside from my comfortability, Xavier's after my safety as well.
I tugged his jacket. Tumaas naman ang kanyang kilay, lumapit sa akin at yumuko para magpantay ang height naming dalawa. His eyes widened when I gave him a peck on the lips and smiled.
"Good night and thank you."
He chewed his lips and scratched his nape.
"You're always welcome, Sabrina."
He opened his arms. Natatawa naman akong yumakap sa kanya. He lifted me a bit and kissed my forehead.
"Take care, Xav," I whispered before letting go of the hug.
"Opo, magandang masungit."
I chuckled. That nickname. Damn. It brings a lot of memories.
Nagpaalam ako sa kanya at naglakad papasok sa loob. Bago ko tuluyang sinarado ang gate ay nilingon ko siya at nginitian.
"Good night."
His hands were inside his pocket. He nodded and smiled at me, too.
"Good night din, Sab."
I was about to close the gate when he ran towards where I was and stopped me from closing the gate.
"Sab, teka lang."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Why? May problema ba?"
Xavier looked tense. He licked his lower lip and bit it. Para siyang nakatirik na kandila habang nakatitig sa akin.
"Ano?"
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" he whispered while staring straight into my eyes.