It was 11 years ago when Lex and I first met.
A sunny day around July..
Wearing a high School white uniform.
Hindi plantsado ang damit ko non, mahaba ang buhok pero nakaponytail.
Due to excessive running, ang gulo-gulo na ng buhok ko at pawis na pawis na ko.
Kahit na naka school-blouse ako ay may puting t-shirt parin ako sa loob kaya't hindi nakabutones ang uniporme ko.
Even though the sun shines so bright, takbo parin ako ng takbo.
Just to ran away from those students who were following me.
Ano namang laban ko ron?
Isa lang ako, tatlo sila.
I was very desperate to find a safe spot where I could hide.
I saw an open car and I entered at the front seat.
Hingal na hingal pa ako non, pagod na pagod sa kanina pang pag-takbo, puno na rin ng pawis ang mukha at uniform ko.
Napalingon ako sa driver's seat and that's where I saw him.
He looks so confused.
He didn't even said anything, he was just staring right into my soul like I'm a criminal or something, he probably see the dirty, disgusting girl he always sees in me but in my point of view, it was like I have seen an angel.
He looks so clean and neat, so successful and respectful, someone who's a complete opposite of me.
That's when I realized that It was love at first sight.
I never thought that it actually existed in real life.
Since then, I started chasing him.
I don't know why but we always crossed each other's path.
I know I chased him for many, many years but it was weird why we always sees each other anywhere.
Alam ko namang hindi ako gusto ni Lex nang 15 years old palang ako, I am aware that he doesn't like me, he just said that he sees himself in me that he don't want me to end up miserable.
I was literally head over heels for him so I agreed to everything he said.
I wanted to look nice when it comes to him.
Because of him, I started to act like a girl, like a woman, I mean.
Started brushing my hair, tying it very neat, 'cause he likes long-haired women with ponytail.
Started using skin care and having a simple skin care routine.
Pinaplantsa ko na rin ang uniporme ko and started wearing dresses.
Lex is a perfectionist man, he has a very high standards, as I was really head over heels for him, I tried reaching him, I tried climbing the walls of his standards just to be with him.
Nag-simula na akong mag-aral ng mabuti dahil nga sa gusto nito ang babaeng matalino at mataas ang grades sa eskwelahan.
I get insecure whenever he talks with another women who were much prettier than me.
I don't know what he did to me why I acted the way I did before, I though he did something else with me then just realized it was actually my feelings all along.
Hindi nya naman siguro ako ginayuma, sayang di na uso yon ngayon, kung uso lang yan baka sya na ginayuma ko.
One of the things I liked about Lex was the fact that he always treats me right..he was cold and serious most of the time, but he still knows how to respect girls and whenever I'm with him, para bang may kuya ako.
One time, nang sinabi nitong ihahatid nya nalang ako pauwi galing sa eskwelahan.
Kapapasok ko pa lamang ng sasakyan nya, gusto ko na agad lumabas.
Mas pipiliin ko pang mag-lakad nalang sa highway kaysa maupo dito ng matagal.
All throughout the scene inside the car, I didn't said anything.
Pinipilit ko nalang hindi masuka, Hindi ko gusto ang amoy ng kotse nya, I don't like the scent.
It was Black Ice scent at nasusuka na talaga ako sa amoy nito, syempre ayoko namang masuka rito, it was embarrassing..
"Do you feel uncomfortable?"
He always asks that because he always care.
I've been staring at the scent for too long and maybe he saw that.
While driving with his left hand, ginamit naman nito ang kabilang kamay para tanggalin yung mga scent na nakasabit, he then started asking me about what scent I like.
I told him na wala akong alam sa mga ganto dahil isang scent lang ang alam ko, apple scent and I said that I used to liked it before.
After a day or two, when we saw each other again, napansin kong hindi na Black ice ang scent na nakasabit sa kotse nya kundi Apple scent.
That was a turn on, because Lex is a kind of guy that will always makes you feel comfortable.
16 was my turning point, Ren was maybe around 10 or 11 years old that time if I may recall.
I was only 16 years old when our parents die and so do the business in which my mom was one of its stakeholders.
Wala akong choice kundi mag-matured, I started looking for different jobs that would support my brother's needs.
That was the hardest year of my life.
I'm thankful that Ren grew up smart and business minded.
Since i'm too busy with everything, I didn't even get to say goodbye to Lex when he said he had to leave the country for family purposes.
Two years had passed then I saw him again.
I was a 1st year college that time.
I'm not a minor anymore, we started hanging out together and he told me that I changed since the last time he saw me.
I realized that I was still in love with Lex the whole time but what I didn't realized was the fact that he also fell the second we saw each other.
Lex was indeed cold outside when we're in a public place, he was kinda introvert but extrovert when it's only the two of us.
He started to tell jokes he thinks were funny when we were dating already.
Loves to watch movies here and there.
He was..so sweet.
What I love about him the most was the fact that He cares for my brother, Ren used to hate him but after months of trying to earn his trust, he successfully did.
"Your brother's pretty smart for his age, maybe when he grows up, I'll make him one of my stockholders."
But Ren has a high ambition.
He created his own business and company that top higher than Lex's.
He beat him and Ren loved the superiority.
Things started to get rough between me and Lex when I went into prison.
He still visits me regularly but that regular became twice a week, once a week, twice a month, sometimes, until he never did already.
Sabi ko nga, mataas ang standards nya and ang baba ng tingin nito sa akin dahil nakakulong ako.
I know I have to let him go dahil walang patutunguhan ang ginagawa namin but instead, I held on.
That was my mistake.
I should've let him go when I had the chance so hindi ako nag-mukhang tanga nang makipag-hiwalay to sakin.
What he did say again?
That he was getting married? to the girl I hate since high school?
That was a double kill, I was insulted.
Did I let him go already?
I didn't.
Of course I tried to stop him.
What's worse is that I knelt.
I don't wanna talk about the time of our break up, Ayokong magalit kay Lex but whenever I think about it, nagagalit ako sa kanya at... lalo na sa sarili ko.
I was still head over heels for him that time.
I tried so hard to achieve his standards when he didn't even tried to help me when I needed him the most.. but instead, he left.
I cursed and cursed at the prison.
I also cursed Lex's life and now that I saw that he really looks miserable, a part of me regrets it but a part of me was loving the scene.
I hate him for two things, for making me feel things like that.
And for making me kneel down just to have him back.
I admit that I still like him but anger ate my heart..
I let anger and rage eats me up and I'll continue to let it until there's nothing 'love' left.
—
PRESENT
"Sabi ng kapatid mo, may humahabol sa inyo bukod sa bots.. .pero hindi nya sakin sinabi kung bakit."
Parang timang naman, magku-kwento, hindi naman kumpleto.
"Meron nga." Maikling sagot ko rito.
Nag-lakad na ako palayo sa kanya upang lumabas ng pinto, I was hoping that he'll grab me back, maybe call my name or something that would make me feel that love was still there, but he didn't.
He was way too busy with his equipments.
Nauna pa nga itong lumabas sa akin sa pinto, it was clear that we don't share the same feelings anymore.
Napapaisip nalang ako kung naging kami ba talaga dati, I'm not sure if he actually held my hand back then or he just lets me held his.
Bakit ba parang lagi nalang akong nag-hahabol sa kanya?
I'm not 15 anymore, I'm 26 already.
Grow up, Ray.
Forcing love would only make things hard.
"Ray.."
"ANO!?" Napasigaw na ako sa pag-kairita at lumingon sa likod upang hanapin kung sino ang nag-salita.
Nagulat ako nang makitang si Zero pala yon, he was awake already!
Nakaupo na ito sa higaan at mukhang patayo na rin.
"Gising ka na pala--"
"Mukhang di ka masayang gising na ko ha, sige tulog nalang ulit ako." pabirong sambit nito at nahiga ulit, nakatalikod pa nga sa akin.
"Gisingin mo nalang ako pag di ka na galit." dagdag pa nito at nilingon ako sandali.
Baliw.
"Baka hindi ka na magising." Natatawang sambit ko rito at nag-lakad palapit sa kanya.
"Kamusta na?" tanong ko rito at ini-scan sya upang tingnan kung may sugat na nakaligtaang gamutin.
"Ikaw kaya makagat at mabaril." Pilosopong sagot nito.
"Well kung ako yung nakagat at nabaril, for sure patay na ko, hindi ko alam kung anong meron sayo bakit hanggang ngayon buhay at namimilisopo ka pa rin."
Natawa ito sa sinabi ko at nag-mamadaling naupo sa higaan, Wow, parang walang dinadamdam.
Napatitig ako kay Zero, hindi ko alam paano sasabihin dito ang mga nalaman namin tungkol sa kanya .
Bahala na si Ren, Oplan ibigay kay Ren lahat ng mga bagay na mahirap gawin.
-
Iniwan ko na si Zero sa kwarto and told him to rest.
He was still eager to know the truth of his existence and identity, Ren decided to tell him about what we already know.
Hindi naman pwedeng itago namin sa kanya ang nalalaman namin when it is actually about them.
Hindi ko na alam kung anong oras o anong petsa.
Ilang oras na akong nakatayo rito at pasilip-silip sa bintana pero bakit hindi parin nag-uumaga?
May kakaiba akong napansin sa isanh building na medyo malapit lang sa amin.
Kinuha ko ang telescope sa bag ko at nang itapat ko ito ay nakita ko ang sniper na nakatayo sa dulo ng rooftop at nag-pupunas ng kanyang baril.
Cyber people wears White while he wears black.
Kinuha ko ang baril ko at itinapat ito sa kanya.
Nagulat ako nang lumingon ito at bigla na lamang may laser na tumama sa mata ko, agad akong napaupo sa baba ng bintana upang mag-tago.
Did he saw me?
Ang galing nya namang makaramdam.
I wonder if he's not an enemy or not.
He was the one who killed the bots with one shot when we entered this City again, he's skilled but if he really is, bakit hindi nya kami napatay nila Ren? wala manlang kaming tama.
Magaling to, he could kill us anytime he wants, pwede nya na kaming patayin kanina, kaya nya tong gawin, pero hindi nya ginawa.
I wonder, what's his deal..
I hope maybe sooner or later, I would be able to know about his intention with us.
If it's getting Zero back, he was clearly an enemy.
But if it's something else..I wonder what is it?