Chapter 9
"Huwag po, maawa po kayo..." Umiiyak na sambit ko habang pinipigilan ang kanyang kamay sa paglapat sa mga hita ko.
"Pota ang kinis na kahit bata pa,"
Pumikit ako ng mariin at taimtim na nagdadasal na sana ay may tumulong sa akin. Patuloy na tumulo pababa ang mga luha ko habang patuloy pa rin ang lalaki sa paghimas sa akin. Nasa ilalim kami ng tulay at madilim dito. Nasisiguro kong walang makakita sa amin kaya nanginginig na ako sa takot sa ano mang gawin ng lalaking ‘to sa akin.
"Hmm, natitiyak kong masarap ka." Nakangising aniya at dinilaan ang pang ibabang labi.
Patuloy pa rin sa pag agos ang mga luha ko. Nanginginig na rin ako sa takot sa maaring gawin niya sa ‘kin. Tahimik lang akong natutulog sa ilalim ng tulay ng biglang may lasing na dumating at ito ang kinahantungan ko.
Hinalikan niya ang leeg ko kaya nagpumiglas ako. Sigaw ako nang sigaw, nagbabakasakaling may makarinig at matulungan ako.
Lord please, parang awa niyo na. May mabuting tao sanang makatulong sa akin.
"Pota, manahimik ka kundi tagos hanggang buto ‘tong kutsilyo ko sa tagiliran mo."
Napahagulhol na lang ako sa sinapit. I wish I weren’t in this situation. Kung sana lang ay hindi ako iniwan ni nanay, e ‘di sana hindi nangyayari sa ‘kin ngayon ‘to.
Napamulat ako ng may marinig akong tunog ng patrolya. Bumilis ang tibok ng dibdib ko at luminga linga para makita ang mga pulis. Natunugan yata ng hayop ang pulis kaya biglang tumayo at tumakbo kaso corner na siya kaya nahuli.
"Maria!"
I open my eyes to see who wake me up from my nightmare. Habol ang hiningang tinignan si ate. I space out as tears running down my cheeks. Naalala ko na naman. How badly I want to forget it so much. I was abused sexually. Not raped but abused. Masakit maalala ang nakaraan na gustong gusto ko ng kalimutan.
"Maria what happened? Why are you crying? Anong nangyayari sa ‘yo?" Ate ask panicking.
"A-ate..." Umiiyak na sabi ko at niyakap siya.
"Shhhh, I’m here now. What’s wrong?"
"A-te n-napa.. napanaginipan ko na naman a-ang.. nangyari dati..."
"Gusto mo ba bumalik tayo sa psychiatrist? Let’s seek help. Don’t overthink please, it might affect your mental health."
Umiling ako at pinahiran ang luha. I do the breathing exercise to calm myself. We were at the house right now and it’s early in the morning. Kakagising ko lang galing sa napakasamang panaginip na hiling kong sana ay ‘wag ng maulit pa.
"I am now okay. Umaatake lang talaga paminsan minsan pero kaya ko pa ate."
She sighed and nod. "Okay but please kung may problema ka man ‘wag mong sarilihin. As much as possible open up. If you don’t want to be back at treating you in hospital then help yourself. Maria even if many people are here to help you, at the end of the day no one can comfort you but yourself only. Nandito ako para tulungan ka at handa ako pero alam kong mas matutulungan mo ang sarili mo dahil kilala mo ang sarili mo, ikaw ang mas higit na nakaka-alam kung paano mo matutulungan ang sarili."
I smiled. This is the reason why I love her so damn much. She helps me to recover from my traumatic experience. She help me regain my self. She help me to live this second life.
"Thank you ate. Thank you for everything you’ve done to save me and my life. Kasi kung hindi mo ako tinulungan paniguradong wala na ako ngayon sa mundong ‘to."
She hug me tightly. "You are welcome. I love you my sister."
"I love you ate." I said sincerely.
Kumalas na siya sa yakap ko at ginulo ang buhok ko.
"Mag ayos ka na at tayo’y papasok na sa shop. Hihintayin kita sa baba para makapag almusal na tayo."
I nod. Lumabas na siya. I stood up and go to the bathroom to see my reflection at the mirror.
I have a dark circle below my eyes. Ang maputla kong labi ang nakikita ko. I don’t see any beauty in my face. All I see is a lost girl seeking for haven, for refuge.
In this life full of cruelty, I want to find solace.
I sighed and started striping off my clothes. I on the shower and touch the scar near my abdomen. This scar is the proof that I experienced a cruel world. This scar is the proof that I survived.
Pagkatapos kong maligo ay agad akong nagbihis. Ayokong paghintayin si ate sa hapag kasi alam ko kung gaano ka ayaw niyang paghintayin ang pagkain. She doesn’t want to eat alone because she always believed the saying “A family that eats together, stay’s forever.”
Nagbihis ako ng simpleng off shoulder crop top vest casual color army green and plaid fitted skirt three inches above the knee. I also partnered it with black booths with a high heels on it. I blow dry my hair and fix it into messy bun. I brush my eyebrows to form it. Hindi na kailangang artehan ang kilay ko dahil makapal na ‘to. I put eye shadow and eye liner to define my seductive brown eyes. I curl my long thick eyelashes. I put blush on and red lipstick to look even more seductive. I put my round big earrings, my heartbeat necklace, my bracelet and lastly my ring.
When I’m all set, I go downstairs. Dala dala ko ang aking handbag na may lamang importanteng gamit katulad ng pitaka at cellphone.
Ate smiled when she saw me walking to the kitchen.
"Ang ganda naman ng Maria ko! You should dress up like this! I love your outfit for today. Sexy but isn’t revealing." She happily said and clasped her hands.
I laughed. I know how much she hates those girls wearing revealing clothes. Ayoko ng kontrahin siya ro’n, nasa bibliya raw iyon eh. Well that too, like what I said people have the right on what to wear because we’re in the free world but, yes there’s a but, please do always remember to have your limits. Wearing sexy clothes is okay but wearing sexy and revealing clothes to the point na makikita na ang ‘di dapat makita ang hindi na okay.
Pagkaupo ko ay nagsimula na kaming magdasal ni ate. Kaming dalawa lang ang nakatira sa bahay niya at may mga maids siyang inaasahan dito since wala kaming dalawa rito. I started to put fried rice to my plate. I also put hotdogs, bacon and eggs. May timplang kape na nakalagay sa baso ko. Maybe ate did this.
"Ate, I have something to tell you." I said as I look at her.
"Mamaya na sa sasakyan. You know I hate talking when eating. Respect the food because it’s a grace."
I just nodded and continue eating. Sabi ko nga bawal pala magsalita kapag kumakain. When were done ay ibinilin na lang niya ‘to sa mga kasambahay since it’s eight in the morning na. Eight kasi ang pasok ng mga employees at gusto niyang pumasok na rin kami sa mga oras na iyon. Fairness is what she wants.
As the moment we entered the backseat, sinabi ko na agad ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya.
"Ate kasi ano, I’ve search this at pinag-aralan ko na ring mabuti ‘to. City is the best thing to build business especially Cebu. That’s a popular city here in Visayas and I want us to build our second branch of Lovingly Café at Cebu. Pretty please ate, believe me papatok ‘yon promise!"
She sighed. "Pag-iisipan ko pa. This is a big business Maria. Malaki ang gagastusin dito. Hindi ‘to magiging madali."
I nod. Tama nga naman siya. Kailangan ‘tong pag-isipang mabuti at ‘wag magpa dalos dalos.
We arrived at the café and greeted our employees. I and ate immediately parted our ways, she’s going to the kitchen to check the staff and stocks while I am going to my office to check the papers. I am the one managing the papers while ate is in the kitchen.
Pagkapasok ko pa lang ay nakita ko na agad ang pangit kong secretary na seryoso sa pag-aarange sa mga papel na pipirmahan ko. Ang seryoso naman nitong gagang ‘to.
"Mikaela Tolentino, ba’t ang seryoso mo?"
She gasped and put her hands on her heart. Ang oa ng reaction ha. Natawa ako sa kanya.
"Tama nga si Leah, para kang kabute jusko ka ma’am! Maayong buntag!"
I greeted back and sat at my swivel chair. She handed me the folders.
"Nasa coffee table mo na ang kape at cake mo. Pirmahan mo lahat ‘yan at ibigay mo agad sa ‘kin pagkatapos para magbigay ko na kay madam."
I smirked. "Ang hard working mo yata ngayon, anong meron?"
Umiling lang siya at ngumiti. "Maganda lang ang gising. Ikaw ba? Ba’t ang ganda mo yata ngayon? May jowa ka na?"
"Excited ka masyado! Dadating tayo riyan, anyways go back to your work na."
"Okay, umiiwas ka lang sa topic eh." Natatawang aniya at lumabas na.
Napailing ako. Ayoko lang talagang pag usapan kasi hindi ko pa nakikita ang the right one.
I started to sign the papers at nilibang ang sarili sa pakikinig ng music. Music is calming that’s why I love it.
I enhaled deeply as I remembered my dreams or nightmare in other words. It was a tough fight for me and I’m glad I survived.
Through seeking with Jesus, I healed that’s why prayer is so very helping and powerful. Believing and surrendering is one of the biggest help in healing and surviving.
I hope everything will be alright.