"Alam m-mo ba na naospital si dad? He suffered from heart attack." I smiled. And thought I felt miserable seeing his eyes watch me with pity, I continued.
"Akala ko mawawala siya sa akin." my voice cracked. "Siya lang ang mayroon ako, hindi ko kailanman maiintindihan kung kukunin siya sa akin. At alam mo kung ano ang napagtanto ko?"
He tried to wipe my tears but I did it before he could even do it.
"I realized that there are more people out there who needs me. That sometimes, there are pain that don't deserve bearing. Na minsan, may mga laban na hindi kailangang magkaroon ng talunan para may masabing panalo. There are battles that need no winners and quitters because sometimes, they're just on the wrong battles."
I watch his blood shot eyes. I smiled lightly and that's sincerely from the pit of my heart.
"Hindi kita sinukuan. Nasa mali lang akong laban." I smiled while my lips are trembling.
"Huwag mo kong bigyan ng mga palaisipan, Jade. Sabihin mo sa akin ng diretso." nangangalit niyang sabi. Hinanakit ang aking mga braso at halos magdikit ang aming mga ilong sa sobrang lapit.
"Sabihin mo sa akin kung mahal mo pa ako. Yun lang ang gusto kong marinig sa'yo."
Tears fell like crazy. I can hear his heavy breathing and the loud beating of his heart. Heto na naman kami. Heto na naman ako't nahuhulog sa mga patibong na binibigay niya sa akin.
"Mahal kita, Erato. M-mahal na mahal." pagsusumamo ko. I palmed his jaw and I felt how it calmed as I caress it lightly.
"Then what happened to Jade who doesn't know how to quit huh? What?" he whispered.
Gulong gulo ako. Sa mga kilos niya maging sa kanyang salita.
"You told me that. I'm not forgetting it. So what's with all these huh? Bakit sumusuko ka?"
"I'm a fool when it comes to you, yes. But if you're destined with someone else, I would respect the divine for deciding that."
"Fuck the divine." he cursed. "Ikaw ang uwian ko, Jade. Ikaw ang tunguhan ko." Nabasag ang tinig niya.
My heart sank deeper. Sa lahat ng kumplikado, siya ang pinaka. I can't understand him, but with his tone, his warm breath, the beating of his heart, it seems like we're meeting at the both ends.
"Huwag mo kong sukuan, parang-awa mo na."
My lips trembled. I wish he knew what his words meant to me.
"Hindi ba't ikaw naman tong tumanggi sa offer ni daddy sa iyo? Now you're having a hard time, why do you want me to not let you go? Masakit para sa akin ito, Erato. Pero mas masakit kung ipipilit ko pa lahat, knowing that I don't stand a place in your heart," turan ko.
Pinikit niya ng mariin ang kanyang mga mata. I felt his grasp tightened as he's looking like he's having a hard time thinking.
"Bakit ayaw mong sukuan kita? Pagkatapos ng pagtanggi mo, para saan lahat ng ito? Hindi ko mauunawaan lahat, Erato. Ipaintindi mo sa'kin." pagsusumamo ko.
Kahit na gusto kong idampi ang labi ko sa kaniya ay hindi ko magawa. Basta't nasasaktan akong makita siyang ganito kahina sa mga mata ko. Tila ayaw na ayaw niyang sukuan ko siya, tila hirap na hirap siya sa mga nangyayari.
"You said we're not lost right? We're just trying to hide and escape." I added. "I'm with you, Erato. Maiintindihan kita kung ipapaliwanag mo sa akin. Bakit? Bakit gusto mo pa 'kong kumapit sayo?"
It took him some time to let out some heavy breathing. Kinakalma ko siya sa pamamagitan ng mga haplos ko, ngunit tila walang nagbabago. He's trying to control himself through me, hindi ko maunawaan ang gusto niyang iparating.
"Gago ako Jade. Gago ako." mariin niyang sambit.
I sighed. Nasabi na niya ito noon. "I love you because you chose to be the man you want to be. Ke-gago o puta ka, lahat ng parte ng pagkatao mo ay mahal na mahal ko."
That made him open his eyes, when he saw me I smiled at him. He leaned to kiss me, I think. But he stopped. I look at him, confused. He gritted his jaw and held my wrist. Takang taka ako sa ginawa niyang paghila sa akin.
"W-where are we going? Iuuwi mo na ba ako?" tanong ko.
He answered me before he closed the door of the shotgun seat.
"Ipapakita ko sa'yo kung gaano ako ka-gago." sambit niya.
Takang taka ako buong byahe. Hindi na ako nagtangkang magsalita dahil gulat rin ako sa mga kaganapan ngayong gabi. I was just crazily dancing at the bar and now I'm with him. Tinignan ko ang side mirror, nakita kong wala na ang kotse. He lost my bodyguard, again. Siguro ay sanay na sanay itong walain ang mga bodyguard niya. He has no problem with these things at all.
Sa kalagitnaan ng byahe ay hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako. Dala na rin ng kalasingan at pagod. Ang sunod na pagmulat ng mga mata ko ay ang katamtamang dilim ng isang kwarto. I saw myself in the mirror above. With a headache, my eyes wandered.
There's a single chair at the corner of the room. My eyes wandered again to the other side and saw a small round coffee table. The light is making me sleepy and making my sight blurry. I almost can't recognize things.
Where am I? I looked up to the mirror at the ceiling again and saw the reflection of myself. The silk duvet and other bed necessities reflect so clearly. I just realized that the interior of this place has a hint of Victorian interior or something.
My thoughts stopped when I saw a figure of a man from the mirror getting nearer. He stopped when he reached the end of the bed. Slowly, I fixed my head to level the man. I was astounded. Seeing Erato half naked, wearing only his jeans, flaunting his broad body.
His hawk eyes like fixed into me. It speaks thousand of words and ending up in few words to conclude. Sa paningin ko'y iisa lamang ang nagiging sagot sa lahat ng katanungan sa aking isip.
"W-why are we here?" I finally spoke in a way of whispering. My hoarse voice is almost unrecognizable.
His jaw protruded when I asked. He's looking mad like he always does. He put his hands at the bed and the perfect curves and depths of his arms showed up. I closed my mouth just because I think I'm looking like a fool gawking at him so much.
"I told you. I'll show how bad I am." he uttered.
I breathed long, trying not to make him hear the sound of my insides breaking down.
"Tignan natin kung masabi mo pa saking mahal mo ako pagkatapos."
I felt my heart jumped in hundreds of emotions I couldn't fathom. Hindi man ako sigurado sa lahat ng mga saloobin ko ngunit ramdam ko naman na tila may napunit na kung ano sa aking kaloob-looban.
It seems like I know what he's trying to say, and I'm not even having any thoughts of declining him. In fact, I wanted to put myself into this test he's trying to give me. Because I know this is his shallowness, this is him and I'm not afraid to see this side of him.
"Then show me how bad it can be." I uttered under my breath.
His eyes darkened more. "Mag ingat ka sa mga salitang binibitiwan mo."
"Show me. Show me the worst part of you." I lifted my chin up and showed him that I'm not afraid of anything, yet my tears are making my sight blurry.