Rain's POV
"Magpasalamat ka kaya muna bago ka mangbintang na pinagsamantalahan kitang bakulaw ka!" naghuhurumentado kong usal dahil sa galit.
"Should I thank someone who just undressed me without my permission?"
"Hell yes! If it wasn't because of me, you could've been stock there, bawling like a lost child!" I exclaimed with my hands crossed over chest.
The nerve of this man for accusing me such obscene act. Taking advantage of someone's vulnerability wasn't my game and totally not my hobby. The fuck he is judge me! Ako na nga 'tong tumulong, ako pa napasama.
Hindi na siya nag-atubiling sumagot at kinuha na lamang ang kanyang pitaka at susi ng kotse na nasa ibabaw ng upuang nasa kabilang tabi ng kama. Tinapunan niya ako ng masamang tingin bago inalungkat ang laman ng pitaka niya.
"Kanina lang, pinagbintangan mo akong pinagsamantalahan kita. Ngayon, pinagbibintangan mo naman akong magnanakaw. "Is accusing people your hobby?"
"I can't just trust a stranger. Better sure than sorry." He put the wallet inside the denim short he was wearing. "Just tell me your bank account. I'll pay for your help, tell me your prize. And please do include how much this filthy clothes are, I'll double its prize. Enough?" He stood properly with his hands on pockets.
Well yeah, that just pissed me to hell.
Parang bigla na lang umakyat lahat ng dugo ko sa ulo at nakaramdam ako ng panginginit habang walang tigil na humahangos dahil sa namumuong inis sa kalamnan ko. Pakiramdam ko para akong bomba na sasabog ilang sandali mula ngayon dahil sa sinabi ng bakulaw na nasa harapan ko.
Imbes na patulan ay kumawala na lang ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga at kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi ko para kumalma. Today has been a rough day for me because of what Troyve did. At hindi ko hahayaang madagdagan pa 'yon dahil lang sa bakulaw na nasa harap ko.
"I'm not in the mood for this. I don't need your money–a simple 'thank you' will do, but pretty sure you can't give that, so please, just go and disappear," I utter in monotone, trying to stay calm.
My patience has a short fuse so hope this man won't push me to my limits. Because if he will, he'll ride his expensive car with a bruise on his face, I swear.
"I can hear your voices from the gate. What's happening? Lover's quarrel?" basag ni Kuya Maxx sa katahimikan.
"The f*ck?" we yelled in chorus.
"That means yes." He raised both his hands mid-air. "I'm out." He walked outside of my room.
Kuya Maxx has really this kind of attitude, and it f*cking irritates me.
I massaged the bridge of my nose while my other hand is on my waist, stressed with all the things happened today.
Quota na ako sa nangyari sa amin ni Troyve. Pero pati ba naman 'tong bakulaw dadagdag pa?
"So how mu–"
"I don't need your money so just f*ck off, please? " His voice strangled.
"No need to tell me that. I will step out of this house even if you don't ask me too. I can't live with this dog-cage-like house." He went outside of my room and closed the door.
That guy is really getting into my nerves. Kapag nakita ko pa 'yong bakulaw na 'yon, hindi talaga ako magdadalawang-isip na bikain ang betlog niya gamit paa ko.
"So, kabit mo 'yon?" tanong ni Kuya habang nakadungaw ang ulo sa pintuan ng kwarto ko.
"Kuya!" Ibabato ko na sana ang hawak kong unan sa kanya pero agad siyang tumakbo.
***
It's been two days since the day Troyve decided to put our relationship into an end. I've been here in my room for two days, locking my self, hoping it can ease the pain-but it can't. Escaping the world was my way of coping up with the pain on my baggage–but the more I escape, the more the pain haunts me.
Gusto kong makausap si Kuya Maxx tungkol dito–sa kanya kasi ako palagi nagkukuwento tuwing may problema ako. Pero kapag ginawa ko 'yon, siguradong magkakasira silang dalawa ni Troyve.
Kuya Maxx and Troyve are friends. I met Troyve because of Kuya Maxx. Ang ikinakatakot ko, kapag nalaman ni Kuya na sinaktan ako ni Troyve, siguradong mag-aaway sila. Kuya is an overprotective brother at ayaw niyang nasasaktan ako dahil sa maselang kondisyon ko ngayon. At kapag nag-away sila, katapusan na rin 'yon ng pagkakaibigan nila. I don't want that to happen. I hate the thought of me being the reason why their friendship will be over.
Naramdaman ako ang pamamasa sa pisngi kaya hinawakan ko ito at napagtantong ang mga tubig na ito ay nagmula sa aking mga mata–umiiyak na pala ako ng hindi ko namamalayan habang pinagmamasdan ang mga litrato namin ni Troyve na nakapatong sa study table ko.
I was trying my best not to think of him. I tried diverting my focus on something else–reading, watching movies, stress-eating, and anything I could possibly do just to help myself not to think of Troyve. But I f*cking can't. He was my world-sounds cringe but it's true. And now I am clueless of what to do after he left me.
What's his reason? Why did he just left me hanging? Am I not enough for him to stay? Do I lack something? Am I ugly? Have I did something bad? Those are just some of the questions that keeps on bugging me. I feel so stupid for knowing a thing about his reason. Maiintindihan ko naman kasi kung ipinaliwanag niya lang nang maayos. But he choose not to and just left me dumbfounded.
I heard the door's cracking sound so I immediately wiped my tears with my hands, lay down on bed, then wrapped myself with a blanket. I'm sure it's them and I don't want them to see my face with my puffy eyes. Surely they'll just chaff at me.
Nakarinig ako ng mga yapak kaya ikinuyom ko ang aking buong katawan para hindi nila matanggal ang kumot na nakatalukbong sa akin.
"Yerd, nandito na kami." Isa lang ang tumatawag sa akin gamit ang second name ko kaya alam ko na agad kung sino ito–it's Blue, one of my bestfriends.
Umupo si Melvin at Leslie sa paanan ko habang si Blue naman ay humiga sa tabi ko at itinanday ang kamay at paa niya sa akin na animo'y nakayakap.
Alam na nila ang nangyari. Pinapunta ko sila rito para naman kahit papaano may makausap ako tungkol sa nangyari. Hindi ko na rin kasi kayang isarili-parang kahit anong sandali sasabog ako hangga't hindi ko 'to napapalabas.
"Kakausapin mo kami o ikukuwento namin kay Kuya Maxx 'yong nangyari?" Melvin warned but I didn't budge. I know he won't do that. Hindi ko lang kinaibigan dahil sa trip ko lang. Kinaibigan ko sila kasi alam kong mapagkakatiwalaan sila.
"Baks, are you okay?" tanong ni Leslie.
"Sure ka talaga sa tanong mong 'yan Leslie? Gusto mo ako na sumagot?.. Hindi!" diin ni Melvin.
"Tumahimik ka Melvino at baka makotongan kita ng wala sa oras."
"Yucks! Don't even call me by that name! My name's Khryst Margo, b*tch!"
"Saka mo na ako pasikatan bakla kapag may dede't pekpek ka na!"
This is the reason why I want them to come–dahil sa mga bulok na utak ng mga hunghang na 'to, siguro, kahit papaano, makakalimutan ko 'yong sakit.
Leslie was my only girl friend. While Melvin or Margo, like what he argued, is my gay friend. Most of the time, para silang aso't pusa. Isang bagay lang ang pinagkakasunduan nila, at iyon ay lalake.
"Moao, gusto mo nood tayo ng sine?" usal ni Blue sabay higpit ng yapos sa akin.
Blue's a straight guy, base on what he said. Among the circle he was the most clingy. Moao ang tawag niya sa akin which means My One And Only pronounce as 'mowaw'. Childish but I just let him. Ganiyan siya, feeling bata kahit damulag na.
Yinugyog nila ang buong katawan ko at sinubukan akong patayuin pero hindi pa rin sila nanalo. I can't let them see me like this. Paniguradong ookrayin lang nila ako.
"Tatayo ka o kukunin ko lahat ng gamit na bigay ni Troyve sa'yo at susunugin 'yon isa't-isa?" pagbabanta ni Margo kaya agad akong bumalikwas ng bangon.
"Please don't." I still can't let go of the things we both shared together. I planned to throw it all away but ended up putting it back to its places one by one.
"Aray!" rinig kong may sumigaw mula sa sahig kaya inunat ko ang aking katawan at dinungaw ito–si Blue, nalaglag pala kanina ng tumayo ako.
Natahimik ako dahil sa unti-unting pangangain ng konsensiya ko habang humahalakhak naman si Leslie at Margo.
"Ang sakit ng puwet ko!" Sigaw niya habang tumatalon at hawak-hawak ang maumbok na puwet. Pinagpala si Blue sa pisikal na anyo niya–gwapo at maganda ang hubog ng katawan–wala nga lang jowa.
"Bobo ka kasi. Ba't ka ba kasi nakayapos sa'kin na parang tarsier?" Pilit kong pinipigilan ang halakhak na kanina pa gustong kumawala pero hindi ko na ito napigilan at natawa na nga ako habang hawak ang namimilipit kong tiyan dahil sa sobrang tawa.
"Now it's my fault." Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama habang bakas pa rin sa mukha niya ang sakit.
"Titigil kayo o hindi ako lilibrehan mamaya?" pagbabanta ni Blue kay Margo at Leslie na sila namang nagsihinto sa paghalakhak ng marinig ang sinabi ni Blue. Pareho silang mayayaman pero ang pinagkaiba lang nila, si Blue, waldasero, si Leslie at Margo naman, kuripot.
"So, ayun na nga baks, magkuwento ka." Leslie cleared her throat. "Anong nangyari?"
Ang nakangiti kong labi ay kusang bumagsak ng maalala ko na naman ang tungkol kay Troyve.
"Panira ka rin ng mood ermitanya no?" wika ni Margo.
"Tumahimik ka babaeng walang pekpek."
"Kung magbabangayan kayo, doon sa mga selda niyo, 'wag dito," paninita ni Blue sa nagbabangayan na naman na Leslie at Margo. "So, ano ngang nangyari Moao?" Tinuon nilang tatlong ang mga mata sa akin at namuo ang katahimikan sa apat na sulok ng kwarto.
"He broke up with me." The only thing I utter as my eyes went downwards. My tears are about to escape from my eyes so I bit my bottom lip, trying to hide the tears that wants to be free.
I want to pretend in front of them that I'm okay. But I am sure if I can hold my tears for too long. My tears are falling on its own without me noticing it. It's like my body's rebelling against me.
"Alam na namin 'yan, baks. Ano pa? Ano daw'ng dahilan niya?" pang-uusisa ni Margo.
"He never told me that. He just left me, hanging, clueless of what's his reasons are?"
Itinaas ko ang paningin sa kanila at pinagmasdan ang mga mata ni Margo at Leslie na may bitbit na awa. Smantalang tanging galit lamang ang nakikita ko kay Blue habang nakayukom ang kamao at nanlilisik ang mga mata.
"He's taking his masterals on our school right?" I just nodded in response.
"Bubungiin ko talaga 'yon kapag nakita ko." Sabay pinatunog ang mga buto sa kanya at animo'y naghahamon ng gulo.
"Huwag na Blue, sa laking tao ni Troyve, baka 'di ka lang mabungi, baka habangbuhay ka pang maupo sa wheelchair," biro ni Margo.
"N-nakipaghiwalay si Troyve sa'yo?" Ang boses na nagmula sa pinto ay kinua ang atensiyon naming apat kaya sabay namin itong nilingon at nakita si Kuya Maxx na nakatayo roon habang nanggagalaiti.
He ran going outside so I hastily followed him. Good thing I grabbed his hand before he started the engine of his bike. This is what I'm scared of.
"Let go of my hand, Rain," Kuya Maxx emphasized but instead of doing what he said, I tightened my grip on it with my two hands.
Kapag nabitawan ko 'to, siguradong isa sa kanila ni Troyve ang uuwing bugbog-sarado. At ayaw kong mangyari 'yon.
"Saka lang kita bibitawan kapag pinangako mo sa'king hindi kayo mag-aaway."
Narinig ko ang mga yakap nila Blue, Margo at Leslie na ngayon ay nasa likuran ko na.
"I promised that I will not hurt him as long as he will not hurt you, and he broke that. Now time for me to break mine." Binalikwas niya ang nakahawak kong kamay dahilan para makakawala siya.
He hopped on the bike then started the engine.
I was about to take a step towards him when I suddenly felt like my head's breaking. It hurts so much that it made me shriek out of too much pain.
Dahil sa sobrang sakit ay biglang nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko dahilan para matumba ako. Mabuti na lamang at may nakasalo sa akin.
"Maxx!" Dinig kong sigaw ni Leslie.
My vision went blurry and everything I hear was so unclear. I tried myself not to close my eyes until my vision went all black.
Maxx's POV
"How's my twin, doc?" salubong ko sa doktor ni Rain ng lumabas ito mula sa Emergency Room.
Mag-iisang oras na mula ng ipasok si Rain sa ER at ngayon lamang lumabas si Doc. Apolinar, ang neurologist na may hawak kay Rain.
"He is stable, for now, Maxx. But I can't guarantee you that he'll be forever safe. The more we let that bullet stay on his head, the more chances he can be critical. We can't just rely on the painkillers I gave him. Like what I always advise you, he needs to undergo to an operation. That bullet needs to be remove. But still, it's your decision to make. So please, do think about it... If you have nothing to ask, please excuse me," mahabang paliwanang ni Doc. Apolinar tapos ay lumakad papalayo.
I remained standing at the front of ER's door, trying to absorb everything that Dr. Apolicar just said. A tear escaped from my eyes, watering my pale cheeks. I felt like someone just slapped me with a million-paged-book-it fucking sucks.
Kapag sumang-ayon ako sa operasyong sinasabi ng doktor, malaki ang posibilidad na hindi maka-survive ang kambal ko dahil sa maliit lang ang success rate ng mga ganitong kaso. At kapag patuloy ko namang hinyaan ang bala sa ulo niya, may posibilidad na ikamatay niya na lang ito ng bigla. Lahat ng mga paraang pagpipilian ay parehong may kaakibat na panganib na hindi ko kayang sugalan. Si Rain na lang ang mayroon ako ngayon-at hindi ko kayang isugal ang buhay niya sa mga walang kasiguraduhang paraan para patuloy siyang mabuhay. I can't afford losing my twin. Not today, not tomorrow, not forever.
"Maxx, eat up." Blue handed me a white plastic with a foods and drinks on it.
When I saw Rain crying before he fainted because of the pain, I panicked–I don't know what to do. Luckily, Blue, Leslie, and Margo are there to help me.
I didn't bother getting the food and just groggily walked to the chairs lined on the waiting area then slouched on it. They followed then just stood at my face.
"Anong sabi ng doktor, Kuya?" panimula ni Leslie.
"Okay naman na siya, sa ngayon." I suppose to be happy knowing that he's now stable. But I can't find a room to be happy knowing that his health will deteriorate sooner or later. And what's worst is that we don't have the assurance that he'll live if we will use our last card–the operation.
"Is there a possibility that the operation will be successful? That he will be able to live again after it?" Blue asked.
"Yes, but–"
"A huge possibility that he will have amnesia." Margo cut me off. My eyes went downwards as I am trying to hide the tears falling on my cheeks.
Margo was right–there's still a chance that he will live. Pero kalakip nito ang posibilidad na maari niyang makalimutan ang lahat. At tutol si Rain dito–mas gugustuhin niya pa raw na mamatay dala ang mga ala-ala niya kaysa naman mamuhay ng may maraming nakaligtaan.
***
"Okay na ba pakiramdam mo?" usisa ko kay Rain na nakaratay ngayon sa hospital bed. Tumango naman siya at nginitian ako. Here he is again with his hobby-pretending to be okay even if he's not.
"Kasalanan 'to ni Troyve e! Papatayin ko talaga siya kapag nakita ko pa pagmumukha niya," naluluhang usal ko habang pinagmamasdan lang ang matamlay na kambal ko.
"Kuya, can you promise me one thing?"
"Ano 'yon, bunso?" Mula sa pagkakaupo ay tumayo ako at inilapit ang aking tainga sa kanya upang marinig ko pa ng maayos.
"Promise me that you will not hurt Troyve. Ayaw kong masira ang pagkakaibigan niyo."
If there's one thing that everyone likes about my twin, except from his almost-perfect physique, it's his pure heart. He is always like this kahit na siya pa 'yong sinaktan. I don't know if that's a good thing or is consider as a weakness.
I let out a heavy sigh and jumbled his hair with my hand.
"Okay, I promise that I will not hurt him. But about our friendship, I don't think so–he broke my cute twin's heart and that ends it," I joked.
Namuo ang nakakabingin katahimikan sa kwarto at nabasag lamang ito ng umalingawngaw ang boses ni Leslie pagpasok ng room.
Minsan talaga napapa-isip ako kung tao pa ba 'tong si Leslie at Margo. Si Blue lang kasi nakikita kong matino sa kanilang apat.
"Bakla!" Sigaw ni Leslie sabay pasok ng kwarto habang nasa likuran naman sina Margo at Blue.
"Lower down your voice, lady," I laughed.
"She's not a lady, Kuya, she's a living megaphone," pang-ookray ni Margo na agad namang sinamaan ng tingin ni Leslie. Yeah, they are the human version of Tom and Jerry.
"Feeling good, Moao?" Umupo si Blue sa sofa at sumandal dito habang nakade-kuwatro ang mga paa.
"He can be discharge now. Good thing dumating kayo, may makakatulong ako," sambat ko.
"Good thing I also brought my car."
"So ito na nga 'yong tea, 'di ba nagtake ka ng scholarship exam sa school namin?" pakikipag-usap ni Leslie kay Rain na siya namang kumuha ng atensiyon ko. Rain just nodded.
"Dalawa lang ang nakapasa, at isa ka doon!" naghuhumiyaw na usal ni Leslie.
Hindi na ako nabibigla-alam kong makakapasa talaga si Rain. We may be identical twin pero may pagkakaiba pa rin kami-at isa na doon ang katalinuhan. Ahead ako ng ilang minuto sa kanya pero mas ahead pa siya sa akin sa kaalaman. He's a studious kid that's why.
Ibinaling ko ang aking mata kay Rain at nakitang sapilitan lamang ang ngiting nasa kanyang labi ngayon. I can't blame him for that. He was so attached with Troyve. And that attachment can't just be easily remove.
"Congrats, bunso!" I kissed him on his head. "Get ready, we are going home."
Rain's POV
"Pektusan ko kaya pinagmamayabang mong obaryo? Tingnan natin kung mabuntis ka pa ng pinapantasya mong crush na 'di ka naman pinapansin." pangkakantiyaw ni Margo kay Leslie.
"Patanggal mo 'yang betlog mo Melvino tapos ilagay mo sa ulo mo, gawin mong utak. Wala ka kasi niyan," ganti naman ni Leslie.
Now I'm regretting why did I let these two be with me.
"Let's just act like we are not with them. Nakakahiya." Bulong sa akin ni Blue hawak nakahawak sa braso ko. Si Leslie at Margo naman ay nasa harapan namin at nagbabangayan.
Maganda rin pala minsang magkabarkada ng baliw-kasi dahil sa kanila nakakalimutan, kahit sandali lang, 'yong mga iniisip ko.
"Tara sa bookstore Moao." Humarap sa akin si Blue, at akmang hihilain na sana ako ng biglang may nakabangga sa kanya. Natapunan ng cola ang blue button-up na suot ni Blue. At nagmistula naman akong estatwa na hindi makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko.
"Gago ka ba?" Akmang susuntukin ni Blue ang lalakeng nakatapon sa kanya ng cola. Mabuti na lamang at nakatakbo sina Leslie at Margo sa kanya at napigilan ito.
"This is a mall, not a motel. Now if you want to flirt your gayfriend, there's a motel at the building next to this. Go and reserve for a room. PDA's not allowed here." Then he left.
Gwapo sana 'yong hapones na 'yon, gago nga lang.
"Bili muna tayo ng masusuout mo bago tayo bumili ng mga school supplies ko." usal ko.
Kita ko ang pagkunot ng noo ni Blue na siya namang nagpangiti sa'kin. Isa sa mga nakakalitong ugali niya, madali siyang mainis sa lahat pwera sa'kin.