"Iiwan mo rin pala ako."
I told him bitterly while staring at his face. He shook his head and sent me a pleading look.
I held my chest when I felt my heart clenching because of the thought that he will leave me. Not just me, he's also going to leave this country.
I imagined that we would achieve our dreams together. It's fine if he studies at a different university here, but he was planning on studying abroad.
Far from me.
Miles away from me.
"Humahanap pa ako ng tiyempo kung kailan ko sasabihin." His lips pursed after telling me that calmly.
He's still waiting for the right moment?
"Kailan 'yon? Kung kailan nakaalis ka na?" I scoffed and shook my head in disbelief.
There was no right timing. You will never when you will be ready. It's all about courage and he... doesn't have one.
There was no such thing as perfect timing. You'll never know when you'll be ready. It's all about courage, and he... doesn't have one.
The worst part is that I learned about it from other people rather than from his own mouth. Kung hindi pa sasabihin ng kaibigan niya, hindi ko pa malalaman.
Don't I have the right to know?
I returned my gaze to him before speaking up and asking him a question.
"Aren't you happy here? Aren't you happy to be with me?" Puno ng hinanakit ang boses na sambit ko.
Pain crossed his eyes upon hearing me. If he's hurt then I am, too!
I'll be left alone for the second time.
"I am, Faye. You can feel it, right?" He painfully asked me back.
"Then why are you suddenly leaving?" I didn't realize that my eyes are already watering.
"We can continue our relationship even if I move to another country, right?" He asked hopefully, but didn't bother answering my question.
Bakit niya iniiwasan? Bakit hindi niya ako mabigyan ng kasagutan?
Is he hiding something from me?
"Don't you know how hard it is to be in a long distance relationship?" Tanong ko habang unti-unting tumutulo ang luha mula sa aking mga mata. Kaagad ko itong pinunasan gamit ang likod ng aking kamay.
"I do, but I know that we will get through it. Uuwi pa rin naman ako rito para sa 'yo."
I sarcastically laughed. "Long-distance relationships do not work for the majority of couples."
The emotions on his face were all gone now. "We're not them, Faye." He coldly responded.
Natigilan ako at napaisip. He has a point... but what if it wouldn't really work?
"I'm sorry if I didn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry if you have to know it from other people instead of me." He whispered as he held my hands gently.
"Why can't you just stay here?" I was almost begging to him. I'm close to getting on my knees.
I need him. I can't afford to be away from him. I told myself that I wouldn't let another person to leave me again.
"Because..." He couldn't even continue what he was going to say.
"Tell me!"
I waited for him to speak up, but he remained silent while standing for several minutes. His grip on me began to loosen.
"Don't bother talking to me if you're going to continue being a coward." That was the last thing I said before walking away from him.
If he has his reasons, he should tell me and I'll try to understand them. Hindi 'yung nagmumukha akong tanga kahihintay sa wala.
I waited for him to follow me, but he didn't, so I went straight home. Nakuha ko naman na ang mga gamit ko kanina pa at naghihintay na rin sa akin si Kuya Danny sa parking lot.
I was on my way to my room in our house when I ran into Maggie.
"Have you eaten, Freinne?" She's treating me well again.
Hindi pa rin ako sanay. Nakakapanibago.
I swallowed the lump in my throat before shaking my head.
"I ordered pizza, come with me to the dining room." She invited but I looked at her straight in the eyes.
"No, thanks. I'm full."
I lied. I haven't eaten since lunch because I've been too preoccupied with reviewing.
"Wait." When I tried to turn my back on her, she held my pulse to stop me.
"What?" I asked, annoyed now.
"Did you cry? Your eyes are swollen." I don't know why I heard a hint of worry in her calm voice.
Dati naman wala siyang pakialam. Mas gusto niya pa ngang nakikitang umiiyak ako, hindi ba?
"A cockroach has just bitten my eyes." I made a lame excuse.
Her brows slowly frowned. "Cockroach in our school?"
My heart pounded hard because she didn't believe my explanation. My knees wobbled and I just felt myself falling to the floor.
Napatulala ako sa kawalan at natawa habang iniisip ang nangyari kanina lang.
"He's going to leave me." I muttered, not caring if my sister heard it.
"H-he?" Shock was written all over her face when I looked up.
"I have a boyfriend." I admitted.
Lalo pang nanlaki ang mga mata niya roon. She used both of her palms to cover her mouth, I couldn't blame her.
"Oh my, God, Freinne."
She knelt to look me in the eyes. Maggie carefully asked while holding my arms.
"Why would he leave you?"
"He's going to New York for college."
Ikinuwento ko sa kaniya ang nangyari at napag-usapan kanina.
Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako umamin sa kaniya. I hope she wouldn't tell our parents, but... is my trust really slowly returning as a result of what she has shown me over the last few months?
"Bakit siya pupunta roon? He can just stay and study here, right?" She curiously questioned.
I shrugged my shoulders and laughed bitterly.
"That's what I couldn't get, he didn't even tell me, but he insisted on keeping our relationship going even though he was going abroad."
"He should've told you so you could try to understand."
That's exactly what I was thinking, but Zillian didn't bother to explain his point of view. That made me really mad.
"I know how to brighten your mood!" Maggie exclaimed as I looked at her, puzzled.
I have no idea what she was thinking when she dragged me out of our house. I was simply allowing her to do so.
I noticed that we were leaving the subdivision. We crossed the street and came to a halt in front of a convenience store.
"Here we go!" She smiled at me before entering the store through the glass door.
Pumunta kami sa fridge kung saan nandoon ang iba't-ibang mga ice cream. Binuksan niya 'yon at kumuha ng dalawang small-sized cup. She gave me the chocolate flavor, while she chose the cookies and cream.
She still remembers my favorite flavor.
We used to eat ice cream whenever we were feeling down.
"Let's pay for these na." I followed her on the counter.
Walang masyadong tao kaya't nakapagbayad agad kami. Pumwesto kami sa isang table sa gilid ng bintana upang kumain.
"Would you like to try this?" she asked, pointing to her ice cream.
I scooped some ice cream and stuffed it into my mouth. It tastes great!
"You want some?" I offered mine.
She nodded with a smile on her face before scooping.
"Let's get out of here!" I said, almost panicking because of the person who just entered the store!
It was Zillian!
After only a few seconds, Halton followed!
"But why?" Maggie inquired, perplexed. She looked in the direction in which my gaze was fixed.
"Do you know them?" Hininaan niya ang kaniyang boses nang tanungin 'yon.
"The one in the white hoodie was Zillian," I said, lowering my voice so they wouldn't hear me.
They're just near our area for Pete's sake!
"Oh my, gosh! You have a good taste in men!" She proudly dictated and even chuckled.
I gave her a glare because she could still say that in this situation! She even paid attention to Zillian's features!
"Ate!" Pananaway ko ngunit parehas kaming natigilan sa aking iminutawi.
I called her 'Ate'.
"Please, call me that again." She pleaded sincerely.
I bit my lips before looking away. No one talked between the two of us. She's waiting for me to say it again, but I'm already embarrassed.
"Dami niyan, bro." I heard Halton spoke so I darted my eyes at them.
Zillian was stuffing chocolates into the basket he had near the counter. He gave Halton a sidelong glance before responding.
"These are all for Faye."
My heart thumped loudly, but then I remembered I was mad at him, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes in the air.
"Who's Faye?" My sister inquired.
"That's me. He created that nickname."
She gasped upon hearing that.
I was holding my breath until the two guys finally left the convenience store. Buti na lang hindi nila ako napansin!
We also left and went back home after finishing our ice creams.
"Freinne, oh." Mel placed two chocolate drink in front of me.
We're currently having lunch with Tyra at the canteen. Jia was absent due to a fever, so the three of us were the only ones here today.
"Thanks." I smiled at her before inserting the straw and sipping the drink.
"Ito pa, oh. This is also for you." Tyra handed me a plastic bag, I checked it and saw a white food box.
I opened it only to see a tapsilog.
"Where did you get this tapsilog? Wala namang tindang ganito rito." I asked, obviously confused.
They both exchanged glances. They were unsure how to respond. I was staring at the meal when I noticed a sticky note.
'Can we talk now? I missed you already.'
Kilalang-kilala ko kung sino ang may sulat.
It was Zillian's penmanship.
I looked around and saw him outside the canteen, arms crossed while staring at my direction.
I could see the longing in his eyes.
I looked away and shook my head before eating the meal he gave.
I'm mad at him, but I don't have plans on wasting food.
It has been a week since that incident occurred. Isang linggo na rin siyang nagbibigay ng sticky note, asking me if we could talk. Hindi ako pumapayag dahil masama pa rin ang loob ko.
"A week had passed since you two had a fight." Tyra dictated in the middle of eating.
I just glanced at her and didn't even open my mouth.
"You sure you still don't want to talk it out?" Mel couldn't help but to ask, too.
I set down my spoon before answering their question.
"I still don't feel like talking to him." They nodded and finally stopped questioning me.
I knew Zillian was asking them for a favor, which was to try to persuade me to finally talk to him. Hindi naman nila ako mapipilit dahil may sarili akong desisyon. I don't want anyone telling me what I should do.
I'll be the one to reach out if I want to.
"I'll go back to our room, thanks for the time." I stood up after eating.
I need to return as soon as possible because we are having a quiz. Yesterday, our teacher reminded us to review.
Nahahati na tuloy ang oras ko sa pagrereview para sa mga entrance exam at sa last periodical test namin dahil malapit na rin 'yon.
The school day ended without him having the opportunity to speak with me.
I received a text once I got home.
From: Zill
Isn't your entrance exam for Ateneo and La Salle next week? Good luck, I'm rooting for you.
I sighed when I read his text.
Hindi na siya susubok sa ibang university. He's really going to study in New York and leave me here.
"Kinakabahan kayo?" Mel asked when we finally saw each other on the university we will be taking an entrance test.
We all have the same schedule, so we had the opportunity to meet here. We've arrived at the building where the exam will take place.
I brought a tote bag with me, which contained my folder, scratch papers, pencils, eraser, and a pen. I also brought my hydro flask because I couldn't go a half hour without drinking water.
"Kinda, because of Mathematics." I answered honestly.
"Same! Weakness ko rin 'yon." Tyra agreed on me as she heaved a deep sigh.
Mel pouted and also nodded. "Me, too. Good luck talaga sa atin!"
Magkakaiba kami ng room kaya't mas lalo akong kinabahan.
The room had central air conditioning. Fortunately, I had brought a jacket with me. It was also advisable to bring one.
The people around me were serious and quiet. The silence was deafening.
When the proctor handed out the questionnaires with the scantron sheets, I immediately read the questions on the English test.
It was easy so I finished earlier than expected. Sumunod na rin ang iba at sa Math lang ako nagtagal, but I still managed to pass on time.
Tila nabunutan ako ng tinik noong matapos na at makalabas ng exam room.
I just hope I'll pass.
The girls and I decided to eat at a fast food restaurant as a mini-celebration for surviving the first university.
Sa isang araw naman ang schedule ko sa La Salle. Next month pa ang sa UST at UP Diliman.
I was in the middle of reviewing when I got a text from him again.
From: Zill
Congrats in advance! I know you did great earlier. You will pass on that university for sure. Proud of you always, amor.
Mabilis lang na lumipas ang mga araw at nakapagtake na rin ako ng DCAT or the DLSU College Admission Test.
After a day had passed and it was Saturday, I decided to take the day off because I felt like my brain had been shaken by the exams I had taken this week.
My phone, which was on the side table, rang as I was staring at the ceiling of my bed.
An unknown number was flashed on the screen so I was hesitant to answer the call.
I answered it when the caller didn't stop.
"Hello? Who's this?"
[Freinne, this is your Tita Zelline.]
It was Zillian's mom!
I'm not sure why she called so suddenly, or how she got my phone number.
"Hello, Tita. Why did you call if you don't mind?" I asked in a nice manner.
[I'd like to talk to you about something, hija. Are you available today?] Her voice was soothing as always.
Nakakahiyang tumanggi.
"Yes, Tita."
[I'll send you the adress. See you, Freinne. I missed you, by the way.]
My lips automatically formed into a smile when she said that. I also told her that I missed her, Zach and Ate Zenna.
Tita Zell sent me the location of the coffee shop where we will meet. It was just nearby.
I just changed my clothes into a pencil cut black skirt and a white puffed top before leaving the house to see Zillian's mom.
Nakita ako ng kapatid ko kaya't wala akong nagawa kundi sabihin kung saan ako pupunta. She said she'd just cover for me if our parents tried to find me.
I opened the coffee shop's glass door. I looked around and came to a halt when I noticed Tita Zell sitting on a two-seater table, her phone in her hand.
I took a deep breath before heading to her direction.
"Tita." Her face lit up when she finally saw me.
She stood up from her seat to kiss my cheeks. I hugged her lightly and tapped her back.
"Take a seat, Freinne. You're getting more beautiful everyday." She sincerely commented as she stared at my face.
"Thanks, Tita. What do you want to talk about po pala?"
I got confused when her smile turned into a sad one.
"We need to go back to New York."
Napalunok ako nang sabihin niya 'yon. I didn't expect we'd be talking about that matter.
"I'm not certain if my son already told you about it." She put her hand above mine that's why my gaze stopped there.
"He already did, Tita Zell."
"His father was sick. He has a heart disease that has worsened. He had a heart attack last month and again last week. We need to go to New York to look after him. Zill wanted to stay here, but his father begged to see him."
Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Tita Zell. I didn't know that their father was suffering from a disease. He never told me.
"Thank you for telling me that, Tita. I'd been avoiding him for two weeks now. Medyo masama po kasi ang loob ko dahil hindi niya sinabi ang dahilan." Pag-amin ko naman.
Pero ngayong alam ko na, naiintindihan ko na siya. Siguro ay mabigat para sa kaniyang sabihin 'yon dahil na rin sa pag-aalala. Dumagdag pa ako.
Tita Zell gave me a genuine smile. "That's normal, I understand you."
"I'm going to see him tomorrow. Please, don't tell that I'll be there." She chuckled and agreed.
"A surprise, huh?" She teased but I just smiled.
I mentally prepared myself for tomorrow, planning out what I'd say to him. I will apologize first for my actions towards him.
When the oven made a sound, indicating that I had finished baking the chocolate cookies, I stood up from sitting on the high stool in the kitchen.
I opened the oven and took the cookies out. I was wearing a pair of thick gloves to protect myself from the heat.
I smiled when I tasted one of the cookies. I put the cookies inside of a black box and tied the ribbon.
He'll like this for sure.
Before going to my room to change my clothes, I removed the apron from my body.
I was dressed simply in high-waisted jeans and a beige tank top, partnered with a sneakers. I put my hair in a bun and applied a minimal makeup.
I knocked on my sister's room when I headed out, holding a tote bag containing the cookies.
"Where are you going again, Freinne?"
"Uh, to Zill's house. Can you drive me there?" She gave me a knowing look and even poked my waist.
Napalayo ako dahil sa kiliti.
"You're going to make things up finally!" She stated and even clapped because of joy.
Tuwang-tuwa siya sa tinuran ko.
She has also been urging me to speak with Zill for quite some time now. Nothing would happen if I kept my distance from him, she said.
"I'll just get my keys." Mabilis lang niyang nahanap 'yon kaya't dumiretso na kami sa garahe.
The gate opened automatically. She maneuvered the car away when I finally put on my seat belt.
I told her the way on Zill's home.
"You can leave me now. Thanks!" I told her as I went out. Nakabukas ang bintana niya at nakapark ang sasakyan malapit kina Zill.
"I'll just leave kapag alam kong ayos na kayo." Wala na akong nagawa dahil hindi ko naman siya mapipigilan.
I ran and stopped in front of Zill's house.
My face lit up and my heart raced when I saw his back.
But what is he doing outside?
I flashed a smile but it instantly faded when I saw that he was talking to someone.
I tried to see who it was.
Torri.
Tears are falling from her eyes as she talked to Zillian.
When I saw how worried my boyfriend was, I felt like my chest had been stabbed a million times.
Torri slowly wrapped her arms around him.
Zill was stunned but eventually returned her hug..
Hindi ko namalayang kanina pa rin ako lumuluha rito dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman. Nabitawan ko ang tote bag na hawak-hawak bago unti-unting tinakpan ang bibig dahil nagsisimula na ang paglabas ng hikbi ko roon.
"How can you do that to me?" I spoke and let my tears to still roll down my cheeks.
Zillian turned slowly to see me. His eyes instantly rounded upon seeing me. He's shocked because he got caught.
I saw how Torri looked at me while wearing a smirk.
"Freinne." Zillian called my name.
"It's not what you think." He tried explaining when he ran towards me.
I don't know what to think anymore. My heart is just hurting.
He's having an affair to the girl he told me not to worry about before.
"I saw it with my own eyes. I don't fucking need your explanation." Mariin kong sabi habang nanginginig pa ang labi.
My sight is getting blurry but I still managed to slap his face with my palm.
I saw how Torri's mouth gaped open when he heard the sound that my palm made.
My jaw tightened and my hands formed into a fist while eyeing her.
"Mag-usap tayo. Don't conclude things in instant, please." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko ngunit tinabig ko siya gamit ang natitirang lakas ko.
"I don't think I can manage to hear your shitty explanation, Zillian. We're done. I'm done with you. I went here to make things up with you because I already found out the reason why you're leaving, but I don't even care now if you're going abroad or be with that girl!" I shouted and pointed at Torri who was just watching us.
"There was no something going on between us. Believe me, Faye. I was just comforting her. I was also surprised when she went---"
"Comforting or flirting?" I cut him off before slapping him one more time.
I walked away but stopped midway to turn my head.
Tears also started rolling down his cheeks as he watched me. Those were fake.
I nearly gave him a round of applause because of how good his acting was.
"Kailan mo ba ako papakinggan?"
Imbis na sagutin siya ay iba ang sinabi ko habang mapait na nakangiti.
"I didn't know that you're a cheater."