“Bakit hindi mo sinampal man lang?! Kahit sabunot, hindi mo ginawa?!” She stood up and pulled her hair in frustration. “Dapat kasi pinayagan mo ’kong sumama sa ’yo para may back up ka! Oh, tingnan mo ngayon, ikaw na nga ang agrabyado, ikaw pa ang minamali nila!”
“Raine, calm down. Mas lalo lang siyang iiyak niyan…” I heard Denise whispered. “Let’s just comfort her. She’ll appreciate it more.”
Nakarinig pa ako ng ilang mga mura mula kay Raine bago siya bumalik sa pagkakaupo sa tabi ko. “Hiniwalayan mo naman na, ’di ba? Tama?”
I inhaled deeply before nodding. “Y-Yes…”
Marahas ko ring pinunasan ang mga pisngi kong basang basa na. Even my eyes are now blurry because of my non-stop crying. What can I do? All I could feel right now is anger sadness, and the needles on my heart… Triple na rin ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon kaysa noong nag-aaway pa lang kami.
“How could he say that to you? Hah! He just threw away your years of relationship for just an accusation? How stupid!”
I rested my head on the table. Ang sakit na ng ulo ko sa kaiiyak pero hindi pa rin ako matigil. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na talaga ako matitigil pa.
“He’s not the Sky that I loved…”
“Jen… you can keep on crying. We’re here…”
Mas lalo kong naramdaman ang sakit at mas lalong umagos ang mga luha ko nang maramdaman ang pagkakayakap ni Denise mula sa likuran ko.
“Ang biglaan lang kasi,” I wiped my tears again. “He promised to come back and marry me…” My voice broke when I remembered how he proposed to me. “How could things go upside down just like that?”
I scoffed bitterly when that woman’s face flashed on my mind. She’s still into him… and he’s dumb enough to not realize that— or he know. He just used it for us to broke up. I don’t know anymore…
“Hindi mo siya deserve, Jen. ’Wag kang mag-alala, kapag nakapag move-on ka na, ako mismo gagawa ng listahan para sa mga irereto ko!”
I couldn’t help but smile a little. I looked at them, even if my eyes are really blurry, I smiled. I am really thankful to have them by my side…
“Bakit lahat na lang ng minamahal ko, hindi ako ang priority?” I chuckled bitterly.
Ramdam ko ang pagtahimik nilang dalawa. I know they’re looking at each other even if I can’t see them clearly.
“Jen, don’t look at it like that.”
I smiled at her and shook my head. “No, Den. I need to look at it like this, because it’s true.” I looked down when I realized that I am crying hardly again. “Fist, Vince… then Sky… Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal ng taong hindi ako sasaktan?”
I had a trust issue after Vince cheated on me, and Sky helped me to conquer it… but now, I realized that he’s not different. Pareho silang hindi pinapahalagahan ang nararamdaman ko.
“Jen, they are just assholes! ’Wag mong sisihin ang sarili mo.” Raine held my hand and squeezed it. “Look at me. Jen, look at me…” She kept on calling my name until I looked at her. “Trust me, you deserve the world— no, you deserve the whole galaxy! Hindi lang talaga ’yang Sky na ’yan ang para sa ’yo kaya siguro ganito… ’Wag mong iisiping nasa iyo ang mali, kasi hindi. Ikaw ang nag-iisang tama sa naging relasyon niyo.”
“If that’s really true, then why didn’t he trusted me enough?” I could heard my own sobs so I tried to cover my mouth.
“Jen, let your cry be heard… Mas gagaan ang pakiramdam mo.”
I slowly removed my hand and I could hear my sobs again. Ramdam ko rin ang mabilis nilang pagyakap sa akin na naging dahilan upang mas lalo akong maiyak.
Ang sakit na talaga… Ang ilang taong relasyon namin, nasira lang ng ganito kadali dahil sa hindi niya pagtitiwala sa akin…
“Jen, remember that you’re worthy of love. Lahat tayo, deserve natin ang pahalagahan… Don’t… Don’t…”
I saw how Denise tried to prevent herself from tearing, but she didn’t succeed. Kung kanina ay sila ang yumayakap sa akin, ngayon naman ay ako na.
I know we all have different challenges, and I know how difficult her life is right now… Maging si Raine ay nahihirapan. Lahat kami. All of us are hurting in different ways…
“Here,” Inilapag niya ang isang mangkok ng sabaw sa harapan ko. “Alam kong kagigising mo lang, pero kailangan mo nang kumain. Kahapon ng umaga pa ang huli mong kain, Jen. Hinang hina ka na.”
I smiled weakly before trying to sit on my bed. Nandito kami ngayon sa kuwarto ko dahil pinilit nila akong patulugin kanina. Alam kasi nilang hindi pa ako nakakatulog simula nang makabalik ako ng Pilipinas.
“Salamat,”
“Ako ang nagluto.”
Denise entered my room and pointed at herself proudly. She’s also smiling happily. I couldn’t see her sadness anymore, and that scares me. Magaling siyang magtago ng mga problema niya…
“And, Jen, someone put this box of sweets in front of your door. May binili ka ba? Mukhang masarap din, ah?”
Tinanggap ko ang iniabot niyang maliit na paperbag na may lamang isang maliit na box ng chocolate, katulad ng sinabi niya.
I suddenly remembered him again… Hindi pa rin talaga siya tumitigil sa pagbibigay ng ganito.
“Kanino galing?” Denise asked.
“Ewan. Walang nakalagay na note o kung ano, eh. Baka may gusto na agad na manligaw! ’Wag muna, iniiyakan mo pa ’yung isa— Aray!”
“Don’t mention him already,” Denise whispered at Raine, but I couldn’t hear her clearly.
“May kailangan ka pa ba? Pagtapos mo riyan sa pagkain, gusto mong lumabas tayo? Mag g-grocery kami ni Denise mamaya kasi wala ng laman ang fridge mo. Baka lang kasi gusto mong magpahangin sa labas. Ilang araw ka na rin kasing nagkukulong dito…”
I looked down on my soup and think for a little while. “I don’t think… I could go with you later. But thank you for doing the groceries.” I tried to smile genuinely.
“Oh, sige na, ubusin mo na ’yan tapos matulog ka na ulit. Ang lalim na talaga ng eye bags mo. Hindi ka na naman makakapasok niyan.”
I nodded slowly while biting my lower lip.
“Si Von pala nagtext kanina sa ’kin. He will try to visit you later if he got out early.”
“He don’t have to.” Masyado ko na talaga silang naaabala. May kaniya-kaniya kaming mga buhay, pero dahil sa problema ko ay mas lalo ko lang silang napapahirapan. “Pasabi namang ’wag na siyang pumunta. Alam kong busy kayo. ’Wag na lang—”
“Oh, too late,” Raine walked towards the door when the bell rang. “He’s here!” she shouted after opening the front door.
“Kamusta, people?” I heard him energetically shouted. “Nasa’n ang kaibigan nating malaya na? Nandito ka pala!” He’s smiling widely while walking towards my direction.
Denise and I looked at each other and slightly smiled. Napaka energetic kasi talaga ngayon ni Von.
“Tara na, Den. Von, samahan mo muna si Jen. Bababa lang kami saglit.”
“Naman!” He sat in the corner of my bed and slowly laid on my bed. “Ang lambot ng kama! Halatang mayaman!”
“Tumigil ka nga,” Hindi ko na napigilan ang mapangiti. He really is one of a kind. Nakakahawa ang energy niya. “Umupo ka ng maayos. Nadadag-anan mo na ang paa ko.”
He chuckled before sitting. “Kamusta? Anong gusto mo? Kumain ka na? Ay, kumakain ka na pala.” He chuckled as he looked on my bowl. “Matulog ka na ulit pagtapos niyan. ’Di ba sinabi ko sa ’yong magpahinga ka ng maayos? Hindi mo sinusunod ang doktor mo?” He raised his right eyebrow.
“Stop it,” Napailing na lang ako bago sumandal sa kama ko. “Ang corny mo.”
Napatawa kaming muli.
“But seriously, do you need anything? Or gusto mo bang pag-usapan? Ayaw kong mamilit, pero kung gusto mo naman…”
His smile slowly faded. Napalitan ang nakaloloko niyang ngiti ng seryoso at nag-aalalang itsura niya.
“I… don’t want to talk about it again, yet…”
Alam kong magang maga na ang mga mata ko, at siguradong hindi ko na naman mapipigilan ang mapaiyak kapag nabuksang muli ang usapan. Pagod na ako. Pagod na pagod na ako…
“Sige—” Pareho kaming nagulat nang tumunog ang doorbell. “Ang bilis naman ’ata nilang bumalik?” he asked. “Saglit lang,”
I nodded. My eyes followed him while he’s walking towards my room door.
Bakit nga ang bilis nila?
“Bakit kayo bumalik—” Von’s voice got cut and it looked like he was taken aback by his sudden stop on talking. “Bakit nandito ka?”
I was alarmed when I heard how his voice changed. Patanong ito, ngunit mukhang may pagkatataka at paghihinala rin sa boses niya.
Mabilis akong tumayo at sumunod sa kaniya. I don’t know who’s outside, but I have a hunch, and it’s not a good guess.
“Sino—” I knew it. “Why?”
I fixed my posture as I look at him. May bahid ng pagkagulat ang itsura niya ngayon, at alam ko kung bakit.
I look like a mess.
“I… need to give this papers to you.” Itinaas niya ang dalang paperbag na may lamang maraming dokumento. “Your manager said that you need to check this. Hindi ka raw sumasagot sa mga emails kaya baka hindi mo nakita.”
I could feel how Von’s gaze went at me and to Vince, and vice versa.
Ramdam ko ang pagbigat ng pakiramdam ko, pero nagawa ko pa ring maglakad papalapit sa kaniya. Kinuha ko ang iniabot niya at tumango. I even managed to look at him confidently. Kahit na alam kong hindi ako maayos tingnan ngayon ay wala akong pakialam. I don’t know why, I just do feel like it…
“Thank you,” sambit ko bago siya tinalikuran.
My heart beats so much faster while I’m walking towards my room. Alam ko ring sinusundan niya ako ng tingin dahil ramdam ko na may nakatingin sa akin.
“Does her boyfriend hurt her?” rinig ko.
Binagalan ko ang paglalakad nang marinig ang binulong niya.
“I can’t say anything, Vince. Just trust what you saw,” Von replied.
“She…”
His deep concern voice made my heart beats like a horse.
“She?”
“She don’t deserve this…”
I sighed heavily before walking fast towards my room. My tears fell immediately as I closed my door. Bumibigat na naman ang pakiramdam ko. I couldn’t breathe properly again.
Yes, I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve someone that treat me like this. I don’t deserve to be hurt and left like this…