Weeks passed, I managed to survived school with my mind fixated toward Archie. Nasa ospital pa rin siya habang kami ni Chantelle, bumalik na sa pag-aaral.
I also poured all my time with practice. Finally, Archie’s done with his version of Miley Cyrus’ When I Look at You. Hearing Archie’s voice, I could say that he poured every single emotion he has in this song. It was beyond perfect. I could not help but ache for him every time the song played at the background during my practice.
Konting polishing na lang din ang kulang sa dance steps ko at makakabisado ko na ang aking dance routine. My papers were all secured and ready, emotions na lang ang hindi dahil hindi ko pa rin magawang maging excited sa nalalapit na pag-alis ko.
How could I?
Ate Kora even presented to come with me but I asked her to stay and be with the Jalandoni’s. Kahit presensya lang niya maramdaman ni Archie.
Hinihingal na pinindot ko ang pause button ng speaker na dala ko at agad na uminom ng tubig.
Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pag-iiom nang biglang pumasok si Chantelle sa dance room. Agad na binundol ng kakaibang kaba ang dibdib ko lalo na’t hinihingal siyang lumapit sa akin.
“We need to be at the hospital. Quick!”
Life was really full of uncertainty. It was the master of all deceit and pain. Life knew exactly how to play the game that people were not good at.
My heartbeat was beyond fast. I couldn’t find the right words to describe it. All I knew is that, I’m scared.
“Mom!” Chantelle burst out while running to her mother’s direction when we finally arrived in the VIP floor.
“Oh, sweetie!” Tita Chara embraced her daughter in a full hug. She glanced at me and gave me a reassuring smile. I smiled back and heaved a deep sigh. I wanted to see Archie so bad.
“G-Good evening po, Tita.” Tita Chara took my right hand and grasped it. The moment her hand touched mine, I almost cried. It was very warm and I felt safe. It was as if she’s telling me that everything will be fine.
It’s been years since I last felt the warmth of a mother. Na-miss ko bigla si Mama.
“He’s peacefully sleeping inside the ICU… for almost three days now.” pumiyok si Tita at napatutop pa sa kanyang bibig. Agad naman siyang dinaluhan ni Tito Allen na kanina pa tahimik na niyayakap si Chantelle.
Archie’s asleep for three days? And he was in the ICU? Was he… was he in a coma? Bakit hindi man lang agad sinabi sa amin ni Nana?
No way! He was healthy when we left! What happened?
NAKASUOT ako ng blue lab gown, blue medical cap and another blue surgical mask. Sa TV ko lang ito napapanuod noon, ngayon parang ako na ang bida sa sarili kong pelikula.
Domoble ang bilang ng mga medical machine na nakapalibot sa hospital bed ni Archie. Ang iba, pamilyar sa akin, samantalang bago naman sa paningin ko ang iba pa.
Seeing him in this state broke my heart into pieces. I wanted to go near him but my feet moved backward. One single tear escaped from my left eye.
I looked up to suppress more tears from falling before taking in one long agonizing breath and looked at my sleeping prince.
Finally, I reached his bed. I sat down on the available chair and held his hand; it was cold as ice. My sight travelled to his pale face; it was as white as a blank canvass.
If only kisses were true. I would kiss him this instant just to wake him up. But I knew for a fact that fairytale was only made for kids and we’re already beyond that phase.
Anong nangyari? Parang kailan lang, masaya kami sa isla. Parang kailan lang, nag-aaway pa kami, nagsigawan at nagkabati.
Bakit ngayon, ang lamig-lamig na ng kamay niya at ayaw nang magising?
“Archie… thank you for giving me a dose of my own fairytale. I enjoy every second of it. And I will value more seconds with you. I’ll settle with one upon a time. I don’t care about the happily ever after. Fine, give me a tragedy just… please wake up!”
I clasped his hand and held it near my lips as if my life depends on it.
“You told me to not let other people define my dreams for me. But right now, as of this moment… you are my dream, please come true…”
Napahagulhol na ako ng iyak habang hawak pa rin ang kamay niya. Paano kung hindi na siya magising?
Pero paano kung ang hinihingi naming isa pang pagkakataon na makasama siya ay katumbas naman ng paghihirap niya?
Were we being selfish to ask him to wake up? could I be selfish even just for five minutes? I just wanted him to hear me say how much I love him.
“Mahal na mahal kita. Thank you for seeing the woman in me and for loving everything that I am.”
Archie. He saw beyond what met the eyes and I love him for that.
I stayed there for more minutes. I couldn’t bear to let go of his hands. I reminisced every single moment spent with him, the worst and the best. Then, I realized, I grew and learned a lot from those moment I had with Archie. He brought out the best in me.
“May nagawa ba ako para sa’yo?”
Sana kahit papaano nag-effort man lang ako para mas makilala pa siya kasi feeling ko kulang pa ang mga nagawa ko, eh. I could’ve been sweeter. I could’ve been more of a girlfriend to him.
“Ate Kai.” Chantelle tapped my shoulder gently. My bloodshot eye met hers. She smiled at me but it does not reach her eyes.
“Hey…” I hold her hand on my shoulder tightly and mirrored her smile.
“I-I think this is the best time to give this to you.” Chantelle handed me an electric blue MP3 player with earphones attached to it.
“What’s this for?” Kunot-noong tinanggap ko iyon at naguguluhang tinapunan ng tingin si Chantelle.
“Kuya asked me to give this to you if something unexpected happened. Binawi niya sa akin ‘yan last week. Nakita ko sa mga gamit niya. So, I figured out na ito na ang tamang panahon na marinig mo ang mga naka-record d’yan.”
Tumang-tango ako sa kuwento ni Chantelle habang tinititigan ang MP3 player. It felt cold in my palm but the mere mention of Archie’s recorded voice seemed to fuel up the fire in my veins.
“Thank you, Chan.” I wiped another single tear from my cheek.
Lumabas ako at binigyan si Chantelle ng pagkakataong ma-solo ang kapatid niya. Nadatnan ko sa labas ang parents nila. Tita Chara smiled at me and reached for my hand when they noticed me going out while Tito Allen just nodded his head at me knowingly.
“It’s going to be fine.” Tita Chara motioned me to sit next to her. Nagpalaam naman si Tito Allen na bibili muna ng maiinom.
“I hope he’ll wake up soon, Tita.”
“He’s a fighter, Kaia. I know my son has an unfinished business so he’ll definitely wake up.”
“He will,” I said with full conviction while spacing out.
“If only we could do something about his illness.” Naguguluhang napatingin ako sa direksyon ni Tita. Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin?
“Tita?” Meron naman kasing magagawa. Kaya nga nasa ospital kami ngayon ‘di ba? They also have the money for this.
“H-He made us promise to never ever put him under surgery again. He already accepted his fate a long a time ago, Kaia. Masakit para sa aming magulang niya na nakikita siyang nasasakan pero mas masakit ang katotohanang wala kaming puwedeng magawa dahil sa pangakong iyon.” Tita Chara burst out crying.
“It may sound unreasonable to give in to his plea. But as a parent, I knew that he’s also suffering more than us. Siya ang may karamdaman, eh. Sino kami para patagalin pa ang paghihirap niya?”
Biglang tumigil ang ikot ng mundo ko. Sa sinabi ni Tita Chara, daig ko pa ang binuhusan ng kumukulong tubig. Parang sinasabi nila na handa na silang i-give up si Archie.
Paano naman akong kakapasok pa lang sa buhay niya? Saan ang lugar ko? Ano ang papel ko?
No! He would wake up. I’m sure he would. And I would ask him to fight for his life.
I SAT on the cold wooden bench and inhaled the sweet March wind. I looked up and was welcomed by the sea of twinkling stars on the clear blue sky.
They were the exact opposite of the black galaxy inside my heart. Life’s really unfair.
I inhaled the floral sent that hang around the place because of the blooming flowers in the rooftop’s garden.
Damn it! The things around me right now contradicted my entire emotions.
My eyes landed on the MP3 player in my hand. I contemplated whether to listen to it or not. I felt scared at the same time excited to hear his voice again.
‘Ghorl! Ayusin mo desisyon mo sa buhay! Natutulog lang si Archie!’
I knew but it was a dangerous sleep. It was like a thief in the night, without you knowing it, it already took away a precious life.
I shivered at the thought and brushed it from my mind. No!
I pressed the on button and placed the earphones in my ears. I quivered the moment it touched my skin. My forehead knotted the moment my ears acknowledged a static sound. I pressed next then I heard a deep breathing. My heart hammered a thunderous beat.
“Baba!” I heard him said and laughed. Then a smile formed in my lips. He really loved calling me that. My smile grew wider when I remembered his explanation behind his endearment.
“It means… mahal ko…”
‘Lord, please grant me a wish. Give me a falling star please. I would definitely ask for Archie’s life. Was it too much?’
[“Meeting you was fate, baba. Your thoughts may wander to the day we met at the school’s gymnasium but no. It was not the first time for me to meet you,”] a glint of mischievousness was visible in his voice. I couldn’t help but knot my forehead. Saan niya ako unang nakita kung gano’n?
[“Funny because I’ve met you from the screen of my sister’s phone. You were graciously dancing to a Tiktok dance challenge as if it’s your last dance. You poured every emotion you have on that song. Right there and then, I found my one reason to continue living. Your dance awakens the desire in me to live a longer life. Shit, I’m such a walking cliché! Ayoko na!”] biglang nawala ang boses ni Archie.
Natawa ako dahil sa pamimintas na ginawad niya sa sarili pero kasabay no’n ang pagtakas ng isang luha sa mga mata ko.
So, all along, everything that happened was fate. It was fate that brought us together.
[“I’m here again, baba! I just want to say that… I love you so much! Mahalin mo na ako! I can’t wait to hear you say you love me!”] natatawang napailing na naman ako. I could imagine him pouting.
[“It’s painful, baba! My head hurts so much! Pero kakayanin ko para sa’yo. Kailangan mo pa ako. I could feel it already. You are starting to love yourself. After that, sana ako naman ang mahalin mo.]
“Mahal na nga kita eh!”
[“Before I met you, I’m scared of not waking up. But when I met you and fell in love with you, what scared me the most is the fact that I could leave you without a word. You made me strong, baba. I don’t want to leave you. I wish that it’s never too late yet.]
My soft muffled sob turned into a mad waterfall of tears. Gusto kong magwala, gusto kong magbasag ng gamit. Bakit? Bakit huli ko nang nalaman ang lahat ng ito?
Ang sakit-sakit na ng puso ko. Halos hindi na ako makahinga. We were just teenagers. Why did we have to encounter and suffer this level of pain? Why was fate unfair to us?
[“Baba! I made you cry. I am so sorry. I thought it was the most logical way to keep you from the inevitable pain but I still hurt you with my words. I was such an asshole. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko…”] I could hear him crying.
[“Tagal naman ng weekend! I miss you already, baba! But then again, being alone here in the hospital brought me to a realization. I am willing to take the surgery kahit walang kasiguraduhang magigising pa ako. With you, the fight is worth it. Please tell my parents or Chantelle that I will have the surgery. I might not wake up when they arrived. No matter what happens, in all lifetime, remember that I love you so much.”]
Agad na natigil ang pag-iyak ko dahil sa mga huling sinabi niya. Marahas kong pinunasan ang mga luhang walang tigil sa paglandas sa pisngi ko at inayos ang aking sarili.
Archie’s willing to take the surgery! Dali-dali akong tumayo at tumakbo pababa ng hospital. I need to tell his parents about this.
Nabuhayan ako ng pag-asa dahil sa mga huling sinabi niya. We would never let go, Archie!
“Tito!” hinihingal na sambit ko nang makarating sa private room ni Archie. They automatically gave me their attention when they noticed me approaching them.
“Why? What happened?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Tita Chara at dinaluhan ako. Concern was written all over her face.
“You have to listen to this.” With a trembling hand I pressed the play button of the MP3 player and let them listen to Archie’s words.
“OMG!” napatutop sa kanyang bibig si Chantelle at namimilog ang matang napatingin sa akin.
Nagkatinginan naman si Tita Chara at Tito Allen. Hope blossomed in their faces.
“Thank you so much, hija. Thank you for coming into our lives.” Tita Chara hugged me while Tito Allen tapped my shoulder.
‘Hold on, Archie. We’ll be with each other again!’
“Let me talk to his doctor first. Let’s schedule his surgery as soon as possible.” Tito Allen retreated to the door. Chantelle went after him.
I was left alone with Tita Chara inside the room. We both sat on the couch speechless but calm.
Parehong nabunutan ng tinik sa aming dibdib. Readying ourselves for the new challenge to face.
“Tita, I have something to tell you po…” Kanina habang pababa ako mula sa rooftop, nakapagdesisyon na ako nang walang pag-aalinlangan.
“I’m not going to Singapore. I will not push through with the dance competition. I’ll stay with Archie until the surgery’s finish po.” I just wanted to spend every second with him. He mattered more than anything in my life right now.
Tita Chara smiled at me and hold my hands before looking deep into my eyes. “Kaia, listen. Your dance competition is very important to Archie. He wouldn’t like it if you did not pursue your dreams because of him. Do not let other people hinder you from your dreams, remember?”
Tumango-tango ako. Nakuha ko naman ang gustong ipahiwatig ni Tita. Iyon din ang palaging sinasabi sa akin ni Archie. Pero paano ako makapag-focus kung ang puso ko nandito sa Pilipinas?
“Do it for Archie, hija.”
“F-for Archie…”