♱ •⋅ 1750 B.C. ⋅• ♱ •⋅ Elaine ⋅• ♱
"It’ll be okay" he repeated every time with that same damn smile "I really... really can’t anymore" he murmured "I still see her in my dreams, still... still..." Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he held that damn dagger in front of his chest "I can’t stand it anymore, Elaine... I just want... this to come to an end."
I wanted to stop it. I wanted to stop it, every time I wanted to stop it, but still... I still couldn’t.
I just stood there, smiling as he went through that damn dagger in his chest, I just stood there while the only being who seemed to be good, caring, careful and kind...
Morria.
For me, for... everything I made him do.
I killed him myself.
I destroyed it and then...
"It’ll be okay" his son repeated, such a small body, his eyes also had tears about to gush, but this time he just smiled at me - as if I had done him a favor "one day... maybe I can see you again" He said as that door closed and then everything started again.
Then I was back on the cold ground.
I was running away again, I was fighting again.
It was hard to breathe, it was hard to rest and I knew that even if I tried, I couldn’t avoid any of that. I’d get hit again, I’d get those scars again.
They would touch me again...
"Please... someone help me" I thought at first, maybe the first 17 times, but then? Then it became so "ordinary".
I’d see him again.
I would have those new days and then they would be taken away from me.
"Maybe if I try harder," I thought.
"Maybe if I’m really good," I convinced myself.
"If I obey, maybe I can change something this time" I insisted and soon watched him die again.
"Everything will be fine," he said again and again.
"Everything will be fine" his son repeated.
But it didn’t look good.
It never looked good.
It’s not okay, it’s not okay, it’s not okay.
"Everything will be fine..." he repeated as he hugged me when I had nightmares and the nightmares were with that damn phrase, but still I couldn’t speak, yet I couldn’t do anything other than what I had already done from the first time.
"It is my fault. It’s my fault, it can only be my fault" I thought as I sank into that dark and humid place "I did everything wrong the first time and then I condemned myself"
I did everything wrong.
I have condemned him.
I have condemned myself.
I destroyed it myself.
Tears should come down my cheeks, they should be running now, shouldn’t they? But there was nothing. I couldn’t even cry...
I couldn’t cry unless I cried the first time.
I couldn’t smile unless I ended up smiling the first time.
I couldn’t talk unless...
I was so tired.
I was tired, but I still couldn’t let go, I couldn’t kill myself.
Two days and they’d get me out of that place.
Two days and that fallen would smile and we will become friends as it had been the first time. Two days and I would find him, seven days and I would see the little one in the garden.
15 days and I’d find her.
20 days and 5 hours and that demon would appear.
168 days and I would be in your room.
246 days and he would kiss me.
456 days and he’d say he loves me.
2666 days and I would see him die again.
End.
And then again and again.
"At least I’ll see him" I started thinking and then little by little it became "I don’t want to see him, I can’t stand to see him die anymore..."
But I was in front of Samael Cathedral again and that voice was screaming in my mind again.
He called me again.
"You’re my dearest daughter," he said, but in my chest I felt a sharp knife pressed as if my soul screamed 'no', "the one who will bring victory to heaven, the one who will defeat the cruel black king who took humans as nothing but slaves. You are the one who will set them free" he spoke every time and even if I tried to leave, even if I wanted to deny, my eyes would shine in gold, my body would rise to the heavens in front of that cathedral - and in my body it would leave one more mark.
Your brand.
The mark of a saint.
The mark that doomed me to this endless and cruel cycle.
"Go, my daughter" he repeated again "go your way and do what you were born to do."
'I do not want'
'Let me go away'
'I’m not a saint'
'Where were you when they hurt me?'
'Where were you when you touched me without permission?'
'I was your dear daughter, so why didn’t you ever save me?'
None of my questions had answers. It was as if he did not listen to me, but still I would remain there, hurting the innocent who passed around me.
The sacred power emanating from my body was so strong that those children with demonic power would bleed to death and their parents would soon accompany them as Azrael and Callisto ran to meet me.
Calisto.
Could he not come at least this time?
Could he ignore me at least this time?
I didn’t want to see him die again, I couldn’t take it again and even if I tried, my body wouldn’t move.
It was like being trapped inside my own mind, like being chained to an infinite flow that keeps repeating and repeating, so... something was different.
Crimson hair, the sharp eyes of a cat, was her. I’d recognize her even if she wasn’t in her fancy costumes. That was a beauty hard to forget, but how?
She’s never been there before.
She’s not supposed to...
Was it changing?
"I will go" I heard her say and soon she had the sword of Azrael in her hands and was there, standing in front of me.
It was Asra.
Not Calisto, but Asra.
It was different.
I felt my eyes tear and in my chest I felt the urge to shout his name.
"A-s-r-a..." my mouth moved, slowly - locked and I could hardly believe it.
I said.
I really did say...
I said your name.
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