The ceiling of my studio apartment was white. I looked around and realized how I tried my best to make and look it homey. It does but sometimes, like tonight, it’s weirdly empty. Ilio called awhile ago, just as I was having my dinner. I cooked a simple soup to sooth my hangover.
He said Celia want us to meet in a cafe near my place. He said they’re visiting me because it’s been too long since. It is indeed quite long. Two years is long to not see each other. I didn’t come home for holidays and only asked my parents to come over my place to visit every chance they can.
I declined. He asked why and so I tried to find reasons.
“I have a trip that week, an important one. I can’t miss that, sorry.”
“Oh, too bad. Celia’s only available on that week. Next time?”
“Yeah, sure. Just call beforehand so I can check my schedule and clear it if possible.”
“Okay, by the way...” his voice blurred a bit. I was arranging my books in a shelf and got caught up of deciding where I should place it. Yet I heard it clearly, at what he said next. “My sister told me that Leila’s gave birth to a healthy baby girl!,” excitement dripped in his voice.
“That’s great...”
“I’ll probably visit some time this month. When will you go home?”
“Ilio, I’ll call you later, okay? Something urgent came up, I’m sorry,” I heaved a sigh when the call end.
My hands went to my mouth. I don’t know what for. To comfort it? How does a hand comfort a trembling lips. Can it ease a sob? Now the trembling made it to my hand. I tried to touch my temple then the nose, back to my mouth. My eyes was restless, trying to find something on the wooden floor of my apartment.
The fruit of their love’s finally here in the world. They have their proof to offer. Here, the daughter we called ours. Look at her lips as it resembles her mother’s. The eyes of his father. The birth of their daughter brought not pain, not envy, but emptiness. It triggered something. Loneliness crept on every nook and corners of the room until it reaches me.
I dialled Heita’s number in the hopes of having someone to talk to. Just as always, she didn’t answer.
It felt the world turn a blind eye, a deaf ear, to what I want to prove. No amount of white, fluffy sofa and colour graded lamp can make this place home. I blindly created this in the hopes of having my own, but in just one phone call, everything I built shatters.
And I don’t understand. I’ve known that I’ve long forgotten the feeling of loving Naro. He don’t haunt my life anymore. The past two summers has been great for me. I’ve been to beaches and mountains, those trips every summer. If only Heita’s here. I wonder where she is and what happened to her.
On my way home after work, it was already dark and gloomy because of the impending rain. Dark clouds brewed on the west, so I hurried. My walk doubled in pace. I don’t want to get rained on. I forgot to bring my umbrella this morning.
I plan on buying groceries but I guess I’ll do it tomorrow instead. Friday night and I want to not cook so I’ll have delivery food. The lighted lamppost lined in the sidewalk. A breezy air suddenly pass by me. My hair flicked with it. An immediate memory come to mind.
“Who do you think will win? Want to bet?” I asked Naro who’s sitting just beside me.
We’re in the wide field watching Gimena and Celia trying to fly their kites. Whoever fly the highest, wins. Ilio stood in between them trying to give unsolicited instructions. Clearly, that two don’t need it. They know how to do it.
“Can I bet on Ilio?” we laughed.
“I’ll be on Gimena’s side. C’mon...”
“If I win?”
“I’ll buy you a drink. Over there,” I pointed the very one booth stand in a very far corner of the field. A guy was selling a delicious fruit drink but quite expensive.
“Okay, what about you win?”
“I guess you have to do something I ask. Game?”
He smirked. It was the usual windy day and most of the people are here enjoying the afternoon sun. It was not that hot. I can see people coming from the river, hair all wet from swimming. There’s even kids running around.
“Game.”
It took a while before Gimena and Celia were able to fly the kites. They took many attempts before they could do it. Naro was about to win the bet and I screamed, hoping that would make Celia’s kite to fly lower. In the end, no one won. The wind got too strong that it ruined the kite’s structure. Everyone laughed and Naro and I looked at each other, my hair all over my face. A smile in both of our faces before I faced the three all look disappointed looking at their ruined kites.
As if time slowed I can feel air pass by slowly in its form. Naro’s finger swept the side of my temple and on the ear, trying to gently scoop every bit of my hair. That what it felt like. The sudden gentle flick of air on the way home felt like Naro’s fingers trying to scoop it down. My skin tingle as if that very fingers of Naro touch me awhile ago. As if he was here with me.
Not liking how it felt, I swipe from the temple, down to the ear and unto the bit strands of hair I could possibly do. The tip of hair strands touched my waist. I finally grew it out. The waves made it voluminous and I love it. I look completely different. Not satisfied with that move, I took my hair tie from my wrist and put it in a bun.
When I reached my building the guard greeted me a goodnight. I said the same.