<<9>>
* You can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. *
****
----- Joseph -----
I was now back in my room, pondering deeply on Nanny's words.
She was right when she said evidences and proofs can be fabricated, but feelings can't.
What do I really feel?
In my heart, do I really think Mira could do this to me?
I really don't know to be honest...
I haven't had time to listen to my heart yet.
I had just been following my logic all this while. Sounds crazy right? But yeah...it indeed is.
But wait, is nanny trying to imply that Mira is innocent?
Really?
If she really is then who's the guilty one then?
I just don't want to think!
I know that there's also a possibility of Mira being innocent, but I don't want to lean on that possibility!
It'd be very complicated if it so happens that she's innocent.
I know that I don't want to lose her, but...
Just then my cellphone rang.
I picked it up and swiped the answer button seeing that it was my girlfriend, Vera.
" Hello, Vera? " I greeted as soon as the call connected.
" Hey, Joseph. Do you have a moment? " Her soft voice rang at the other end.
" I do. Is there a problem? " I couldn't help, the worried feeling that surge through me, hearing her slightly distressed voice.
" It's nothing really... I just feel like seeing and talking to you in person... "
" Oh... Where are you now? "
" At school... I am at the football field waiting. "
" Oh... Why don't you head to the cafe outside the school... I'll pick you up from there. What do you say? "
" It's a good idea. "
" Alright... So see you in ten. "
" Hm... Love you... "
" Same. " I said as the call got disconnected.
For some reason I couldn't reply to her, ' Love you ' properly, I really don't know why it is though.
***
I got the keys to my motorcycle before heading downstairs, I met Nanny on the way.
" Where to? " She questioned.
" Um... I have to met up with Vera for a chat. " I said slowly.
" Oh... Take care on the way. " She said with a blank stare.
" I'll. " I replied her before heading outside to my motorcycle.
I got on it after putting on the helmet, then I started the engine and then drove away almost immediately.
The ride to my highschool was fun indeed, it made me recollect lots of happy memories with my parents when I was younger.
Sometimes, I still wish they were together, happy and in love.
But I guess, that's impossibilities now since they both have their different families and children..
I can't help wondering sometimes, how they could live their lives happily without me. Was I really not that important to them?
'Cuz I really don't get it.
The only time I get to see them is once a year during new year, that's all.
Don't them miss me at all?
Or are they too preoccupied with their new families to?
There's no denying of how much I miss them.
Though I try my best to control my feelings, but sometimes I lose myself to it.
No matter what happened, the fact that they are my parents still remains.
And, the blood bond we share still remains unchanged.
Anyways, I guess I'll have to move on from all of this... Cuz I need to.
Since they don't really care about me then I too should stop caring too, and simply save my feelings for someone else who needs it.
At this point, I couldn't help but recollect the words, Mira used to say to me.
: Jose, the fact that your parents don't really care about you doesn't mean no one else will. It's their loss that they don't get to see just how much of a gem you are.
Her words always managed to make me better and feel more secure about myself.
And, I guess she was the only person who I shared empathy with after nanny.
Perhaps it's because we went through similar situations. Though I think her's was more serious since she lost her parents and was even denied her inheritance.
You know, one thing I admired about her Is the fact that she never carries her pain around.
She's always so carefree and enthusiastic that you'll hardly believe she went through something as tough as that.
And even when she's sad, disappointed or unhappy. She doesn't make it too obvious as she still had that signature smile on her face.
I must say, she's an expert at hiding her pain.
But well...I had grown to be see through her.
I guess this is one of the reasons we became so closer.
But now... I am not so sure.
I trust her, yeah... But in this case I don't think I can really.
I am stuck between a mountain and a rock and guess what, I needed to find a way out.
' Cuz I really need to.
I need to decide who is more important and to me and who is not.
I know it's gotta be tough finding out this, but I am more than ready to.
....
A/N : Are you still there, guys?