“What is this circulating scandal about you, Galen?” His father looked at him seriously not leaving his eyes on him as he is notching the steak into thin slices.
“Scandal? That word is a bit too much, darling.” His mother intervenes quickly between their conversation. She smiled at her son who sits uncomfortably looking tense.
“What about that “scandal” father?” Galen responded to his father primly. A scandal. It must be those casual conversations exchanged by those sons of his father's acquaintances who typically loves to tattle about details that involves him. He became the subject of much local gossips these past few days and it doesn't matter to him. He wouldn’t be a victim by all those rumors. It won't influenced and harm him that much. All of those shabby criticisms are not worthy of his attention. As long as he stimulated his fake pretense about his real persona in front of his parents, nothing can go wrong. He watched his father who briefly nod his head slightly as he grasps the wine glass on the left side of his plate. That's it. His father trusts his fake front. But still he got to be careful and make his action flawless so his parents won't find out his clandestine. They are all silent after that short conversation and continue to eat their meal in passivation. They got nothing to talk about on the dinner table not unless there is something important that caught his parent’s attention. He cannot share something entertaining between his parents as they are dismissive in terms of insignificant matters. They'll rather talk about their own aspirations about what they want him to do. And he'll ended up following all of their orders. Because being submissive to the will of an individual's parents is a significant order that his parents put their great emphasis. But what if someday he'll decide to go against their will? Will he have that freedom to go after what he wants not what they want him to do? He always wants to free. Free to go after his wishes without hindrance and any restraint from his parents. But for now, he cannot do anything about it. He is still a kid and a kid must obey his parents. It is what the elderly cares about. Because adults have much knowledge than the younger ones. So, the younger ones are in need of guidance. He grimaced. Not all adults are meant to be set as a good example to the younger generation. They are not always right and their footsteps were not always meant to be followed by the youngsters. His expression hardened as he masticated the food in his mouth. He then gently wipes his lips to eliminate the excess substance left in his mouth completely. Reach his hand for the glass and then take the liquid in his mouth. And immediately stood from his seat, bend his head downward as his sign to excused himself to his parents. He went upstairs to take his alone time to relax and recover some strength to face the occurrences that will happen tomorrow.
He sits on his bed contemplating. He doesn’t know what to do next. He wasn’t sure about himself, his identity. There is a lot of confusion that’s been making his head ache. Is he really gay? Yes, he likes the stuffs that girls have and he also felt the urge to have their things too because it looked appealing for him. But he doesn’t like guys. For now. He thinks he is too young to be stressed out about this. He knows the answers he sought are already within him but he wasn’t really sure whether he’ll find out the truth about his situation. If he can dive deep within himself, he will be able to navigate the parts of him that’s been hidden from his conscious mind. He was taken aback from his self-reflecting thoughts when he heard a knock on the door.
“Galen, it’s Mom. Can I come inside?” His mother’s tender and smooth intonation gives him some sort of calming effect.
“You can come in, Mom.”
He heard the door handle being turned to release from the latch. He saw his mom’s face becoming visible and her youthful face stands out. She walks towards him and sat beside him.
“We need to talk, Galen. Mom’s gonna ask you a question and I need you to answer me honestly.”
“What is it, Mom?”
“This is about the rumors about you, Galen. And it somehow reached your father. Is there something you want to clarify to us, Galen? Mom is ready to listen to your explanation.”
“Mom. Those rumors are unimportant. You and dad shouldn’t spend your time thinking about it.”
“Galen. This is all about your sexuality. And those people have been spreading information about you being gay. What can you say about this, my son?”
He reluctantly looked at his mother’s eyes. He is not prepared to deal with this topic. He is not ready to tell his mother because he too is unsure about what’s happening to him. This is making him feel uneasy and he wants to talk to Azaiah. He is eager to hear her voice. Sigrid is the only one that can lessen the worries he’s currently experiencing. He can always feel open every time he wants to share something to Azaiah. Because he trusts her. And in return she knows that he will be able to take her secrets to the grave. They have mutual trust to one another and that made him sure that their friendship is meant to lasts. But being emotionally vulnerable in front of his parents? He is not accustomed to doing that kind of thing. Maybe it’s because of his upbringing. Where he is told to conceal and to be too reactive to his emotions. For his dad this is one of the most important lesson that he should master as he grows older. “Personal emotions are barriers from making professional decisions.” This is what his father told him when he was 7 that until now, he was able to remember the exact moment he said this to him. He was told at a very young age to not show any signs of weakness to people. To not give people access about his personal life because the more one will give them access on what’s happening in his/her own life, they will be able to sight his/her weakness and form a weapon that can harm or cause damage to the individual. He was told not to cry because a man doesn’t cry. If he will cry then he lacks strength from within. He was raised like that. But when she came all of those principles that was thought by his parents wasn’t implemented. With Azaiah he was slowly melting. He was able to embrace his emotions and feel it. And it feels good to show his real side, who he really feels he is, and to let her see his true colors to gradually come out. He looked at his mom with a clear knowing on how to appropriately answer her without getting caught.
“I am not gay, Mom. They are talk without evidence. You once told me to not overt into conclusion and discrimination without proper proposition, right Mom?”
His mother’s features turned into an amused expression. The corners of her mouth turned up forming a good-natured look.
“You’re right, Galen.” She gently reached for his son’s head and simple stroke his hair softly. He wasn’t ready to tell her the truth and she is okay with that. She knows that his son will be able to figure out the real him as time will pass and she will be willing to see her son become the person he desires to be. Whatever his decision will be, she is always ready to give him the support he needs if he’ll let her.