“Some of you here have shown me how timid you are. I teach you almost every day. I teach one topic not less than three times. And the most annoying part of this is that everyone claims to understand everything. But when test is given, you fumble woefully. This exercise is to test you. To know if you are following up with what I have been tirelessly teaching you. All the questions you see here is right from what I taught you. None is gotten out of it. So why should you see it so difficult? Why should you answer them like something you haven’t seen before?
Another provoking thing is your spellings. I have come to discover that many of you doesn’t know how to spell simple words. I keep wondering how you pass your exams until you got here. How have you been doing it? Or am I the one that doesn’t teach well? No, I try my best. No one will ever say I don’t try. You are not the first or the only class I teach but I don’t see such things and none has ever complained of me for incompetence or negligence” English teacher bemoaned.
“Sir, frankly you are good in your subject. You teach as much as you can. We failing to meet up your expectations doesn’t entail you don’t try. You try, I personally appreciate your efforts” Someone from the class spoke.
“So what are you saying in essence?”
“Hmm.. Nothing actually. Just letting you know that you are doing well. Maybe some of us are just dull”
“Do you say maybe? You can’t say maybe. By the way, what’s your name?”
“Friday”
The teacher searched the scripts he had. They were grouped in two.
“Friday Ajayi right?”
“Yes”
“No wonder you are talking like this. You’re one of those dullards. Now tell me what exactly is your problem in English. Look, the rest of you, this question is not only for him, You too will tell me your minds, where you find English hard to crack. In any topic at all. So I’ll start with you. Where do you find difficulty in what I have taught you so far?”
“Sir, sincerely English is confusing. Especially the spelling of some words. Past tense of different words has different ending”
“How do you mean?”
“Let me show you few examples on the board” He came out, took a piece of chalk and began to write. He wrote saw, took, made, bought, caught, brought, ate, might, looked, fought..
“See those words on the board, they are past tense. They all being past tense doesn’t have same ending. While some are almost the same in spelling. They are unusual and very confusing. Why are they not all ending with ED rather than that? Many will find it difficult to store all that in mind”
“But at least that’s not the kind of mistake you made here in your test”
“Sir, excuse me” Another person raised her hand.
“What’s up?”
“Sir, where I find difficulty is on words like receive, perceive, achieve, deceive, believe, receipt…. I usually don’t know where to place the I and the E. Again words that has same letters doubled, why not just one letter? One of them can still do what the two does. Example, occasion. The double C”
“Sir, one more thing. Some words said to have silent letters like psychology and knife. Why not completely removed what has no use there?” Another girl suggested.
“Sir, there’s another thing. Some letters in different words create similar sound. For example we have occasion, fashion, crucial, nation, ocean, passion. I hope you understand what I am saying? They are confusing”
“sugar too. S sounds like SH, C sounds like K, CH sometimes sounds like K while CE as S, see confusion”
Questions were coming from all sides. They wouldn’t allow him answer one before asking another. Their question were getting him confused and irritated already.
“See how you say it as if I am the one that formed English language. I was once a student as you are. I faced the same thing. I learned it without realizing all these faults you are digging out”
“We can create our own sir” One of the oldest boy at the back seat with deep voice implied.
“You can create your own English, is that what you are saying?”
“Yes. One that will be simple for everyone”
“You want to create a simple English by yourself. And use it with who, and where? Who has ever done that?”
“It’s just suggestion sir”
“You should not have thought of it if you weren’t sick in the head. You have changed English enough. The pidgin, slangs and the one you call capping should do”
“Sir, I have something to say but it’s not in English entirely” Peter said.
“Are you not mad to reason that?”
“No sir, I can’t be mad, not even if I’m mad” He muttered. Only Godwin heard him. Godwin could not control his laughter. As it was a mistake he covered his mouth.
“You say?” The teacher ask, giving him more attention.
“I said I am not mad, just that this particular thing has been bothering me” Peter lied. This lie also made Godwin continue to laugh. But the teacher could not see him as he was sitting and heads covered him.
“Let it keep on bothering you. As long as it’s not related to English keep it to yourself besides, you are not among those I came complaining about. But if I may ask, why is your question always different? If others are on a particular topic your question comes out of it. Today we are on English and you want to bring your question from only God knows where. Sit down my friend, don’t get me angry”
“Sorry sir”
“That one concern you” Ignoring Peter he dropped the other paper on a desk. “Class monitor come take this ones and share. This one here is for those who don’t want to help themselves. If you hear your name you come forward”
He called names and crowd of students slowed out. Most of which were the bigger boys and girls. The teacher ordered for a cane and got it immediately. He flogged them and sent them back.
“Who is Godwin Mba?” The teacher called.
Godwin raised his hand panicking.
“All right. Who then is Peter Ezike?”
“Me” Peter identified.
“Oh you are even on one seat. No wonder! You both are sharing same work, right?”
“No” They denied at once.
“You can’t say no. Your work is almost the same likewise your handwriting which makes it clear that one of you wrote both. Who wrote for the other?”
“No one sir. We wrote our test by ourselves”
“I will find out. You will come forward and prove it to me”
The boys walked out to the front of the class. The English teacher asked them to pick up chalks and write on the black board whatever he was going to pronounce. They did as instructed and what they did utterly convinced him.
“You shouldn’t be sitting together because, as you have one handwriting you can manipulate things without anybody knowing. I will do something about it, though not today”