Jaden's POV
Is it just me or everyone else only think about sleeping and hiding away when they are sad and depressed, because ever since I got home from the hospital, I have been locked up here in my room just sleeping my sorrow away while shutting the world out like it doesn't exist.
What is there to think about even . I just feel this great big void in my life that keeps drilling a really painful hole in my chest over and over again. It's even worst because nothing else seem to make sense any more so I can't even focus on the pain either. I'm just here wishing my thought away. It's like pretty much all the colors in my sky is either grey or plain black. I just feel completely and totally lost. Completely lost in this darkness of my own thought.
Ryder hates me and that's fact. He really does and that hurt more than you can even imagine.
Groaning out in frustration, i snuggle closer to my pillow and buried my face deep into it, getting all the air knock out of my lungs, causing me to twist painfully for a release as I continued to hold in my breath for far too longer than necessary.
I heard a knock against the door after some minutes, followed by my sister's voice and i rolled back on my side with a sigh.
"Jaden?, are you in there?" I heard her voice calling at me.
"Go away Jasmine, i want to be left alone, I'm really not in the mood" I groan back at her and heard her murmured under her breath before speaking again.
"I can see that you are not in the mood to talk or see anyone. I mean, you have been locked away in your room since you got back and it's already sunset. I just wanted you to know I ordered some pizza and if you want a bite?"
I thought about turning down her offer but my stomach quickly grumbled in protest and I sigh.
"Just a minute. I will be down soon"
"Okay, don't take too long. It might get cold" I heard her call back before her doorstep start to fade down the stairs yet again.
I dragged my self out of bed after a while and into the bathroom to take a pee and splash water on my face before heading down. It's true my stomach needs food right now but I don't have appetite to explain why I look and feel like shit.
Lucky for me, Jasmine didn't ask me any question I wasn't in the mood to answer. She seem to be more invested in whoever she was chatting with in her phone to care about the bags around my eyes.
We just ate our pizza in total silence before I left whatever was remaining on the fridge before heading back to my room yet again. The peace and quiet was something I was totally grateful for, coming from my sister, most especially.
**
The next day in school wasn't any different either. Everything has been nothing but a total blur. My head has been in the cloud all morning thinking up things that has nothing to do with the ongoing class.
Mr Jones wasn't making it any easier either with all the boring long talks he has going on. I inhaled deeply and slouched a little on my desk but not enough to draw any attention to myself.
Oliver seem to notice my mood swing as he gave me a sideways glance with a raised brow before mouthing at me,. "Hey man, where is your mind?"
If I was to answer that question then I would say, it's in the hospital, right where Ryder is but instead, I bite down at my lower lip, wondering if he was thinking about me too and even more, if he is doing well. Gosh, I just feel totally overwhelmed and out of it.
I would have thought about skipping the next class and heading home if coach Mike was not demanding to have everyone at practice today.
I sighed and gave him a little shrug and continued to force my mind to pay attention to Mr Jones lesson.
Another hour crawl by and class finally came to an end and I began to pack up my things before grabbing my take home essay from the teacher's desk and heading out into the hallway.
Oliver fell in line beside me, his eyes narrowing at me still. "Is it just me or something is really off with you lately. You were practically out of it the whole time, making me feel like a better person when we both know who is the freaking genius between us"
When I said nothing to reply him and just kept walking, he continued between laughs, "Are you also nervous about the finals? Because I am nervous too but I know we can take them real good"
I adjusted my grip on the strap of my bag slightly with a sigh. "It's no secret, The panthers have the most record for winning the state championship but it's no doubt we can beat them if we pull our shit together and meet them head on"
"I guess we will, won't we?"
"Yup"
After second period was over, we head off to our locker room and changed into our jerseys before going to practice.
Everyone was present. Coach Mike stood by the corner glancing at his stop watch like every minute before clapping his hands and grabbing everyone's attention.
"Okay, listen up boys. This is going to be our last practice before the finals so I need you all to bring your 200%. No excuse or slacking of some sort because your opponent won't hesitate to throw that ball into your loop from whatever angle they can shoot from so make sure you have each other back and hold down your positions, am I clear?"
"Yes coach" everyone chorus in loud voices.
"Good, now let get to it" Coach Mike claps one more time and blew his whistle and everyone falls in line to their various center and forward position.
Noah who was playing Ryder's position stood by my side and nudge me slightly and I turned to face him, "I just remembered one of us is missing. Have you seen Ryder because I haven't seen him in a while now"
"He, um, he is in the hospital. I don't think he is gonna make it to the finals even"
"That's a shame. The team would have appreciated his long passes in days like this but we have got Oliver to cover his position just fine now that he is making some serious progress in the team" Noah said and I nod absentmindedly, my eyes now trained on Oliver who looks cleaner than ever. Have I not being paying attention to my buddy or he is glowing with happiness right now.
I wonder what could be up with him.
An hour thirty minutes later and we finally call it a day. I sat at the bleachers totally drenched in sweat and working on my shoe lace. Once I was done, I grab my water bottle and began to take huge amount of water to replace the ones I lost to sweating during practice.
Oliver was getting an earful from the coach but not in a bad way. He seem to be impressed with his new attitude and hopes he can keep it up till the final tournament. I hope he would as well. Whatever has made him to quit abusing drugs and being out of his element most of the time needs a medal.
I sigh and turn to pick up my gym bag when I realized Tia standing there, still dress in her cheer leading uniform. Her arms anchored against her narrow waist with a deep frown on her face staring at me. "Jaden, we need to talk"
"No, we do not so fuck off" I told her without sparing her another glance.
She clutched onto my arm and pull me around to face her before speaking through gritted teeth.
"I'm not leaving until you talk to me. You have been ghosting my existence for days now and just in case you have forgotten, we have an understanding and I get to call the shots in this relationship not you, unless of course, you have made up your mind about telling your friends about your little secret"
My chest burn with rage with my hands suddenly coil into a tight fist by my side as I stare back at the little smirk Tia had going on at the corner of her lips.
Maybe this little charade have gone on for far too long and it's time to put an end to the madness, once and for all.
I held her over the shoulders with a little smile of my own, "You are right Tia, maybe it's time I make up my mind about some things around here"
She cocked a questioning brow at me,"You wouldn't dare Jaden. You are the captain and even too proud to humiliate yourself like that. I mean, would you really throw it all in the mud for some guy?"
My lips coiled into a half smirk as I detached myself from her and took a step away from her. "Watch me"